A warm shoutout to all the visitors from Jess's blog!
I'm a southern belle, born and raised, currently braving Midwestern winters for love. It's not easy to leave a warm and sunny state with mild winters where an inch of snow will shut down a small town for the day. Especially not for a cold and gray state with frequent highs never hitting above freezing. But I'm learning how to cope. This is my second winter in the Midwest, after a winter split between New York and Toronto, after two winters spent in France. I've picked up a few tips from year to year on how to brave the cold and brighten the gray days.
It gets boring wearing the same winter coat over and over and over again. By investing in a large collection of colorful scarves, you can easily mix up your winter wardrobe. I bought most of my scarves in France, but Target has lots of cute, inexpensive options here in the States.
I drink hot tea year-round, but I drink a lot more of it in the winter. My morning starts with a cup of Fast Lane, and my night ends with a cup of Sleepytime Extra. A nice mug of hot tea warms you from the inside out!
Fresh flowers are surprisingly affordable, but you just have to know where to look. I bought a dozen pink roses for less than $7 at the grocery store, plus the bouquet of those other flowers for only $2. It's not a practical expenditure every week, but when it's particularly gross and gray, having some brightly colored fresh flowers in the house can cheer you up.
And when all else fails, grab a cuddle buddy and snuggle for warmth!
Today I take the first step to losing my anonymity.**
Taking selfies without showing my face is HARD, y'all!
My reasons for anonymity are legit. I think wanting to
discuss sensitive topics like sex and sexuality with complete honesty is
difficult without anonymity. I mostly read lifestyle blogs, and y’all don’t
talk about sex. Like, ever. Which is totally fine and your prerogative and I
respect that decision completely, because sex is personal. But I can’t talk
about virginity without talking about sex, and I don’t know if I could have
maintained this blog for the last two years if my parents, former professors,
colleagues, etc. had been reading it.
But anonymity is tiring. I think twice before I tweet about
what I’m doing. Does this refer to my location? I crop all my photos. How much
of my face can I reveal before it identifies me too much? I have to keep track
of pseudonyms for every single person in my life. I was hanging out with Hardy
and Lauren, and damn it, where’s my list of best friends? What do I call…
James, that’s it. I call him James.
And I write and write and write. I tweet and tweet and
tweet. I comment everywhere. I buy ads on other blogs. I’m myself. I’m
authentic. I paid for a blog design. I do all that stuff I’m supposed to do to
build blog traffic, and it’s not enough.
Because the people who know me IRL aren’t allowed to post my
blog to facebook, or link it to any mutual friends. Because I can’t ask my
friends and family to like my facebook page.
Because the network I have who comment all over my personal
facebook wall, who send me links to articles on sexual assault and modesty
culture and France and women’s history, who email me to thank me for the work I
do, who ask me if I blog, who share all over the place the tiny handful of
public writing I do…
They have no idea Belle Vierge exists. Or if they’ve
stumbled across her (this happened once), they don’t realize Belle is me.
But as much as I want to shed my cloak of anonymity and
shout to the rooftops that I’m happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same
time, I’m not there yet.
I don’t really think my parents should find out I’m bisexual
via a blog post, nor do I think it’s right or fair to attach H’s name to his assholery. And those of you who do know me IRL, and those of you who I met here
who have discovered my real name, I think y’all will agree that my first name
is unique. Unique enough that fear of discovery by future potential employers
is a legitimate concern.
Seriously, if you google my first and last name, you find
results for three people. That’s it. I share my name with a lawyer and with a
photographer. Also my firstnamelastname.com domain name has already been taken,
alas.
I’ve spent a lot of time over the last few weeks thinking
about this post. Planning what I would write. And I should note, for the
record, that I’m writing this the actual evening of July 30, 2013, still torn
on what to reveal of myself while still allowing the freedom to be myself.
I realized I’m not so worried about people finding my blog
and realizing it’s me as I am people knowing who I am, looking me up online,
and discovering my blog. The first involves searching for certain qualities and
associating them with me. The latter is only knowing me or my name and suddenly
discovering some rather strong opinions and personal information.
My life used to be interesting. I used to live in France. Then New York and Toronto. I traveled. I went to museums. I met people from all over the world. But now I work all the time, and I see Beau & my friends on my few days free. I still do interesting things with Beau... Get your mind out of the gutter! I mean, we go to museums, and the zoo, and the occasional sporting/theatrical event. It's just that I have to spend so much time working because of stupid health insurance that we don't have as much time to do interesting things. Today's prompt is a photo prompt of your day. I took all my pictures yesterday. I ate food, and I worked two jobs. Yay.
Which black/white/gray shirt will I wear to the JCP Salon tonight?
Fast Lane tea by Celestial Seasonings and oatmeal aka daily breakfast
At my first job with candles that burn unevenly and one that won't burn at all because the wick is stupid
Finishing my first job early and treating myself to lunch/dinner at Mimi's Cafe
Confession: I regularly tweet at work. And not just because
I manage all the social media for my company. I work for a start-up company,
which means my job description includes the ability to “hurry up and wait.”
In-between actual job tasks, I read the latest on Jezebel, stalk my new
favorite blogs, and tweet about sexual assault.
Today, as I was getting ready to leave work, I tweeted two
things.
The response to the first was typical.
The response to the second is the most number of retweets
and favorites I have ever received. By far.
Not surprisingly, I also received a small number of hostile
replies to the suggestion that men shouldn’t be nearly as worried about being
falsely accused of rape as they should about being victims of rape. Maybe
because it’s easier to think women are more likely to lie than men are to be
violent? I don’t know.
In light of the recent Steubenville case, and the disgusting
amount of victim-blaming on the Internet, and the fight I had with my twin
brother (the rape apologist) last week, and the replies I received to this
tweet… I give you…
Wow, it's 2013 already. When did that happen? 2012 was crazy. Just like 2011. And 2010. In 2012, I lived in New York for the first two months, then Toronto for four months, home in the South for three weeks, and finally in the Midwest for five months, with a whole week of that being in my new apartment. I went from being a live-in au pair to doing social media and assorted IT stuff for a start-up company. Yeah, I'm still confused about that too. The boyfriend and I went from very long-distance (an airplane) to long-distance (a six-hour drive) to medium-distance (driving two hours!).
My twin brother was diagnosed with a brain tumor that miraculously went away with surgery.
My car died. I became an emotional wreck. The boyfriend gave me a car for Christmas. I finally figured out humility. Both my twitter followers and blog readers grew by leaps and bounds. I expanded my blog posts a little bit. I don't always talk about only virginity. I write about books, and feminism, and family, and sex, and politics, and fun stuff like that.
I even GULP participated in a giveaway.* You know, one of those shameless promotions to gain followers who sometimes keep following you, but often unfollow you when the giveaway is over? You know, one of those fun things where you can be generous to other people?
I live a crazy life. It's how I roll. I'm pretty sure 2013 will be just as up and down as my previous years. Some changes I can anticipate. Others will be unexpected challenges. For my readers, you'll notice a few changes. I'm not going to focus as much on only blogging about sex/virginity. I did expand some this past year, but I feel more comfortable now writing like a real blogger, and not just some funny academic essayist. Of course, this is partly because I will be writing a column for HI! Magazine. A funny academic essayist column on virginity. So... there's that. As much as I will strive to keep up my 3-7 posts a month range I've got going on, I can't make any promises. See, another change I'm (hopefully) making is getting a second part-time job for a little extra spending money... plus health insurance. This will eat into my writing time.
Edit: I totally forgot to mention one of the biggest changes. I didn't just move into a new apartment--I moved into my first apartment without a roommate. Turning it into my own little home will also be totally time-consuming.
All that said, big changes are in store for Belle and Beau** in 2013. Who knows, we might even experience coitus for the first time.***
Whatever happens, I'll be here, blogging away. This is, after all...
Confessions of a Virgin.
*When the boyfriend donated to How to Lose Your Virginity, our prize packages included two cherry pendants. I gave one away. I briefly reached 51 blog followers by participating--I'm down to 48 now. But. I'm following one young woman who followed me and gave me crazy-awesome compliments on my blog. Genna's super-cool. **If you're new here, that's me and the boyfriend. ***Kidding. Mostly.
The entire month of June is devoted to celebrating my birthday, in case anyone was wondering.
I forgot to write in my first birthday post that the day before (le 7 juin), I treated myself to a facial* and a manicure. Nothing says eternal youth and beauty like glowing skin and sparkly nails!
Blue and silver
On Saturday, the boyfriend and I exemplified our nerdiness by going to the Ontario Science Centre. Our original plans of visiting the nude beach were rudely interrupted by a forecast for thunderstorms all day (which never materialized, of course). After a very late lunch and a stop by the liquor store for champagne (well, sparkling wine, but from Ontario, which I thought was cool!), we headed to the tattoo parlor!
Yup, I now have a black fleur-de-lis on my back, just under the left side of my bra band. It is beautiful.* The boyfriend was very supportive, holding my hand the whole time. It didn't hurt nearly as much as my foot tattoo, though.**
Sunday was gorgeous, and I wanted to enjoy it outside. We skipped Casa Loma and headed to the zoo! Basically we spent half our time looking at the polar bears. The boyfriend and I have decided to have a pet polar bear one day.*** They were just so cute! The Toronto Zoo has a polar bear cub right now, and he was seriously the most adorable thing ever. The adult polar bears were awesome as well.
All in all, it was a fabulous weekend.
Don't worry. We enjoyed lots of naked time too. ;)
Last Friday was my birthday, last weekend was my birthday weekend, and June is my birthday month. Let the celebrations continue!
My birthday weekend was practically perfect, despite almost nothing going according to plan. (And I LOVE to plan things very precisely).
The plan: Spend Friday at the pool with the boyfriend, and after school, the kids too. After dinner, go to the cool adult after-hours event at the Royal Ontario Museum (ROM) with the boyfriend. Drink champagne. Go to the nude beach on Saturday, head home to shower, get my tattoo, and go somewhere nice for dinner. Spend Sunday at Casa Loma.
What happened: The only event that went according to plan was getting my tattoo. But the weekend was still awesome. :)
The boyfriend left work early Thursday and drove to Toronto so I could wake up with him on my birthday. He brought me this beautiful cake.
I used Paint to hide my real name (in M&Ms!) and age
Before I left New York, I had one last
very important thing to do: make an appointment at Planned Parenthood
for a pap smear, a pelvic exam, and, most importantly, a prescription
for birth control.
I've mentioned this need for the Pill
before, way back in September. But changing pharmacies and states
meant I couldn't transfer my prescription, so I had one blissful
month on the Pill, with minimal cramps, before I returned to my
normal debilitating pain. To get a new prescription required seeing a
doctor, but I hate going to the doctor, and I was scared about facing
my first gynecological exam. I kept putting it off, hoping my cramps
would lessen each month, but they never did. So finally, the week
before I moved to Toronto, I called Planned Parenthood and scheduled
an appointment.
I have health insurance, but my network
only includes doctors in my home state, except in the case of
emergencies. Luckily for me, Planned Parenthood charges the uninsured
based on our income. Unluckily for me, I still paid about half of
what I earn in a week (well, half of what I earned before I received
my raise for moving to Toronto).
I wasn't exactly sure what to expect.
Protesters waving brochures in my face, calling me a murderess,
throwing pig's blood on my car? I've seen video footage and read
firsthand accounts of how far extremists have gone outside clinics.
Today is Book Club Friday, that awesome day when we all get down & dirty for literature.
I skipped it last week because I've been just a little preoccupied with moving to Canada. I'm keeping on schedule with my goal to read a new book every week (rereads of old favorites don't count), but I already wrote a separate post on The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Today I'm going to discuss a work of historical fiction that I picked up in a cute little secondhand bookstore my first night in Canada.
I first discovered Tracy Chevalier when I bought Girl with a Pearl Earring, arguably her most famous work, sometime way back in high school. My love affair with her writing continued with The Virgin Blue and The Lady & The Unicorn. The concept behind her writing is to create a story around famous artists or writers, focusing on a singular work.*
Although a good read, I will say this is much more predictable than her other books. The protagonists are the preteens Maggie Butterfield, a street smart girl with a dark secret, and Jem Kellaway, a quiet boy newly transplanted from the countryside. The second Maggie pales at the slightest mention of her secret, I guessed it correctly. Even a twist with Jem's sister, Maisie, came as no surprise. The predictability of the book didn't detract from my pleasure in reading it; I was just disappointed compared to the twists and turns of Chevalier's other novels.
*I enjoyed The Lady & The Unicorn all the more because I've seen all the tapestries in Paris.
