Tina Matilde blogs at piedras y chuparosas, mostly about
herself, or music, or something empowering to the female spirit. Basically, she’s
a Christian feminist after my own heart! She’s not a fan of capital letters—she
thinks they’re oppressive—so I’m making an exception for to my otherwise
perfect grammar and punctuation for her post! She is in Round 2 of graduate
school hoping to integrate spirituality into trauma healing, learning to
meditate, and spending way too much time on Instagram. You can also find her on Twitter as @tinamatilde.
Trigger Warning
i
have always been a bit of a procrastinator, never in a rush to do anything,
well certain regards, a bit of a late bloomer. it’s at my core, i stayed in the
womb an extra month, why not right? no, this post isn’t about taking your time,
at least not entirely. as a 27-year-old virgin living in an urban city, finding
Belle’s blog was a Godsend. to be honest, i’ve been questioning why i even
decided to contact Belle. i’m in the midst of a difficult healing process. i
was sexually molested as a young child and assaulted more than just a few times
while growing up. last year, i got brave and dated a lot, at least for me, and
although the guys were nice, those relationships didn’t last too long. i just
wasn’t ready to take THAT step. and so he, or i, or we both decided to end the
relationship, however short-lived. i’ve been completely single for about 6
months now and absolutely not ready to get into a relationship. i guess i’m
just trying to accept it. after the longest introduction ever, what did i tell
Belle that i wanted to talk about? it was the intersection of culture and her
theme of “Love, Sex and Marriage.” so here goes my take on all of that.
growing up in a traditionally mexican household, where you
were to be seen and not heard, do as you’re told, be a good girl and a good
catholic. yeah, no pressure. that
wasn’t the point, at least not growing up. i was naïve and just accepted it. as
i got older, it, remaining a virgin until i got married was something i
embraced. i thought of it as a beautiful thing. it would be evidence as to how
much i was loved and valued as a person rather than what was in between my
legs. here’s the thing—i still am remaining a virgin, just for different
reasons.
i was in college when i decided that i would remain a virgin
until i got married. if anyone asked, i never said i was "saving
myself." i called it “celibacy” simply because i didn't want a lot of questions.
i was involved in progressive student activism where it was all about
empowerment. choosing to be a virgin until i got married for religious,
cultural or personal reasons simply meant i was “oppressed.” what made me feel oppressed was feeling that i didn’t
have a choice in the matter. i absolutely believe that a woman’s worth is
defined by more than whether she chooses to have sex or how much or what she
chooses to engage in sexually. there is strength in choice.
choice is something that can so easily be taken away from
you. i’ve been close, and that’s what has scared me. to be honest, i do
question whether my choice is primarily due to the pressures of my faith
tradition or culture, but when it comes down to it, it’s MY choice because its
what’s right for me. regardless of how many times my friends explain in
disbelief how i just need to wait for that magical guy and that magical night
instead of offering their support for my choice or many times my mother tells
me “cuida tu floresita” “take care of your little flower” i continue to push to
remind myself that no matter what happens i have to do what is right for me and
if my partner loves and respects me, he’ll wait until i’m ready, ring or no
ring until this late bloomer is ready to offer him her great big catholic
mexican urbanite virginity.
lovely read. i found the absence of capital letters strangely soothing.
ReplyDeletei left them out of my comment for you also, in regards to your preference.
thank you carolyn. there is something terribly comforting and peaceful about lowercase letters.
ReplyDelete