Mexican Urbanite Catholic Virgin: A Guest Post

Tina Matilde blogs at piedras y chuparosas, mostly about herself, or music, or something empowering to the female spirit. Basically, she’s a Christian feminist after my own heart! She’s not a fan of capital letters—she thinks they’re oppressive—so I’m making an exception for to my otherwise perfect grammar and punctuation for her post! She is in Round 2 of graduate school hoping to integrate spirituality into trauma healing, learning to meditate, and spending way too much time on Instagram. You can also find her on Twitter as @tinamatilde. 

Trigger Warning


i have always been a bit of a procrastinator, never in a rush to do anything, well certain regards, a bit of a late bloomer. it’s at my core, i stayed in the womb an extra month, why not right? no, this post isn’t about taking your time, at least not entirely. as a 27-year-old virgin living in an urban city, finding Belle’s blog was a Godsend. to be honest, i’ve been questioning why i even decided to contact Belle. i’m in the midst of a difficult healing process. i was sexually molested as a young child and assaulted more than just a few times while growing up. last year, i got brave and dated a lot, at least for me, and although the guys were nice, those relationships didn’t last too long. i just wasn’t ready to take THAT step. and so he, or i, or we both decided to end the relationship, however short-lived. i’ve been completely single for about 6 months now and absolutely not ready to get into a relationship. i guess i’m just trying to accept it. after the longest introduction ever, what did i tell Belle that i wanted to talk about? it was the intersection of culture and her theme of “Love, Sex and Marriage.” so here goes my take on all of that.

via

growing up in a traditionally mexican household, where you were to be seen and not heard, do as you’re told, be a good girl and a good catholic. yeah, no pressure. that wasn’t the point, at least not growing up. i was naïve and just accepted it. as i got older, it, remaining a virgin until i got married was something i embraced. i thought of it as a beautiful thing. it would be evidence as to how much i was loved and valued as a person rather than what was in between my legs. here’s the thing—i still am remaining a virgin, just for different reasons.

i was in college when i decided that i would remain a virgin until i got married. if anyone asked, i never said i was "saving myself." i called it “celibacy” simply because i didn't want a lot of questions. i was involved in progressive student activism where it was all about empowerment. choosing to be a virgin until i got married for religious, cultural or personal reasons simply meant i was “oppressed.” what made me feel oppressed was feeling that i didn’t have a choice in the matter. i absolutely believe that a woman’s worth is defined by more than whether she chooses to have sex or how much or what she chooses to engage in sexually. there is strength in choice.

choice is something that can so easily be taken away from you. i’ve been close, and that’s what has scared me. to be honest, i do question whether my choice is primarily due to the pressures of my faith tradition or culture, but when it comes down to it, it’s MY choice because its what’s right for me. regardless of how many times my friends explain in disbelief how i just need to wait for that magical guy and that magical night instead of offering their support for my choice or many times my mother tells me “cuida tu floresita” “take care of your little flower” i continue to push to remind myself that no matter what happens i have to do what is right for me and if my partner loves and respects me, he’ll wait until i’m ready, ring or no ring until this late bloomer is ready to offer him her great big catholic mexican urbanite virginity.

When is White Men's History Month?

Yesterday was the last day of February, and thus the last day of Black History Month. Today begins Women's History Month, and then in April, we can finally return to discussing who really matters in America:

White men.

I realize I'm painting with a broad brush, but the fact remains that schools still teach white male narratives as Normal, but stories of people of color (POC) or women as Other.

Even Google has problems representing historic figures who aren't white men.

via Spark Movement

When we do remember the stories of black Americans, we confine their history to the abolition of slavery in the 1860s and the Civil Rights Movements in the 1960s. Absolutely we should study Frederick Douglass, and Sojourner Truth, and Harriet Tubman. We should all know the names of Rosa Parks, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and Malcolm X. 

But the history of black Americans is greater than two decades worth of accomplishments. 


In school, we learn about Joseph Smith, who founded the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in 1830. But do our teachers mention Richard Allen, who founded the African Methodist Episcopal Church in 1816?

We read Emily Dickinson's poetry in English class, after skipping over Phillis Wheatley.

Everyone knows about Amelia Earhart's accomplishments, but what about Bessie Coleman's aviation record?

Until the history of black Americans, and the history of women, are fully integrated into our classrooms, we will continue to have a need for two months dedicated to their history.

This month, I encourage you to research not only women's history, but specifically the history of women of color (WOC). Found at the intersection of both racism and sexism, they are the most underrepresented. 

For bonus points, go beyond the history of famous people. Discover the lives of everyday women in different time periods and different geographic regions. American history is much richer than a list of presidents and wars!

What was your K-12 education like?

Did you escape the male white narrative?

Let me know in the comments!

*Disclaimer: My degree is in history, and I also minored in Women's and Gender Studies. My points on who is and is not studied in school are based on my public school classes, not counting my AP US History class. I certainly don't expect the average person to have the same sort of historical knowledge I acquired with my college degree!

Sunday Shoutouts: The New Year and Feminism

Last weekend, I visited Beau, who had just moved into a new place. We had a pretty great weekend, the perfect balance between productivity and relaxation. I usually leave early Monday morning to come back to my city, but when we woke up to go to work, we discovered we were under a Level Three Snow Emergency. For my fellow southerners who have no idea what that means, a Level Three means the roads are closed to non-emergency personnel. So it would have been illegal for me to drive home. I ended up snowed in until Wednesday morning, when I was finally able to get back.

Last week's Sunday Shoutouts were all about the New Year. Today will include a few more inspiring New Year links, among others.

Most Intersectional: NinjaCate aka Batty Mamzelle is the primary reason I'm trying to be a more intersectional feminist. Her writing never fails to teach me something new. A few days ago, she wrote a straightforward post called "This Is What I Mean When I Say 'White Feminism.'" It included the following handy (if limited*) diagram.

Most Thought-Provoking: Betsy shared her thoughts on remembering the past and learning from our mistakes. Her post "Regrets and Blank Slates" reminds us that we can't really start fresh with the New Year, as much as we like to think the past is just in the past.

Best Feminist New Year's Resolution: I love this idea that we should adopt feminists. Those of us who have been feminists for a long time should guide some newbie feminists.

Most Eye-Opening and Heartbreaking: Our society does not take rape seriously. That is the shortest way to explain rape culture. Ma'lik Richmond, one of the Steubenville rapists, was just released after only serving nine months of a minimum one-year sentence. This is a clear-cut example of our society not taking rape seriously. From the linked article:

Our society is clearly failing young women. That young men are sufficiently comfortable in their behaviour that they think nothing of taping and distributing their crimes shows just how little society values young women.

But we are also failing young men because we keep permitting this cycle to repeat. Perhaps these boys act like they did nothing wrong because they have absorbed the convoluted messages of a culture that reassures them that they haven’t.

What have you read recently? Share your links in the comments! Also, just FYI, if you've written something brag-worthy, you can share your own post with me, and I'll consider it for next week's Sunday Shoutouts.

*Please don't debate the limitations of the graphic in my comments. They will not be approved. If you follow the link, NinjaCate has explained the graphic's limitations in both the post itself and further in the comments.

Sunday Shoutouts: A Busy Busy Week of Internet Excellence

I'm starting this at 11:43pm Sunday night, but by the time I'm done, it will probably be Monday. But I read so many amazing articles this past week that I couldn't skip my third week of Sunday Shoutouts!

Most Intersectional: NinjaKate over at BattyMamzelle wrote an incredible article on the racism in Lily Allen's new music video. Ironic racism is still racist, guys.

Most Engaging: Rachel Held Evans asked a great question. Can we teach our children modesty without guilt?

Most Virginal: I hope to write a response to this article later this week, if I find the time. It's an oped from a 35-year-old virgin. 

Best Parenting: I hope to be this awesome when I have kids.

My Bikini Answer: My Body Is Not Sinful

This will not be my last post on modesty, but it is my final post on bikinis. I wrote this while on vacation on a houseboat in Tennessee with Beau and his family. The delay in posting comes from technological issues, two jobs, a cold, and a last-minute attempt at intersectionality.

Tuesday night.

Beau sits on the stool next to me, studying for the Professional Engineering exam.

I'm not wearing a bra. It's not obvious with both a t-shirt and a sweatshirt on, but I'm sure if anyone in his family looked too closely earlier, with my sweatshirt discarded, they might have noticed the droopiness of my unsupported boobs or the pointiness of my uncovered nipples. 

My wardrobe thus far has been a steady rotation of three bikinis, two cover-ups, and comfy pjs completely stolen from Beau's wardrobe: Super Mario pj pants, a t-shirt from ThinkGeek, and a rotation of the three sweatshirts he packed for us to share this week.

According to the original bikini post, my "immodest" clothing choices this week cause the men around me to lust. 

The way we dress impacts those around us, especially guys. I don’t really want a guy to look at me and notice me for my butt, upper thighs, or chest. I’d rather him notice my smile or God-loving personality...

Girls are walking around all the time with barely any clothes on at the beach or pool! Guys can never get a break from it, even if they’re trying to see past all the bodies to find the smiles and personalities within the girls.

So really, how hard is it to not wear a bikini? If you’re like me, it might be a little disappointing. You also might have to save a little more babysitting money to buy a cute (yes, cute ones do exist) tankini or one piece. But honestly, a little disappointment and a little extra cash aren’t that hard to swallow. Especially when such things are to fulfill a God given responsibility. In his Theology of the Body, soon to be Saint John Paul II said, God has assigned as a duty to every man the dignity of every woman. He also assigns to every woman the dignity of every man. Let’s make a commitment this summer to ditch the skimpy swimsuits, earn self respect, and help our brothers in Christ.

But she, and other modesty advocates, actually say more than that.

According to them, when you read their words with a critical eye, my clothing does not cause lust--my body does. Just my revealed stomach--the main difference between a bikini and "modest" swimsuits--apparently causes lust. If a guy happens to notice my body before my personality, then he's lusting after me, and it's my fault for not covering up those curves. If my body can't be covered up to prevent lust, then my body is sinful.

I vehemently disagree.

My body is not sinful. My body cannot cause a man to lust. 

One of my favorite Bible verses is Genesis 1:27. 

So God created humankind in His image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them.

How can my body be sinful when I am made in God's own image?