Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Let's Talk About (Married) Sex, Baby!

Beau and I have been married almost nine months already. It feels like we've been married forever, but our wedding also feels like just yesterday.

Married sex has been great. I'm a huge fan of coitus!

I've definitely learned a few things, though, that no one tells you when you're saving sex for marriage. 

Dry spells are normal and okay.

When you save sex for marriage, regardless if you save coitus like we did or save all sexual activity for marriage, the common narrative is that married sex will be very frequent. At the very least, it will be frequent prior to kids.

No one talks about dry spells. 

No one even defines dry spells.

For Beau and me, a dry spell is going more than 8 or 9 days without sex. We usually have coitus at least once a week. Due to recent travel and illness, we just had our longest dry spell of about two weeks. And that's okay! It's not ideal, but it's okay. It's not indicative of a problem in our relationship. It's not a permanent status. It's a dry spell, and we got over it.

For other couples, sex frequency will vary greatly. A dry spell might be a month without sex, or it might be more than 3 days without sex.

Engaging in premarital sexual activity doesn't diminish how special married sex can be.

Obviously, Beau and I saved coitus for marriage, but we engaged in other premarital sexual activity. I believe sexual purity is bullshit, but most people waiting for marriage think it has some sort of merit.

Every time Beau and I have coitus, I'm amazed that we're married and having married sex. Even though we did fun naked stuff prior to marriage, it doesn't make our married sex life less special. Even when we don't have coitus, and we do the non-sex sex like before, it's still different because this time, we're married. 

Sometimes seduction isn't necessary.

Yeah, it's nice when Beau wakes me up on a Saturday morning with sexy cuddles, rubbing my back and playing with my hair. It's nice when we take a hot bath together with wine or hot tea and exchange massages. 

But sometimes I'm like, "Hey, wanna have sex?" And he's like, "Okay." We strip down and hop into bed and start making out. 

There's definitely more that we've learned together, but these three points are things I noticed missing in conversations about saving sex for marriage. 

If you're married, what surprised you about your sex life? Leave me a comment!


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