Wedding Wednesday: Loved Ones Far and Wide

It’s all over.

A wedding, a honeymoon, and three wedding receptions are finally done.

It’s a little bittersweet, to be honest.

I’m excited to be done with all the stress of planning. I’m excited to take time to settle into our house, unpack the rest of my boxes, find the perfect spot for our wedding presents, just bask in the everyday adventure of being newlyweds.

But celebrating with our friends and family has been such a joy to me. Sometimes it’s easy to forget how many people love me when I don’t get to see them often, but throwing three wedding receptions reminded Beau and me of how blessed we are. We have so many loved ones we needed three parties to accommodate them all!

While our receptions provided a lovely and needed reminder of how great the people are in my life, seeing my long-distance friends also reminded me of how hard it is to maintain long-distance relationships. I have best friends in Australia and in Canada, in Washington, Colorado, Wisconsin, and Florida. At our first reception, I reunited with my best friend and step-cousin, after almost seven years. This past weekend, I reunited with one of my au pair besties for the first time in more than three years. 

I only show mine and Beau's faces, not those of my friends and family. Les filles de 78!

It’s been just as difficult seeing my best friends who couldn’t attend either reception. My other two au pair besties I haven’t seen since July 2010 and October 2010 (Canadian and Australian, respectively). I haven’t seen one of my college best friends, a fellow French major who taught English in France while I was an au pair, since October 2011 at Homecoming.

Now I live in Small City, and I remind Beau more often than he’d like that we can’t live here forever. I’m slowly turning acquaintances into friends, and I do love his family. Game Night is the highlight of my week, with the occasional Friday night wine tasting coming in at a close second. Our house is the BEST, and the city is charming.

But seeing all of my friends this past month was a stark reminder of what I don’t have anymore. While I do have Lauren and Hardy in Big City, less than two hours away, it’s not the same as living down the street from Lauren. It’s not the same as seeing the au pairs every single day. It’s not the same as spontaneous tea parties and midnight trips to Jack-in-the-Box.

So while I’m glad not to be stressed out with wedding planning, I’m sad that I don’t know when I’ll see all my friends again. It could honestly be years, and that’s hard for me to acknowledge.

Luckily for me, I’m actually spending the rest of the week with Lauren and Hardy! Beau and I spent last night with them, and I drove Beau to the airport this morning. Instead of going back home, I’m working in the actual office all week and hanging out with besties every night. Then Saturday, Lauren and I will cheer on Hardy as he runs a half-marathon! It’s almost like the glory days from when Lauren and I were roommates!

Well… this blog post took an unexpected turn. I didn’t intend on writing such a melancholy post for Wedding Wednesday, but sometimes you don’t realize what you’re feeling until you write it all out.

Linking up with Nancy J, Meredith, and Ashlen for Wedding Wednesday!
Linking up with One Tipsy Chick for The Wednesday Roundup. 

To Make God Laugh, Tell Her Your Plans

Yesterday Bonnie wrote about how much has changed in her life since she graduated high school almost ten years ago. Her writing prompt made me think about just how much I've changed. Not only have I had some amazing experiences, but what I want out of life has changed too. Ten years ago, I was a junior in high school who had never kissed a guy. Now I'm a young woman almost five years out of college with a loving boyfriend of two and a half years. 

ONE YEAR:
What I thought: I assumed spring semester of my senior year of high school would be the best ever. I would be running most of the clubs in high school. A cute boy would ask me to prom. I would be on my way to the College of William and Mary, or Harvard University.

Where I was: Spring semester of my senior year of high school was extremely stressful. I did have leadership positions in most of the clubs, but I hadn't anticipated the stress involved. After three amazing years on dance team, I wanted to quit my senior year because being co-captain was so stressful. I didn't get into Harvard, and William and Mary wait-listed me. Luckily I was accepted into a private liberal arts university in my home state, one that I loved almost as much as my Ivy League ambitions. Oh, and I was the only one of my friends to go stag to prom.

FIVE YEARS:
What I thought: I was all about the "ring by spring." I definitely thought I would be engaged by my senior year of college. I also assumed I would be prepping for law school.

Where I was: Single. Totally single. Not only did I not have a boyfriend at the time, but I'd never had a boyfriend at that point. I'd also realized that studying law for three years would be incredibly boring. Instead, I was determined to move to France for a year to work as an au pair. At least I'd figured out by this point that being single was pretty cool, and moving to France would be easier without a boyfriend back home.

My roommates and I threw an Oscar's party my senior year. It was a blast!

I saw the Jonas Brothers 3D movie at midnight with a close friend. The person who took our tickets told us how cool it was that our parents let us go out on a school night. My friend and I were 21. This is me with my driver's license.

TEN YEARS:
What I thought: Oh, I definitely thought I'd be married with a baby by now! I assumed I'd be doing international law, but still living somewhere in the South.

Where I am: Still a virgin. Definitely not married. Definitely without a baby. Working a job that is interesting and challenging, but has nothing to do with my degree. Living in the Midwest, which might as well be a million miles away from my family.

I'm a virgin in real life and on TV!

I also feel like I should point out that I started my livejournal, which I still technically have, almost ten years ago exactly. And I first signed up for tumblr and twitter about five years ago. I've always been expressing myself online. I've just found a new medium to do so!

What about you? Ten years ago, did you think you'd be where you are today?

Paris, je t'aime

Paris me manque.

Two years ago today, I left Paris.

Writing that out breaks my heart. I miss Paris so much.

I began my love affair with Paris at a young age. I have no idea what initially piqued my interest, but for as long as I can remember, I have wanted to visit Paris.

Le Tour Eiffel

My junior year of college, I finally fulfilled my dream and studied abroad in France. For three months, I lived in Versailles with a French family and took theatre, conversation, grammar, and culture classes with eleven fellow students from my school. Each Wednesday afternoon, we had a cultural field trip, like to the Musée d’Orsay or to Auvers-sur-Oise (where Van Gogh died). On the weekends, we had optional trips, but they were even cooler. One weekend we toured Giverny (Monet’s home and gardens), and another weekend we spent visiting Le Petit Trianon. I found out that recent French grads could teach English in France, and I vowed to return when I finished school.

The grave of Vincent Van Gogh.

Losing My (Sex Shop) Virginity

I look hot tonight.

I’m wearing my new Rock Revival jeans, a nice little bonus I received from my boss this week. Topped with a simple black button-down (with gathered elastic over the bust!) and accessorized with red wedges & a red necklace. Plus I’m actually wearing a touch of make-up: my roommate and our friend Sue* worked magic on my eyes, which I complimented with a hint of lip gloss.

The purpose of looking hot?

Feeling old enough to go to a sex shop.

Legally, I’ve been old enough for… awhile, to say the least. But I didn’t fully embrace myself as a sexual being until I finished undergrad (and moved to France), and I didn’t embrace my attraction to women until about a year ago (after two years of kissing women in France). So the idea of going to a sex shop has honestly only crossed my mind once or twice before tonight.

Seriously, the thought of it used to make me blush and stammer and try to joke like I wasn’t shocked, but my friends always saw through me.

Tonight, though, tonight, I became a woman.

Tonight, I lost my (sex shop) virginity.

*happy dance*

SteampunkTink and Sue had plans to go after work today. I had nothing going on, so my roommate invited me to join them. They were almost as excited for my first time as I was!

Confession: My sex shop virginity mirrored my real life virginity. As in, I had technically never been in a sex shop before tonight, but I had browsed a Good Vibrations catalog, researched different options at amazon, and, uh, enjoyed a toy or two or three.

Your Choice to Make: A Guest Post

I didn't want to abandon my blog, though, so I put out a call for guest posts, and I've had several volunteers! 

Classy in K.C. is one of my online friends, via both blogging and tweeting. We've had some pretty different adventures in dating, but I still find it so easy to relate to her blog posts. Also, if you need further proof of her awesomeness, she is one of only fourteen people my boyfriend follows on twitter. High praise indeed. So, I think it goes without saying, I was thrilled when she approached me to write a guest post!  

Classy is a 21-year-old college student living her dream life in Kansas City. Her major is Public Relations, and she hopes either to work in an art museum (love this goal!!) or for a non-profit that benefits children (so maybe we have more in common than I thought). In her free time she teaches swim lessons, reads, and, of course, writes!! We hope you enjoy her guest post.

We all know that we can say no anytime we want, but what about saying yes? What happens when somebody takes away the choice to decide when we want to have sex?

In my first “grown-up” relationship with my ex-boyfriend, that choice was in a way taken from me. But probably not the way you think. My ex had decided that he was waiting until marriage, so I respected his choice and, at the time, I thought that meant I wouldn’t be having sex until marriage either.

The problems started when our relationship ended, and I was 20 years old with no hard and fast feelings on when I wanted to have sex. And let me tell you, being in a college setting with no real sexual boundaries set is NOT a good idea.

I remember hearing in all my sex-ed classes that you have to have boundaries set with a guy before anything. The problem is: it’s college. Usually there isn’t some sort of lengthy courtside where these boundaries are set.

So pretty much, these lack of boundaries led to me losing my virginity to a guy I sort of liked, but with whom I had no real emotional connection. I didn’t know him very well, and it turned out he had a girlfriend he forgot to mention, but that’s another story.

That’s not at all how I pictured it happening. I had envisioned my first time being with someone that I loved and of course there would be fireworks and candles and a harp playing softly in the background. Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but you get the picture. My first time wasn’t magical.

Now, I believe in living with no regrets, and I can’t change the past so what’s done is done. I am now happily in a relationship with someone I love, someone with whom I know sex will mean much more when it happens.

But all that being said, I think it’s really important to decide for yourself what YOU want to do with your sex life. If you don’t set your own boundaries, regardless of the situation you are in, single or taken you can end up making a decision you will regret.

The person you are with shouldn’t dictate your boundaries even if that means you would consider having sex when they don’t want to. That’s something you need to know in case you ever find yourself in… compromising situations.

If I could take it back and choose a different person to lose my virginity to, I probably would, but since I can’t, I hope that I can help others make better choices for themselves than what I did!

Classy with her sister

XO,

Classy 

Edit 09/27/2012: My twin brother's tumor is completely gone, by some miraculous surgery.

Hi, friends. By now, most of y'all know how crazy my life has gotten. My twin brother has a brain tumor, I just moved back home July 6 from Toronto, and my kid brother left for Melbourne, Australia July 11. Oh, and I'm moving to the Midwest July 29. Let's just say that blogging has been the furthest thing from my mind at the moment.

The Five Love Languages, Or Why I Need You to Tell Me How Brilliant I Am

Quality Time ♥ Words of Affirmation

Gifts ♥ Acts of Service ♥ Physical Touch

Many many moons ago, I briefly mentioned The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman. My college roommate and bestie for life, Rose,* first introduced me to this book our junior year. She and her then boyfriend (now fiancé!) had made an agreement for Valentine's Day. Rose would pick out a relationship book that she thought Landon* would like, and he would pick out a pornographic film he thought she would enjoy.

Confession: Whenever my friends ask me for relationship advice (which is bizarrely often, considering I'm only six months into my first relationship), I usually think to myself WWRaLD or “What would Rose and Landon do?” They are one of the most mature, most thoughtful, most respectful couples I've ever met. I'm so honored to be a bridesmaid in their wedding next year!

Being the readers that we are, of course Rose and I had to read the introductory chapter first before she could wrap her gift. Then we each took the quiz, and we each read the chapter on our own love language. (My primary love language is fairly obvious—Words of Affirmation. Rose's is Gifts.) Until this week, though, that was as much as I had experienced from the book.

Regrets? I Have None.

Confession: Occasionally I doubt the decisions I've made. Occasionally I ask myself “what if?” Occasionally I look at my friends and wonder if they know something I don't.

Should I have attended such an expensive, private university? I'm leaning towards teaching high school rather than earning my Ph.D., so it's not as though I need the prestigious credentials.

What if I had gone to grad school straight after undergrad, instead of moving to France? I could be halfway towards my Ph.D. already, with my Master's in hand.

If everyone else is having sex, then why I do I continue to wait for marriage? No one would fault me or think I'm hypocritical. Waiting to be in love is still an accomplishment.

Occasionally these thoughts run through my head. But most of the time?

I'm totally confident in what I've done, who I am, and where I'm going.

I've watched my dreams come true, from joining a sorority to studying abroad in France, from working in France to interning at my sorority's headquarters.

I'm a fearless young woman in love for the first time, working for an amazing French family in a friendly suburb of a glamorous city, and gearing up to move to Canada with them.

I continue to follow my heart, as I've always done. My heart has led me outside of the South, which may always be home, but is no longer big enough to contain me.

Life doesn't always happen the way we plan it, and that can be a good thing. Yes, be ambitious, set goals, but when your heart's desire changes, don't be afraid to change your life along with it. 

Virgin Myths: Virgins are Boring

Cherry graphic via

I don't drink,
Or swear.
I don't rat my hair.
I get ill from one cigarette.

Myth: Virgins abstain from having sex, so they must abstain from all other “risky” behaviors as well.

Y'all have seen Grease, right? I love this movie, despite its flaws. (Virgin/whore dichotomy much?) I think one of my favorite songs from the movie is “Sandra Dee,” when Rizzo makes fun of Sandy for being a goody-two-shoes. For one, we get a glimpse at Rizzo's amazing legs. But two, even though the song mocks Sandy's virginity, I've always liked the explicit description of saving sex for marriage. Off the top of my head, I can't think of a single other song that does that. Even Billy Joel's “Only the Good Die Young,” (another personal favorite) just alludes to waiting to have sex.

Me & OKC (Part One): A French Fling

I still remember my feeling of slightly judgmental surprise when Susan* told me she had signed up for match.com and eharmony.com.

“But we're only juniors!” I said. “You're too young. Maybe one day, like when I'm 30 and desperate, I'll look into online dating...” I realized I was coming off as totally judgmental, so I tried to temper my criticism. “I mean, there's nothing wrong with online dating. A couple from my church met that way, and now they're married with two darling sons. It's just... I feel as though you're prettier and smarter than the townies.”

Susan was one of my roommates junior year. My best friend Rose* was always asleep when I got back to our apartment each night after the library closed, but Susan and Jade* were usually still awake and eager to gossip about the men in our lives. Jade always talked about her boyfriend, I always sighed about my best friend Mark,* but this was the first time Susan had really giggled about a guy. A guy she'd met online.

Jade and I were both dubious. It just seemed... weird. And desperate. And frankly? Not something that beautiful, smart, southern girls did.

Fast forward several years. Not only do I have an account at okcupid.com, but I met my boyfriend (!!!) via OKC.

How the hell did this happen?