Monday, July 30, 2012

Blogoversary: One Year of Anonymity

A year ago today, I composed my inaugural blog post, clad only in my favorite lingerie, with a fuzzy blanket wrapped around me. As I write my sixtieth post, I’m completely naked in bed, the same set of French lingerie somewhere on the floor from when the boyfriend removed it last night. I’m back in the same city where my blog was born, but instead of being a few weeks away from the end of my internship, I’m starting the next chapter of my life. Moving here is my last big move, until either the boyfriend & I get married (fingers crossed!) or until I move back to France to recover from my heartbreak (not bad for a contingency plan, right?).

It’s been a good year for Confessions of a Virgin.

I wrote a guest post for Therese at How to Lose Your Virginity… and then the boyfriend & I ended up doing an interview for her documentary.

I wrote an article under my own name at Curvy Girl Guide after having connected with Meredith on twitter as @belle_vierge.

I’ve made some blogger friends, like Lauren at Our Crazy Ever After and Ashley at Chickadette. I’ve made some twitter friends, like my #bookends, @MrsJGatsby and @theycallmeivy. I’ve even made some twitter/blog crossover friends, like @Classy_in_KC

I joined Twithouse, a twitter organization of ambitious co-ed and post-grad women.  Even after the recent scandal, I’m still proud to be a member, and I still love the other women in the group.

I’ve received comments, emails, and DMs from virgins who relate to my posts. I’ve received comments, emails, and DMs from non-virgins who have admitted my blog has changed their perspective on virgins and virginity.

My pseudo-anonymous identity has given me the freedom to be raw and honest. To admit I’m a sexual being, even if I’m not engaging in coitus. To share my thoughts on sex and virginity. To write without fear of judgment. To open up about my sexual assaults. To advocate for women’s rights.

Writing a (mostly) anonymous blog has resulted in some of the most personal writing I’ve ever done. It’s so much realer than any of my previous work.

And yet it has only been a half-truth, at best.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

My First Date with My Boyfriend

July 29th.

One year.


A year ago today, the boyfriend and I had our first date. We had been emailing each other almost daily for several weeks, first via okcupid and then with our gmail accounts.

I wore my new black sundress from Target, a dress that is still one of my favorites. He wore a red golf shirt that I still don't like and jeans.

We met outside a restaurant not far from my apartment. He motioned to shake my hand, but I hugged him instead. He was surprised, and I laughed.

We talked nonstop throughout dinner and for who knows how long afterwards, partly hoping the rain would stop and partly not wanting the date to end.

Unbeknownst to me, the not-yet-boyfriend stared at my cleavage unabashedly while I looked over the menu, but he swears it was my excellent conversational skills that won me a second date.

I wanted to kiss him good-night, but between the rain, and the smokers outside the door, and his to-go box, and my purse... it just didn't feel right. I hugged him again instead.

I was giddy all night.

Back at my apartment, I called my new best friends Hardy* and James* to hang out, since my roomie/bestie Lauren* was gone that weekend. I ended up meeting them at a party with a bunch of their fraternity brothers. I let one guy blatantly hit on me and buy me drinks, and I shamelessly flirted with all the brothers. I gave another guy my number, although, in my defense, I thought he was gay, so I thought he literally just wanted to hang out to practice French.

I obviously did not intend to start anything serious with the not-yet-boyfriend. Yes, we had an amazing first date. Yes, I wanted to see him again. But I was also leaving the Midwest just three weeks later, August 18th, and moving to the Northeast August 28th for ten months. Dating him was just for funsies. I had zero intention of falling in love.

But I did. :) And I've never been so happy in my life.

As you read this post, I'm driving back to the Midwest; back to Lauren, Hardy, and James; back to a fun, open-minded city with tons of young people; and, most importantly, back to the boyfriend.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Book Club Friday: The Socialites and the SAT Tutors

According to my goodreads account, I've read 41 books in 2012. This does not count rereads of books, which would bump up my number considerably. And it might be missing a few books I forgot to record. But according to My Library, I've reviewed considerably less. Oops.

In a desperate attempt to catch up, at least with the best books I've read, I'm again linking up with Heather & Katie for Book Club Friday!

Being home for three weeks has given me plenty of time to read leisurely while laying out by the pool, or while sitting on the pool steps, or while relaxing in my pool float. Two books I finished recently are both about recent Ivy League graduates with student loans to repay, graduates who end up tutoring rich high school students. 

How to Teach Filthy Rich GirlsGlamorous Disasters: A Novel

How to Teach Filthy Rich Girls, by Zoey Dean, is uproariously hysterical. I giggled throughout the entire thing. Yes, it required a total suspension of disbelief, but whatever. It's a shining example of chick lit. Clever, escapist, romantic... And apparently it inspired a short-lived TV series called Privileged. Who knew?

Although it has a similar premise, Glamorous Disasters by Eliot Schrefer has only flashes of humor and presents a much darker overall tone. I still very much enjoyed it, devouring the novel in an entire (admittedly depressing) afternoon at the pool (I was just in a horrible mood Monday, for no good reason at all).

Wow. Who knew I could write such a short review? I guess I left out summaries this time, but I did link to the amazon page for both books, if you're dying to know more. ;)

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Your Choice to Make: A Guest Post

I didn't want to abandon my blog, though, so I put out a call for guest posts, and I've had several volunteers! 

Classy in K.C. is one of my online friends, via both blogging and tweeting. We've had some pretty different adventures in dating, but I still find it so easy to relate to her blog posts. Also, if you need further proof of her awesomeness, she is one of only fourteen people my boyfriend follows on twitter. High praise indeed. So, I think it goes without saying, I was thrilled when she approached me to write a guest post!  

Classy is a 21-year-old college student living her dream life in Kansas City. Her major is Public Relations, and she hopes either to work in an art museum (love this goal!!) or for a non-profit that benefits children (so maybe we have more in common than I thought). In her free time she teaches swim lessons, reads, and, of course, writes!! We hope you enjoy her guest post.

We all know that we can say no anytime we want, but what about saying yes? What happens when somebody takes away the choice to decide when we want to have sex?

In my first “grown-up” relationship with my ex-boyfriend, that choice was in a way taken from me. But probably not the way you think. My ex had decided that he was waiting until marriage, so I respected his choice and, at the time, I thought that meant I wouldn’t be having sex until marriage either.

The problems started when our relationship ended, and I was 20 years old with no hard and fast feelings on when I wanted to have sex. And let me tell you, being in a college setting with no real sexual boundaries set is NOT a good idea.

I remember hearing in all my sex-ed classes that you have to have boundaries set with a guy before anything. The problem is: it’s college. Usually there isn’t some sort of lengthy courtside where these boundaries are set.

So pretty much, these lack of boundaries led to me losing my virginity to a guy I sort of liked, but with whom I had no real emotional connection. I didn’t know him very well, and it turned out he had a girlfriend he forgot to mention, but that’s another story.

That’s not at all how I pictured it happening. I had envisioned my first time being with someone that I loved and of course there would be fireworks and candles and a harp playing softly in the background. Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but you get the picture. My first time wasn’t magical.

Now, I believe in living with no regrets, and I can’t change the past so what’s done is done. I am now happily in a relationship with someone I love, someone with whom I know sex will mean much more when it happens.

But all that being said, I think it’s really important to decide for yourself what YOU want to do with your sex life. If you don’t set your own boundaries, regardless of the situation you are in, single or taken you can end up making a decision you will regret.

The person you are with shouldn’t dictate your boundaries even if that means you would consider having sex when they don’t want to. That’s something you need to know in case you ever find yourself in… compromising situations.

If I could take it back and choose a different person to lose my virginity to, I probably would, but since I can’t, I hope that I can help others make better choices for themselves than what I did!

Classy with her sister


Edit 09/27/2012: My twin brother's tumor is completely gone, by some miraculous surgery.

Hi, friends. By now, most of y'all know how crazy my life has gotten. My twin brother has a brain tumor, I just moved back home July 6 from Toronto, and my kid brother left for Melbourne, Australia July 11. Oh, and I'm moving to the Midwest July 29. Let's just say that blogging has been the furthest thing from my mind at the moment.


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