Friday, May 31, 2013

My First Kiss with My Boyfriend

Us at Rose and Landon's wedding
My first date with Beau was dinner. It was a wonderful date, and I thought about kissing him, but the situation just wasn't right for a first kiss. So I hugged him good-night, and that was that.

Our second date was to the zoo and to dinner, followed by a leisurely ride in his convertible with the top down. I spent most of the date thinking about kissing him and wondering when to do it or how to do it. At this point, I had initiated a first kiss with two other men, so, ya know, I was pretty experienced and all that jazz. Also, Beau had told me he didn't pick up on signals AT ALL, and I pretty much needed to hit him over the head with a frying pan to let him know I liked him.

At the end of the night, Beau took me back to my apartment. He didn't turn off his car, but he did put it in park. I thanked him for a wonderful evening, and he told me he had enjoyed it too. He told me he hoped to see me again before I left (this was at the end of my internship), and I said I would do my best to work him into my crazy schedule. 

I was plotting during this whole conversation on exactly how to kiss him.

I unbuckled my seatbelt, turned around in my seat so I had a better angle towards Beau, reached out my right hand to gently pull his head towards mine (and help me angle my lips towards him), and kissed him. After just a few seconds, his right hand was at the nape of my neck, fingers entangled in my hair. We progressed to French-kissing really fast, and no, I don't remember who initiated that.

There weren't fireworks per se, or wedding bells ringing, but that kiss was magical. I had kissed four women and fourteen men at that point, and some of those had been pretty special. Some of those had been really hot! But nothing was anything close to that first kiss with Beau. Up until that moment, I was interested in dating several other guys I was talking to on okcupid (hell, I'd had a first date with a different guy the night before... and I'd kissed him too). But suddenly, with that one date and that one kiss, I was willing to bend over backwards to see Beau as much as possible before I left town. I was still willing to see other guys, but I wasn't interested in finding creative ways to fit them into my schedule.

I'm not going to lie and say that in that moment, I knew Beau was the one. At that point, I was still interested in flirting with any man I met, and I still intended to try dating women once I moved to New York. But that date, and that kiss, they set a new bar for how I wanted to feel while dating. It was more than just intellectual compatibility, or chemistry, or a good time. It was like hanging out with a longtime best friend for the first time in years, but one I wanted to kiss, desperately. 

And for all my plans to hang out with those other guys from okcupid, and to date women in New York? They all fell apart, by both choice and circumstance. Beau ended up being the last person I ever kissed and ever will kiss, I ever dated and ever will date, and I couldn't be happier about that.

When I'm not on my iPad, I will update this with the "Blog Every Day in May" icon and probably a picture of us.


  1. Ahhh, yes. First kisses. I totally agree. They were always fun, but when you kiss "the one," it's earth-shatteringly amazing to think about later.

    1. I still get butterflies whenever I think about our first kiss, and a silly grin spreads across my face. :D

  2. it's been a bit since i've had a "first" kiss, but man, is it lovely! most, anyway!

    1. I mean, not every kiss of my life was magical, but there is something special about kissing someone for the first time... Even if afterward, you're like, "Why did I do that?"

  3. you had me at convertible :P

    but really, first kisses are the best! sometimes I'm sad that I'l never really have a first kiss again, but the silver lining to being long distance is that we get to have a first kiss every time we're reunited!

    1. I seriously love his little red Miata convertible. There's some negative connotations with it, but it's so fun and zippy, plus apparently it's good for driving on a track? Ask him, not me!

      The longest we went without seeing each other was three months. Our reunion kiss at the airport was chaste (he doesn't like making out in public), but it was so lovely.

  4. This is really lovely! Reminds me of my first kiss with the boyfriend.
    I just wanted to say that I found your blog via a link you posted on jezebel, and have been here reading loads of it for an hour now. I love what you have to say about rape culture and consent - it all seems like my own opinions but expressed way better - and have learnt some interesting things.
    Keep up the good work, I'll be keeping up to date with your posts!

    1. Aw, thank you! Sexual assault/rape culture/consent are my hot button topics. I'm very very passionate about them, as you've apparently discovered!

      Thanks for reading!

  5. I miss kissing... kissing is one of the top several things I am looking forward to the most if/when I find my very own Beau. :)


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