Tina Matilde blogs at piedras y chuparosas, mostly about herself, or music, or something empowering to the female spirit. Basically, she’s a Christian feminist after my own heart! She’s not a fan of capital letters—she thinks they’re oppressive—so I’m making an exception for to my otherwise perfect grammar and punctuation for her post! She is in Round 2 of graduate school hoping to integrate spirituality into trauma healing, learning to meditate, and spending way too much time on Instagram. You can also find her on Twitter as @tinamatilde.
i have always been a bit of a procrastinator, never in a rush to do anything, well certain regards, a bit of a late bloomer. it’s at my core, i stayed in the womb an extra month, why not right? no, this post isn’t about taking your time, at least not entirely. as a 27-year-old virgin living in an urban city, finding Belle’s blog was a Godsend. to be honest, i’ve been questioning why i even decided to contact Belle. i’m in the midst of a difficult healing process. i was sexually molested as a young child and assaulted more than just a few times while growing up. last year, i got brave and dated a lot, at least for me, and although the guys were nice, those relationships didn’t last too long. i just wasn’t ready to take THAT step. and so he, or i, or we both decided to end the relationship, however short-lived. i’ve been completely single for about 6 months now and absolutely not ready to get into a relationship. i guess i’m just trying to accept it. after the longest introduction ever, what did i tell Belle that i wanted to talk about? it was the intersection of culture and her theme of “Love, Sex and Marriage.” so here goes my take on all of that.
growing up in a traditionally mexican household, where you were to be seen and not heard, do as you’re told, be a good girl and a good catholic. yeah, no pressure. that wasn’t the point, at least not growing up. i was naïve and just accepted it. as i got older, it, remaining a virgin until i got married was something i embraced. i thought of it as a beautiful thing. it would be evidence as to how much i was loved and valued as a person rather than what was in between my legs. here’s the thing—i still am remaining a virgin, just for different reasons.
i was in college when i decided that i would remain a virgin until i got married. if anyone asked, i never said i was "saving myself." i called it “celibacy” simply because i didn't want a lot of questions. i was involved in progressive student activism where it was all about empowerment. choosing to be a virgin until i got married for religious, cultural or personal reasons simply meant i was “oppressed.” what made me feel oppressed was feeling that i didn’t have a choice in the matter. i absolutely believe that a woman’s worth is defined by more than whether she chooses to have sex or how much or what she chooses to engage in sexually. there is strength in choice.
choice is something that can so easily be taken away from you. i’ve been close, and that’s what has scared me. to be honest, i do question whether my choice is primarily due to the pressures of my faith tradition or culture, but when it comes down to it, it’s MY choice because its what’s right for me. regardless of how many times my friends explain in disbelief how i just need to wait for that magical guy and that magical night instead of offering their support for my choice or many times my mother tells me “cuida tu floresita” “take care of your little flower” i continue to push to remind myself that no matter what happens i have to do what is right for me and if my partner loves and respects me, he’ll wait until i’m ready, ring or no ring until this late bloomer is ready to offer him her great big catholic mexican urbanite virginity.