Tuesday, February 4, 2014

For the Woman I Used to Be

I started writing Confessions of a Virgin in July 2011, after months of wanting to write about virginity. As I've mentioned before, I wrote my very first post the morning after my first date with Beau

At the time of writing my inaugural post, I had never: 
  • had a boyfriend
  • been in love
  • been naked with a man
  • seen a man naked
  • performed fellatio
  • enjoyed cunnilingus or received it sober
  • used a vibrator 
  • had skype sex
I wasn't just a virgin--I was downright virginal, and I felt very alone in my sexual inexperience, even if it was by choice.

About this time last year, I took my blog offline to refocus my writing. When I started blogging again, I had rebranded as Finding My Virginity. The change in title reflected both what I had learned in my first year and a half of blogging and how I had changed during that time.

I thought about these changes a few weeks ago when the Fusion Network asked me to be on two of their shows to talk about the documentary How to Lose Your Virginity. Both Alicia Menendez and Mariana Van Zeller wanted to know the same thing from me.


Not "Why are you saving coitus for marriage?" but instead, "Why did you agree to talk so candidly about virginity for this documentary?"

I don't remember what I said on-camera, which required thinking on my feet and replying with only a few seconds to prepare a response.

But the reason I let Therese interview me for her documentary is threefold. 
  1. I'm not ashamed of the sexual choices I've made
  2. I want other virgins to know they're not alone
  3. I am shamelessly ambitious about my writing
Those first two reasons are why I started blogging. Why I started opening up about my life as a virgin. Why I continue to blog about virginity even though I've discovered the joys of oral sex and mutual masturbation and sex toys.

Everything I blog, or tweet, or say on TV, I do not just for who I am today, but for who I was in the past. 

The teenage kissing virgin who was slut-shamed... The religious college student who thought masturbation was a sin... The closeted bisexual who discovered herself in France.

I might not be the same woman that I used to be, but I remember what it felt like being her. I write candidly for that woman, and for anyone like her, women who just need a friendly feminist friend.

I hope you'll tune in to Fusion this Saturday at 8pm to watch Documental. Besides getting to see the kickass documentary How to Lose Your Virginity, you'll also discover my REAL name and some big life changes that won't be on the blog for a few months.


  1. That's so exciting you got to be part of a documentary! I think it's easy to write off virgins as "religious freaks," so I think it's great for you to speak so candidly about your decisions, and how it doesn't have to be some sort of choice forced upon you by religion.

    1. It is exciting! Kinda makes me feel like I'll be immortalized or something. :)

      I agree with your assessment, that a lot of people stereotype virgins instead of realizing we're real people. I'm here to change the conversation!

      Thanks for commenting :D

  2. and this is why you are one of my favorite bloggers. you are so open, honest..but besides that, I can tell you really care about others and--you listen. you listen and you are so empathetic. You, dear, are amazing, and I can't wait to keep reading your posts and seeing you grown!!

  3. do you know if this will be streaming online? I really want to watch it!

  4. how the hell did i miss this?? congrats, my love!


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