tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44878979755535520902024-03-06T00:35:00.478-05:00Finding My VirginityA Christian feminist living outside the <br> Virgin/Whore dichotomyAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.comBlogger279125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-16218126052348770062015-06-08T23:53:00.000-04:002015-06-08T23:53:14.415-04:00When Words Aren't EnoughMy mom is dying.<br />
<br />
Just typing that doesn't seem real. Doesn't feel possible.<br />
<br />
My smart, funny, beautiful, loving, humble, gracious mother sang "Happy birthday" to my twin brother and me for the last time tonight.<br />
<br />
Barring a miracle, today was my last birthday with my mom.<br />
<br />
I'm only 28. My younger brother is only 23. I secretly feel guilty about how much more time my twin brother and I had with her. Mom went back to work when I was in middle school. I had a SAHM for the first 12 or so years of my life.<br />
<br />
I cry at the most random times.<br />
<br />
I also suddenly understand maybe how family members can fight over family possessions. I'm sure my mom's sisters won't all be thrilled that she's leaving me most of her diamond and sapphire jewelry, although I did suggest my SIL (twin's wife) receive one of the two necklaces. I'm also sure my mom's sisters won't believe that I care about the stories behind her jewelry. I don't want the jewels; I want the ring my parents picked out together when they got engaged. I want the earrings Daddy gave Mommy for their first anniversary, especially since he totally faked her out. I want the bracelet Daddy used to break the news to Mom that we were leaving sunny California for small town South. These are the stories I've made my parents tell me time after time, year after year. They're the stories I'll tell anyone who will listen when I want to share how much my parents love each other.<br />
<br />
I want to know all the stories, and now I'm scared that I won't know which questions to ask my mom before it's too late. I went through a few old battered pieces that I knew had stories and wrote them down with her the other day.<br />
<br />
My mom's mom, my last surviving grandparent, died last September. Which of her stories are now lost?<br />
<br />
I'm home for a week, and my goal is to help my mom write her book, The Gifts of Brain Cancer.<br />
<br />
While I love how loved she is, and how so many people want to visit her, I also want to shoo everyone away and just let me sit with my mom and get her book on paper.<br />
<br />
I know where to go to get it formatted. I know where to look to hire a book cover designer. I know the entire process of getting her book on Amazon as a self-published work.<br />
<br />
But she has to write it first, and I have to help her.<br />
<br />
She's lost total mobility on her left side. She's still doing what she can with her right arm, but she's so incredibly weak. At least she's write-handed, so she can write things if needed. But her handwriting is atrocious, and there just isn't time to let her hand write the rest of her book. She's already spent a few hours with a good friend of hers, going through the handwritten pages she's done so far, and letting her friend type them up.<br />
<br />
I hope one day I can be surrounded by bouquets of beautiful flowers for a happy reason, or no reason at all. I'm not even sure how many we have now. Five? But it seems like you only get showered with flowers when your world is falling down around you.<br />
<br />
I feel like I've been so callous and uncaring in the past when people my age lost parents. Yes, I knew it was sad, and tragic, especially one neighbor who lost both of her parents to cancer within a few years of each other. But I didn't get it. If I met someone who already was without a parent, I spared a short thought, "That sucks" and moved on.<br />
<br />
My dad was around my age, if not younger, when his dad died. I always knew my grandfather died young, in only his 50s, and I always wished I could have known him. But I was thinking about my grandmother. I never thought about what it was like for my dad to lose his dad in his 20s.<br />
<br />
It doesn't seem real. It can't be real. Only my grandmother could out-sparkle and out-purple my mom.<br />
<br />
I feel like I'm going to be the only one left. Yes, I'm my father's daughter in many ways, but I'm a Norwegian woman. I've always felt a special bond between me, my mom, and my grandma. I call us by my grandma's maiden name, not her married name aka my mom's maiden name.<br />
<br />
I wanted so much to have my mom with me whenever I have a baby. I've wanted my own baby for so long, but Beau and I wanted a few years to adjust to married life. Plus my Crohn's has been so bad that my body probably couldn't healthily gestate a fetus right now if I tried.<br />
<br />
My grandma stayed with my parents for six weeks when my twin brother and I were born. I always hoped my mom would stay with me for a few weeks when it was my turn.<br />
<br />
I wish I could stay with my parents longer than a week. But I have to start Remicaide (an IV infusion of several hours) next Tuesday. At least I'll be back, with Beau and his parents, the last weekend in June.<br />
<br />
My parents accept planning that far in advance, so I'm very cautiously optimistic that I'll have my mom for a few more weeks. The doctors wouldn't or couldn't give us a timeline.<br />
<br />
If you've read my ramblings all the way through, thank you. Please keep my mom, my dad, and our whole family in your thoughts and prayers.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-77928706360113268042015-01-25T22:55:00.000-05:002015-01-25T22:55:04.552-05:00No Offense, But Your Reading Comprehension Sucks<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;">No offense, but your understanding of modest culture is very wrong.
you're judging all of us based on what a few people have said. modesty
is for BOTH men and women, so it's not sexist. If it really was about
"women cover up so men don't get tempted" then THAT would be bad. But
no, it's about both men and women dressing appropriately according to
location, both saving themselves for the person they love, and all the
rules are appIied for both sexes. It's balanced that way, unlike the
western culture, which has women so routinely naked and men covered.
That it sexist, is it not? It's just as bad as calling a girl a slut and
praising the boy. And shaming us for being modest and assuming our
reasons is just as bad as slut-shaming and assuming their reasons for
dressing a certain way. Modesty is nice. It's our choice. Please stop
bashing it. Thanks.</span></blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Yeah, okay.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Let's break this down bit by bit.</span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;">No offense, but your understanding of modest culture is very wrong.
you're judging all of us based on what a few people have said. </span></blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Countless people have shared their stories at <a href="http://noshamemovement.com/" target="_blank">No Shame Movement</a> of how religious people shamed them for their bodies. I've featured <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/01/the-day-i-showed-my-boobs-guest-post.html" target="_blank">guest posts</a> on my own blog <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2013/12/today-i-am-28-guest-post.html" target="_blank">from women</a> who grew up in Christian cultures that taught them harmful messages about their breasts causing men to sin. Not to mention <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2013/01/my-boobs-have-nothing-to-do-with-you.html" target="_blank">I've shared my own experiences</a> of the Christian church objectifying me.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Oh, and literally just a few days ago, another Christian dude-bro decided to chime in and tell women to cover up so we don't cause our brothers to "stumble."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en">
<a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/christiancleavage?src=hash">#christiancleavage</a> in its entirety, ladies and gentlemen. THE INTERNET IS FOREVER BUAHAHAHA <a href="http://t.co/wnPfQb70Iw">pic.twitter.com/wnPfQb70Iw</a><br />
— Emily Joy (@softlysoaring) <a href="https://twitter.com/softlysoaring/status/558760463123496961">January 23, 2015</a></blockquote>
<br /><script async="" charset="utf-8" src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">No offense, but a hell of a lot more than "a few" people preach that women must dress a certain way, or we're responsible for men's lust.</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">modesty
is for BOTH men and women, so it's not sexist. </span></blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Bull. Shit. Remember the <a href="http://www.xojane.com/issues/tuesday-cain-open-letter-to-the-mom-who-posted-rules-for-teenage-girls-on-facebook" target="_blank">hypocritical mom who judged teenage girls</a> for being sexy online while posting pictures of her teenage sons shirtless at the beach? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And the countless articles that come out every spring admonishing women <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2013/06/my-bikini-answer-i-am-not-cake.html" target="_blank">not to wear bikinis</a>? Why don't they ever tell men to cover up at the beach?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;">If it really was about
"women cover up so men don't get tempted" then THAT would be bad.</span></blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">At least you agree with me in principle. You're just blind to any reality other than your own little bubble. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Go read another one of <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2013/08/my-bikini-answer-all-women-cannot.html" target="_blank">my posts on modesty and lust and the misapplication of Romans</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;">But
no, it's about both men and women dressing appropriately according to
location, both saving themselves for the person they love, and all the
rules are appIied for both sexes. It's balanced that way, unlike the
western culture, which has women so routinely naked and men covered.
That it sexist, is it not?</span></blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">If it was about people dressing appropriately according to location, people would stop having conniption fits about women wearing bikinis at the pool or beach. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm criticizing Western Culture. I'm assuming you're not American. I am. I am writing from the perspective of an American Christian feminist who thinks Modesty Culture and Purity Culture promote harmful, sexist ideas. While the <i>choice in the media</i> to have scantily-clad women alongside fully-clothed men (like in Blurred Lines) is one that objectifies women, the <i>individual choice of women</i> to wear bikinis on the beach or shorts in the summer is good. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;">It's just as bad as calling a girl a slut and
praising the boy. And shaming us for being modest and assuming our
reasons is just as bad as slut-shaming and assuming their reasons for
dressing a certain way. Modesty is nice. It's our choice. Please stop
bashing it. Thanks.</span></blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I assume English is not your first language. I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say here. This is my best response. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Yes, the slut-player dichotomy is wrong. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Don't put words into my mouth. Tell me where, exactly, I wrote a SINGLE WORD shaming anyone for their choice in clothing. You can wear whatever you want. I don't care.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The problem is when society pressures women to dress a certain way for the benefit of men. In Modesty Culture, that means Christians and churches often shame women into dressing a certain way for the sole purpose of protecting men. "Don't cause your Christian brothers to stumble" is a frequent admonition to women. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Again, don't put words into my mouth. Where did I assume why an <i>individual </i>person dresses a certain way?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I am critiquing a <i>culture</i> that shames women into dressing a certain way, and punishes them if they don't.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">So, no offense, but maybe you shouldn't leave condescending comments that indicate a clear lack of understanding of the issue at hand.</span> </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-49246224293703388742015-01-21T11:30:00.001-05:002015-01-21T11:30:38.083-05:00Guess Who's Having a Baby...<span style="font-size: large;">Not me.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Made you look.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But Beau and I do have exciting baby news.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">We're going to be an aunt and uncle!!!!!!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Beau's brother and SIL are expecting a wee one!!!!!!!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">They told us before Christmas, along with all the other siblings and their parents. They didn't publicly announce it until last Friday, after her latest doctor's appointment.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Everyone is very excited. This will be the first grandchild for Beau's parents.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Also there's less pressure on Beau and me to have kids, although it honestly hasn't been too obnoxious since we could always say, "Well, Beau's brother and SIL have been married longer, so they should have kids first."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Yay for a new baby in the family!!!!! </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-74161796646999069462015-01-05T20:45:00.000-05:002015-01-05T20:45:09.123-05:00Why Do Stupid People Comment on My Blog?<span style="font-size: large;">I don't have time tonight to address in detail the latest incident of stupidity in the comments, but rest assured, I will.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And rest assured, if you are polite when you disagree with me, or you are polite when you are confused with what I write, or you are polite when you ask a question for clarification, I won't publicly humiliate you like I plan to do to someone else in the next few days.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But if you're an idiot AND your comment is dripping with condescension, "No offense, but..." then I'm going to take you down.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Let's start with some basics of reading comprehension, shall we?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">A single word, like "person," has one meaning. The word "person," by itself, is fairly vague, and applies to a lot of living beings. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Two words, like "smart person," has a more specific meaning. The word "person" could apply to a "smart person," but "person" also applies to a "stupid person." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Thus, "person" /=/ "smart person."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Let's move on to some basics of reading a blog.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Blogs have links. These links provide additional and/or supporting information to the blog's content. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Person" target="_blank">this link to the Wikipedia article for "person."</a> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Bloggers provide these links in case our readers are interested in the topic and would like to learn more.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Bloggers also provide these links for clarification, in case our readers need more information to understand our topic.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Inbound links are links to previous writing by the blogger, on the blog. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Like <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/search/label/blog%20readers" target="_blank">this link to my "blog readers" tag.</a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Inbound links are particularly helpful when a blogger has already written extensively on a topic, and doesn't feel the need to rewrite the same damn thing with every subsequent post.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Tags are words or phrases that bloggers apply to blog posts to help our blog readers find related content. As seen in the example above, sometimes we provide inbound links directly to a tag within the text of a blog. Otherwise, you can find the same link at the bottom of the blog post.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Conclusion?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Don't tell me that I don't know anything about "modesty" in a post on MODESTY CULTURE. Because "modesty" is NOT the equivalent of "modesty culture." </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">No fucking duh.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Especially when I include <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/search/label/modesty" target="_blank">LINKS GALORE</a> to all <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/search/label/purity%20culture" target="_blank">the shit</a> I've <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/search/label/boobs" target="_blank">already written</a> on this topic. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Thus concludes today's lesson on How to be a Fucking Idiot.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-31662297467960553812014-12-09T21:28:00.000-05:002014-12-09T21:28:12.203-05:00Let's Talk About (Married) Sex, Baby!<span style="font-size: large;">Beau and I have been married almost nine months already. It feels like we've been married forever, but our wedding also feels like just yesterday.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Married sex has been great. I'm a huge fan of coitus!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I've definitely learned a few things, though, that no one tells you when you're saving sex for marriage. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-X0KzOgX_ElQ/VIevDVOD7GI/AAAAAAAABZQ/EWJFwPal-AQ/s1600/married-sex.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-X0KzOgX_ElQ/VIevDVOD7GI/AAAAAAAABZQ/EWJFwPal-AQ/s1600/married-sex.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<h3>
<span style="font-size: large;">Dry spells are normal and okay.</span></h3>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">When you save sex for marriage, regardless if you save coitus like we did or save all sexual activity for marriage, the common narrative is that married sex will be very frequent. At the very least, it will be frequent prior to kids.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">No one talks about dry spells. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">No one even defines dry spells.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">For Beau and me, a dry spell is going more than 8 or 9 days without sex. We usually have coitus at least once a week. Due to recent travel and illness, we just had our longest dry spell of about two weeks. And that's okay! It's not ideal, but it's okay. It's not indicative of a problem in our relationship. It's not a permanent status. It's a dry spell, and we got over it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">For other couples, sex frequency will vary greatly. A dry spell might be a month without sex, or it might be more than 3 days without sex.</span><br />
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-size: large;">Engaging in premarital sexual activity doesn't diminish how special married sex can be.</span></h3>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Obviously, Beau and I saved coitus for marriage, but we engaged in other premarital sexual activity. I believe <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2011/12/so-what-if-im-technical-virgin.html" target="_blank">sexual purity is bullshit</a>, but most people waiting for marriage think it has some sort of merit.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Every time Beau and I have coitus, I'm amazed that we're married and having married sex. Even though we did fun naked stuff prior to marriage, it doesn't make our married sex life less special. Even when we don't have coitus, and we do the non-sex sex like before, it's still different because this time, we're married. </span><br />
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes seduction isn't necessary.</span></h3>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Yeah, it's nice when Beau wakes me up on a Saturday morning with sexy cuddles, rubbing my back and playing with my hair. It's nice when we take a hot bath together with wine or hot tea and exchange massages. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">But sometimes I'm like, "Hey, wanna have sex?" And he's like, "Okay." We strip down and hop into bed and start making out. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">There's definitely more that we've learned together, but these three points are things I noticed missing in conversations about saving sex for marriage. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>If you're married, what surprised you about your sex life? Leave me a comment!</i></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-26619162691365735172014-11-11T22:55:00.000-05:002014-11-11T22:55:05.850-05:00Honesty is Not an Ultimatum<span style="font-size: large;">This is fast and disorganized because I'm tired, but I'm inspired by two recent Internet interactions.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The first is <a href="http://redd.it/2m051b" target="_blank">this relationship thread on Reddit</a>. Basically, a young couple has been together for 3+ years and discussed marriage. The dude told his girlfriend he wants to get engaged/married later than they'd originally planned. She responds that if their engagement/marriage timeline changed, it would hurt her feelings.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">He described that as an ultimatum.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">What.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Fuck.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's an ultimatum to tell a person that if they make a big, unexpected decision that changes your life, you're going to have feelings about it?!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">No, it's not. That's called honesty. That's called communication.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The second is a comment reply I received. I commented (under my real name) on a blog post about women burning out from trying to do everything. It was pretty standard stuff about asking for help and learning to say no. So I commented that I'm pretty good about saying no unless Beau wants us to attend something as a couple. Basically his family (especially lately) invites us to do stuff with them all the time, often at the last minute. Our friends also invite us to parties and dinners and happy hours and whatnot. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I said that occasionally I'll tell Beau that we can go to whatever social event he wants to attend in a weekend, but then I won't have time for sex that weekend.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's really not that difficult to understand. In a typical weekend, we already have at least one thing on the calendar from well in advance, whether it be a party or a play or whatever. Then I need time to blog, especially if it's a weekend before or after a particularly demanding weekend. I also need time to do stuff around the house, like laundry. Add in time for daily chores (cooking, dishes), a proper amount of sleep, and sex, and the weekend is pretty full. If Beau then receives a last-minute invitation for the two of us, something has to give for us to go.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I want to be a writer. Blogging is not a hobby. I have one paid column already. My eventual goal is to quit my current job and be a full-time freelance writer. I cannot do that if I'm not writing at LEAST 3-4 days a week. My blog will not grow if I do not spend at LEAST 7 hours a week promoting it. I usually write every single day, and I usually promote 10 hours a week. I devote 20+ hours a week to my blog. I will make money from it one day, but only if I work my ass off on it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So no, not blogging is not an option.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I also need freakish amounts of sleep. Giving up sleep is not an option.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So yeah, if Beau's family invites us to do something (which will inevitably take 3-7 hours of my day, easily) on the weekend at the last minute, then sex is not happening.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">That's not an ultimatum. That's being honest with my time and my priorities, but it's also asking Beau to be accountable for his time and his priorities. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm so sick of the narrative that accuses women of making ultimatums. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Ultimatums are a two-way street. Is me saying, "We can have dinner with your parents, but then we can't have sex this weekend," an ultimatum? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Then how would you describe the opposite, that is, "I want us to have dinner with my parents, and I want to have sex with you, so you have to give up something important to you because my needs are more important than yours."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">(I hope it goes without saying that Beau is always totally understanding when I give him choices about sex, or when I tell him the parameters necessary for sex to happen).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So can we stop with the sexist bullshit assumption that anytime a woman gives a man a choice, she's giving him an ultimatum? </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-32990785068310453002014-10-18T00:04:00.000-04:002014-10-18T10:04:36.816-04:00Extended Thoughts on Coitus and Consent<span style="font-size: large;">Tonight I joined director <a href="https://twitter.com/TrixieFilms" target="_blank">Therese Shechter</a> for a Q&A following a screening of her kickass documentary <a href="http://www.virginitymovie.com/" target="_blank"><i>How to Lose Your Virginity</i></a>. As is often true when I answer questions regarding my thoughts on sex, virginity, and everything in-between, I always wish I could have said more. But we had limited time, and I didn't want to drone on and on with my Christian feminist bisexual former virgin wisdom. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Luckily I have a blog, so I can expand upon a few of my points!</span><br />
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-size: large;">Healthy, Consensual Sexual Relationships</span></h3>
<span style="font-size: large;">As is probably apparent in my blog, promoting consent is my feminist passion. A discussion about what is sex, what is virginity, how do I define my sexual relationships is <b>irrelevant </b>without <i>first</i> establishing <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/search/label/consent" target="_blank">consent</a>. Consent is necessary for every step in a sexual relationship (and as <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2013/05/consent-how-to-guide.html" target="_blank">I've discussed before</a>, nonverbal consent counts), from kissing to sexy touching all the way to coitus or kink. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But the conversations that Therese and I hope to inspire regarding attitudes of the female body and female sexuality also include consent. By challenging the idea that a woman's body is not her own, that her sexuality is nonexistent, we also promote the idea that a woman must consent to sex. When women have sexual agency, consent becomes a necessary part of the conversation. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">While male virginity is not the focus on the documentary, it is an important topic under the conversation about masculinity. When masculinity is no longer tied to sexual prowess, they will be more free to pursue healthy, consensual sexual relationships.</span><br />
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-size: large;">Self-Labels and the Limitations of Language</span></h3>
<span style="font-size: large;">I think it's very important to accept labels that people choose for themselves. That said, we should choose our labels carefully, and we should also acknowledge how limited they are. Prior to marriage, I used the label "virgin" to describe myself, primarily because I placed value on my decision to save coitus for marriage. Once I discovered the French phrase "demi-vièrge," I preferred to use it. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But whatever labels work for you or for me, one label doesn't provide moral superiority. My sexual choices are NOT tied into my goodness as a person, my integrity, or my morality. (Except for the choice to ONLY engage in consensual sexual activities, obviously).</span><br />
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-size: large;">Multiple Virginities </span></h3>
<span style="font-size: large;">What's great about changing the conversation regarding virginity is the acknowledgement of all sexual milestones. Especially for LGBTQ+ people.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I married my first boyfriend. I never had a chance to have sex with a woman. In a way, I will always be demi-vièrge, because I've never had any sort of sex, by any definition (except French-kissing), with a woman. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I know I haven't blogged much about being bisexual. It's honestly something that I'm still working through myself, especially since I'm not out to my family, Beau's family, and most of my friends. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But my attraction to women is important to me. It is part of who I am. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The decision to be in a monogamous relationship with Beau is important to me. Our marriage is part of who we are. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So while demi-vièrge is an imperfect label, it continues to reflect my sexuality and my sexual choices. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>What do you want to add to the conversation about sex and virginity?</b></span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-57538613109051465712014-09-18T20:14:00.000-04:002018-03-14T15:32:46.107-04:00How I Used Sex Toys to Prepare for an Awesome Wedding Night<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>Contains Amazon Affiliate links. No, I will not know if you decide to buy the same sex toys. That data is not tracked.</i></span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iZ3lA0cVAig/VBt0hpjcRsI/AAAAAAAABY4/ujyYbdSsIAs/s1600/sex-toys-wedding-night.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iZ3lA0cVAig/VBt0hpjcRsI/AAAAAAAABY4/ujyYbdSsIAs/s1600/sex-toys-wedding-night.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">If you caught me on <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/09/sequel-to-how-to-lose-your-virginity.html" target="_blank">Fusion's airing</a> of <i>How to Lose Your Virginity</i> via their show "Documental," then you also had the chance to hear me describe some of the sex toys that Beau and I were using at the time. The filming of "Documental" was two months before our wedding, but Beau and I actually spent about six months with my toys to prepare for our wedding night.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So what toys did we use?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">1) <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00DSC1U2E/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00DSC1U2E&linkCode=as2&tag=findmyvirg-20&linkId=54KRF5XVQ7GWPNX2" target="_blank">Clone a Willy kit</a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">2) <a href="http://amzn.to/2pcv95O" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">A set of dilators</a> (Edit 03/14/2018: This is an updated version of what I used four years ago. It is not exactly what I used, but it is similar). </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">We actually ordered the Clone a Willy kit first. The idea was for me to slowly learn to adjust to an object approximately the same size as Beau's, um, penis.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>Y'all, it's so much easier for me to describe my body and my feelings about sex than to write about Beau.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Luckily Beau had ordered the beginner's kit version which had extra plaster material, because it was really difficult to do. It took us two tries to make the dildo correctly. </span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aAD83xOXzxI/VBtzJcUneGI/AAAAAAAABYk/VTZp-TiX0TA/s1600/SAM_1080.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aAD83xOXzxI/VBtzJcUneGI/AAAAAAAABYk/VTZp-TiX0TA/s1600/SAM_1080.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All our assembled tools to clone a willy</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ga0l9abbhfo/VBtzMy-QAkI/AAAAAAAABYs/AuA1Zfn7jCk/s1600/SAM_1081.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ga0l9abbhfo/VBtzMy-QAkI/AAAAAAAABYs/AuA1Zfn7jCk/s1600/SAM_1081.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It was impossible not to make a mess. That is only some of the plaster that spilled everywhere.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Once it completely set, we were really excited to try it out. We started with our regular non-coital sexy routine, lots of kissing and touching and whatnot. Beau reached for the toy, positioned it, and...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Nope.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">You know how some people joke about "just the tip"? Yeah, we could barely get the tip in me, and even that hurt a little. Pushing more than that hurt more than I could manage, so obviously we stopped. And this was with lube.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So then I had this idea for a nesting set of dildos. Like when I explained it to my friends, I described what I wanted as nesting dolls, but dildos. I had no idea what I wanted actually existed, though, so when Beau and I went to our local sex shop, I instead looked for dildos smaller than my personalized one, but bigger than my other toys.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Y'all, the poor guy who helped us was so bewildered by our virginity, but he did suggest the dilator set for us! It was everything I wanted and more! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The main part is a very thin vibrator. Then it comes with sleeves that attach over the vibrator, one-by-one, expanding both the width and the length. You end up with an option of four different sizes. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The two small sizes were fine, but we spent a lot of time over our engagement working on the two big sizes. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/08/virgin-myths-popping-her-cherry.html" target="_blank">I've read the sex literature</a>; I know that a <a href="http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodies/my_corona_the_anatomy_formerly_known_as_the_hymen_the_myths_that_surround_it" target="_blank">vaginal corona</a> is already elastic and expands with arousal. But I also know that every vagina-holder is different, and our vagina coronas are different. Some might need time and practice to stretch to accommodate an object like a penis.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">As <a href="http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodies/20_questions_about_virginity_scarleteen_interviews_hanne_blank" target="_blank">Hanne Blank wrote</a> at Scarleteen:</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;">Occasionally, women don't have imperforate hymens but do have very
thick or very inflexible hymens. There is a lot more variation in types
of hymens than you might think, and while some of them are so fragile
that doctors can't even examine them without having them literally fall
to pieces, some are so sturdy that they cause problems when women want
to use tampons or have penetrative <dfn title="Different things people choose to do to actively express or enact sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. The word sex also means a way people, animals or plants are classified based on their chromosomes, genitals or reproductive organs.">sex</dfn>.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Most of the time, thick hymens can be gradually stretched by using
fingers or objects that can be inserted into the vagina. Doctors
sometimes prescribe vaginal insertion devices called stents, but some
women bypass that and just use small dildos instead, since both
accomplish the same thing. Over time, the hymenal opening gets stretched
sufficiently that it no longer causes a problem.</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-size: large;">This is actually why we started with the sex toys so early. I wanted enough time to experiment with "stretching my hymen" so that if we still had major problems, I would have enough time to see a doctor in case medical intervention was necessary. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">And it definitely took time. At first, I couldn't insert the second biggest all the way. Getting just part of it in hurt a little, and trying to go further hurt way too much to try. But eventually I was able to insert the biggest size about halfway without pain, which was slightly bigger than we needed. So then I was able to use the Beau-shaped dildo without pain, although it was easier to insert sideways. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">On <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/03/very-important-announcement.html" target="_blank">our actual wedding night</a> (technically, afternoon), we started with the kissing and the touching. We then moved to the toys, slowly, not rushing the process, making sure everything felt good for me. Once I was completely relaxed and comfortable with the toys, we then got ready for IT.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Our big moment.</span><br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;">The moment you've all been waiting for.</span></i><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">COITUS! </span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We started with me on top so I could best control the angle and the speed of entry. We moved bit by bit, pausing every 1-2 inches. On our first "pause," Beau looked up at me and grinned.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"I think we're officially no longer virgins."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I laughed. It was pretty fun!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Once I got all adjusted, we were able to move back and forth. I forget which other positions we tried that first time, but over the course of our honeymoon, I think we tried at least one new position per day. Basically we were sexperts at the end of <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/search/label/honeymoon" target="_blank">our honeymoon</a>. </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-90587935318300025532014-09-10T21:37:00.000-04:002014-09-10T21:37:12.909-04:00Sequel* to How to Lose Your Virginity and Other News<span style="font-size: large;">Out of everything I've accomplished with Finding My Virginity, being a part of the amazing documentary <i>How to Lose Your Virginity</i> is my second-best achievement. (Supporting survivors of sexual assault and giving them a safe space to talk is my best achievement). </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span> <span style="font-size: large;">And so much exciting stuff will be happening in the next few days with it!!!!</span><br />
<br />
<center>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//player.vimeo.com/video/34991900?portrait=0&color=ffffff" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe> <br />
<a href="http://vimeo.com/34991900">"How To Lose Your Virginity" Trailer</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/trixiefilms">Trixie Films</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.</center>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span> <span style="font-size: large;">If you live in New York, you're invited to a special screening of <i>How to Lose Your Virginity</i>, co-sponsored by Hostos Community College, Planned Parenthood of NYC, and YWCA of Brooklyn. </span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>When:</b> Friday, September 12th, 6pm</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Where:</b> Hostos Community College</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">120 E. 149th Street, D-Bldg Savoy</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">2nd Floor, Multi-Purpose Room</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Bronx, NY 10451</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>What:</b> Film Screening and Discussion with Therese Shechter herself!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Who:</b> Anyone is AWESOME</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>RSVP:</b> <a href="http://www.ppaction.org/site/Calendar?id=115321&view=Detail" target="_blank">Here, right here, this website, do it!</a></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">If you don't live in New York, don't get too sad. EVERYONE has a chance to watch the documentary AND an awesome panel discussion <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/02/for-woman-i-used-to-be.html" target="_blank">featuring your favorite (former) virgin</a> on Sunday!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Fusion is airing an encore of "Documental" featuring <i>How to Lose Your Virginity</i> with a panel discussion featuring Therese, Ellen, and me! Find out more information <a href="http://www.virginitymovie.com/fusion/" target="_blank">here</a>.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Rumor has it, both of these screenings will include a trailer for the documentary's sequel,* <i>Belle & Beau Lose Their Virginity</i>. So you definitely don't want to miss that! Check out the movie poster below!</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjUGnsbddm4HRj9OKdpZsluHGL1MYNDAEEpam6M1ZEYtfrfexMAXvfhMdq5V_bIdxHCH40E5zaqq0htmxG1Jn6f2U24f0nfVI8mFXG1FyT9PdXLjHPqyDnTX-TQZMlOjyEczmq0RjLmYk/s1600/movie-trailer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjUGnsbddm4HRj9OKdpZsluHGL1MYNDAEEpam6M1ZEYtfrfexMAXvfhMdq5V_bIdxHCH40E5zaqq0htmxG1Jn6f2U24f0nfVI8mFXG1FyT9PdXLjHPqyDnTX-TQZMlOjyEczmq0RjLmYk/s1600/movie-trailer.jpg" height="640" width="424" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">But if you don't get the Fusion Network, and you don't live in New York, you now have the opportunity to buy a DVD copy of <a href="http://www.virginitymovie.com/get-the-film/" target="_blank"><i>How to Lose Your Virginity</i></a>. Host your own screening party! Eat cherries! Play Virgin Myths trivia, and see <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/search/label/Virgin%20Myths" target="_blank">what myths still need popping</a>. Try out the virginity tests demonstrated in the documentary. So many ideas! Beau and I actually own two DVD copies. That's how much we love Therese and her documentary.</span><br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
*Joke. Obviously a joke.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-69746843110333147502014-09-04T13:38:00.000-04:002014-09-04T13:38:15.695-04:00I Successfully Completed the Summer Book Challenge!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3txuN59nGKo/U09IOnfd4oI/AAAAAAAABQs/sVS0wXku2aQ/s1600/_DSC3997.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3txuN59nGKo/U09IOnfd4oI/AAAAAAAABQs/sVS0wXku2aQ/s1600/_DSC3997.jpg" height="425" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">August was a busy book month for me. Any day now, I will have my first column published, under my own name, reviewing fairy tale books. It was supposed to go up at the end of August, but the website owner suffered a hand injury, and posted that she and her website would be out of commission for awhile. I keep checking back daily to see if my first column has been posted, but alas, not yet. So I read a few fairy tales every month now to keep that going.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">On top of my fairy tales, I had four books to read by midnight on August 31st to finish the Summer Book Challenge. And I did! I finally finished The Screwtape Letters at the last minute on Sunday, not an easy feat when I was exhausted from a full day of family activities in Denver.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span><b>10 points:</b> Read a book that was written before you were born. <i>The Screwtape Letters</i> by C.S. Lewis (209 pages, 4 stars)</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span><b><span><b><b>15 points:</b> </b></span></b><span>Read a book that is on <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/best-sellers-books/overview.html" target="_blank"><i>The New York Times</i>' Best Sellers List</a> when you begin reading it. <i>Allegiant </i>by Veronica Roth... Hey, the trilogy is on the <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/best-sellers-books/series-books/list.html" target="_blank">Children's Series list</a>. Totally counts. (526 pages, 4 stars)</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span><span> </span><b><span><b><br />
<span><b>15 points: </b></span></b></span></b><span><span>Read a book another blogger has already read for the
challenge. <i>Insurgent </i>by Veronica Roth... Lots of bloggers had the same idea as me and read the whole trilogy. (525 pages, 4 stars)</span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span><b><span><b><span><b><span><b>20 points: </b></span></b></span></b></span></b><span><span><span>Read a book that was/will be adapted to film in 2014. <i>Divergent </i>by Veronica Roth (487 pages, 4 stars)</span></span></span><b><span><b> </b></span></b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span>With those four books, I did it! I read all the books on the original challenge, even if my selections veered off-course from <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/05/summer-2014-reading-challenge.html" target="_blank">my proposed reading list</a> at the beginning of the summer.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span>Just a reminder that all book reviews will be posted at <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/07/three-years-i-cant-believe-it.html" target="_blank">my new blog under my own name</a>. Comment or email or DM me on Twitter for the link. </span></span><b><span style="font-size: large;"><span><b> </b></span></span></b></span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="http://megancstroup.blogspot.com/2014/04/semi-charmed-summer-2014-book-challenge.html" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://i1073.photobucket.com/albums/w399/mcszr3/SCSBC14_250x250_zps8f5fcabe.jpg" width="250" /></a> </span></div>
<span style="font-size: medium;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><span><b> </b></span></span> </b></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-21411109338779838932014-08-28T22:05:00.000-04:002014-08-28T22:05:13.459-04:00Virgin Myths: Popping Her Cherry?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxnPYsMABV1IayNp1P1sBNs_5dgfTBj_yd2dHJoKboYCepYqpyY8XT2IaIwDeTcDXDtDcFOqEN3hLTlF80vJs9FVLJ-l8-rgZd6hYc8YF9WlhDxMPPNZ-kiI4WWkoRvEHKMm3DLr7aFmo/s1600/Virgin+Myths+by+Belle+Vierge.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxnPYsMABV1IayNp1P1sBNs_5dgfTBj_yd2dHJoKboYCepYqpyY8XT2IaIwDeTcDXDtDcFOqEN3hLTlF80vJs9FVLJ-l8-rgZd6hYc8YF9WlhDxMPPNZ-kiI4WWkoRvEHKMm3DLr7aFmo/s1600/Virgin+Myths+by+Belle+Vierge.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I am so incredibly glad that I started blogging about virginity more than three years ago. I started writing about virginity because I wanted to share my story as an intentional virgin, to clear up some <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/search/label/Virgin%20Myths" target="_blank">misconceptions about virgins</a>, and to let other virgins know they weren't alone. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But part of my writing process has been a learning process. And if I hadn't spent the last three years reading everything I possibly could about virginity, I might not have discovered one very important fact:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Penetrative sex, or PIV sex, or coitus, is not supposed to hurt.</b> Even the first time a person's vagina experiences penetration (commonly referred to as virginity loss) is not supposed to hurt. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">There is no "cherry popping." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The hymen (vaginal corona) doesn't break.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">If I hadn't spent so much time reading up on virginity and first-time coitus, I would have just accepted the cultural narrative that my wedding day sex would be painful. Instead, I was able to prepare for the first time Beau and I had coitus, to guarantee that our married sex would be awesome (or at least pain-free) the first time. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">If a woman* bleeds or experiences pain during intercourse, one of three issues are at play.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">1) She is not properly aroused</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">2) Her partner is too forceful</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">3) She has <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus" target="_blank">vaginismus</a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://www.vaginismus.com/faqs/vaginismus-questions/what-is-vaginismus" target="_blank">"Vaginismus</a> is vaginal tightness causing discomfort, burning, pain,
penetration problems, or complete inability to have intercourse."</span> </span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I've never had problems using tampons, and I did have that one <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2012/03/virgins-visit-to-planned-parenthood.html" target="_blank">visit at Planned Parenthood</a> several years ago, so I was pretty sure I didn't have vaginismus. Beau and I focused on the other potential causes for pain in order to avoid it. Long story short, we used lots of lube, and I was on top so I could control both the angle and speed of entry.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So coital virgins, listen up! You are not supposed to experience pain during penetration. Your partner is not supposed to experience pain during penetration. Whenever you decide to engage in coitus for the first time, whether it's a one-night stand or your wedding night, be prepared! Take things slowly, enjoy other fun things first like kissing and touching, and use lots of lube. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Are women supposed to bleed the first time they have intercourse?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">NOPE!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">MYTH POPPED! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>I know this post was a little on the technical side. Posts explaining my feelings about wedding day sex, and describing more in detail what toys helped us prepare for it, are coming up.</i> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">*I refer to women here because the cultural narrative is about cisgender women with vaginas. I know that transgender men can have vaginas too. </span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-41736738885182935282014-08-17T22:23:00.001-04:002014-08-17T22:25:22.186-04:00Sunday Shoutouts: Great Feminist Reads<span style="font-size: large;">I thought my double life was hard before, but <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/07/three-years-i-cant-believe-it.html" target="_blank">keeping up two blogs</a> and working on blog promotion is HARD. These are all the accounts that I have double:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Blog</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Twitter</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Tumblr</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Pinterest</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Google+</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Facebook (my personal account and my page for Finding My Virginity)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So, yeah. I spend a lot of time online.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WNI8YRwWxgE/UreAecXZLcI/AAAAAAAABOg/qR-8hi88-S0/s1600/Sunday%2BShoutouts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WNI8YRwWxgE/UreAecXZLcI/AAAAAAAABOg/qR-8hi88-S0/s1600/Sunday%2BShoutouts.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Here's the best of the Internet from this past week!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Oklahoma! and the missing stair by Dani Kelley</b>: I haven't seen the musical <i>Oklahoma!</i> in a really long time, but I'm not surprised that older works of literature are problematic. <a href="http://dani-kelley.com/oklahoma-and-the-missing-stair/" target="_blank">Dani has written a great analysis</a> of the misogyny and male entitlement in <i>Oklahoma!</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Comic about sexual harassment</b>: I love <a href="http://www.robot-hugs.com/harassment/" target="_blank">this comic that breaks down what sexual harassment looks like</a> and why men might not notice it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Great series on Modesty Culture</b>: I've only read one post so far, but I'm very impressed by this detailed series critiquing all the aspects of Modesty Culture. The one post I read addresses <a href="http://fiddlrts.blogspot.com/2014/06/modesty-culture-part-5-faulty.html" target="_blank">the poor definition of lust</a>. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">What did you read last week?</span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-26865725864121534462014-08-12T22:13:00.001-04:002014-08-12T22:13:57.630-04:00I Don't Have Sex with My Husband Every Night (and That's Okay)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-krCHa4q8_pg/U-rIeBhgITI/AAAAAAAABXw/g83FeTUNBns/s1600/sex-every-night.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-krCHa4q8_pg/U-rIeBhgITI/AAAAAAAABXw/g83FeTUNBns/s1600/sex-every-night.jpg" height="426" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/03/very-important-announcement.html" target="_blank">Beau and I have been married</a> a little over four months now. Yes, we are definitely still newlyweds, and since we saved coitus for marriage--and didn't live together until four weeks before our wedding--our marital bed is still very new and exciting for us. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But even with the newness of it all, and no pregnancies messing with my hormones or babies zapping us of energy, we still don't have sex every single night. If I had to guess, I'd say we average 3-4 times a week. While Beau has a higher libido than I do, I initiate about 40% of the time, and I only turn him down if I'm sick, exhausted, or libido-less in the middle of my period. It's safe to say we're both pretty satisfied with our sex life.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">That said, a<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/meg-conley/five-reasons-you-should-h_b_5647291.html" target="_blank"> blog post gone viral on the Huffington Post</a> suggests our sex life is sub-par because we're not going at it every single night. And the writer does so by invoking some tired, sexist stereotypes. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<ol>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><strong>"Being a mother, one of the ultimate expressions of womanhood, can often leave a girl feeling stripped of her femininity."</strong> I'm 27, happily childless at the moment, and I'm very much a woman. Being a mother is NOT the ultimate expression of womanhood. Most people don't say that being a father is one of the ultimate expressions of manhood, so why do we still insist upon the opposite? Furthermore, even on days when I do feel less feminine than I'd like, sex with Beau doesn't suddenly make me "feel like a woman." Sex with my husband is a wonderful and intimate thing that's both carnal and emotional at the same time, but it doesn't really change how feminine I feel. Silly things make me feel feminine, like wearing pearls or putting on lip gloss or giggling with my girlfriends. I don't need to have sex with my husband every night to remember that I'm a woman.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><b>"If you want your husband to act like a man, you need to treat him like a
man... Women need any number of criteria met to feel
loved. Men are far simpler. They need to be fed, they need to be
appreciated, and they need to have sex. That is it. Really."</b> Are you fucking kidding me? For all the whining and moaning that sexist men do about feminists, women like this are treating men like a step above cavemen. Personally, <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/search/label/love" target="_blank">I feel incredibly loved</a> when Beau cooks for me, like when he made us breakfast both Saturday AND Sunday this past weekend, and I hope he feels the same when I cook for him. But I'm not the only one who needs a little more than food, appreciation, and sex. We both need emotional support in our careers, we both need non-sexual physical affection, we both need time with our friends and families, we both need time separate from each other! Having sex with my husband every single night will not make him feel like more of a man. Treating him like a human being with complex emotions and needs, however, does help him feel like a man.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><b>"You need to have a moment in each day that is just about the two of you."</b> I agree with this sentiment. I love that Beau kisses me each morning before he leaves for work. I love IMing throughout the day about nothing and everything. I love watching Star Trek together. I love cuddling before bed. We have many moments that are just about the two of us--special moments don't have to be sex.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><b>"Sex relieves stress."</b> Uh, if you're in the mood to have sex, and thus properly aroused, sure, sex relieves stress. If you really don't feel like having sex, and thus can't relax your muscles enough to enjoy sex, it can be painful and the exact opposite of stress relief. While I certainly enjoy sex with Beau even if it's not a huge priority to me, sex is WAY better for me when I initiate or when we mutually initiate. If I'm really in the mood for sex, penetration can happen sooner, we can try multiple positions, I enjoy a longer duration of sex, and I'm basically guaranteed an awesome orgasm. I've never had sex when I really didn't want to, <i>because my husband treats me like his beloved wife and not a blow-up sex toy</i>, but I have had it when I was ambivalent about it. I still end up enjoying it, but it takes me a lot longer to be sufficiently aroused for penetration, and I'm sometimes too tired for more than two positions. I can't imagine how awful sex would be if I was really uninterested. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><b>"It is so much blasted fun... But tell a girl to have sex every night and she looks at you like you are crazy, An orgasm? Every night?"</b> Again. Going back to #4. I don't have an orgasm every time I have sex. I don't know any woman who has an orgasm every single time she has sex, especially if she's having it when she really isn't in the mood. </span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></li>
</ol>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Tell me fellow married friends. Do you have sex with your spouse every single night? Or have you found a frequency that's a little less often, but more suitable to you two as a couple?</span> </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-5846772797850243242014-08-10T19:48:00.000-04:002014-08-10T19:48:01.154-04:00Sunday Shoutouts: Too Tipsy for a Title<span style="font-size: large;">Beau made me breakfast yesterday. And today. He also made us dinner tonight. I had a big glass of wine. I'm thinking about a second glass of wine. I am tipsy.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4x9kUPXs9L0/UtGosiikA1I/AAAAAAAABOg/tpCZSgKN9sQ/s1600/Sunday+Shoutouts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4x9kUPXs9L0/UtGosiikA1I/AAAAAAAABOg/tpCZSgKN9sQ/s1600/Sunday+Shoutouts.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Choosing to be a father instead of a CEO:</b> <a href="http://maxschireson.com/2014/08/05/1137/" target="_blank">So this dude just stepped down from his CEO position</a> because he wants to spend more time with his kids. And he totally calls out everyone for asking female CEOs or his wife how they "do it all," even though he was never asked that.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>If Men Were Women:</b> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgVvswGSZPo" target="_blank">This video</a> reverses gender roles to point out how totally ridiculous and/or disheartening the reality of women's lives can be.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Breastfeeding and Weaning:</b> I really love what <a href="http://www.jessicalynnwrites.com/2014/08/the-end-of-breastfeeding-for-now.html" target="_blank">Jessica wrote about the weaning process</a> for the most adorable girl on the Internet, aka her daughter Julia. I think it's important that mothers are honest about their parenting experiences, especially with something that can be unnecessarily controversial, like breastfeeding. I love how honest Jess has been first as an expecting mother, then as a SAHM, and now as both!!!</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-79846571153009810672014-08-04T13:42:00.001-04:002014-08-04T13:42:44.684-04:00Summer 2014 Book Challenge: Three Months Down, One Month to Go!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>Post contains Amazon Affiliate links. </i></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3txuN59nGKo/U09IOnfd4oI/AAAAAAAABQs/sVS0wXku2aQ/s1600/_DSC3997.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3txuN59nGKo/U09IOnfd4oI/AAAAAAAABQs/sVS0wXku2aQ/s1600/_DSC3997.jpg" height="426" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I did not do nearly so well with my reading in July as I did in <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/06/summer-2014-book-challenge-one-month.html" target="_blank">May</a> and in <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/07/summer-2014-book-challenge-two-months.html" target="_blank">June</a>.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">This month I need to hustle and read four books if I want to complete the <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/05/summer-2014-reading-challenge.html" target="_blank">Summer 2014 Book Challenge</a>. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span> <span style="font-size: large;">Here is what I did manage to read last month.<br />
</span> <span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<center>
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00BSBR558/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00BSBR558&linkCode=as2&tag=findmyvirg-20&linkId=OVJJXOYGQ4UB7CZL"><img border="0" src="http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B00BSBR558&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=findmyvirg-20" /></a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=findmyvirg-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00BSBR558" height="1" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" /> <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004JN1D3M/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B004JN1D3M&linkCode=as2&tag=findmyvirg-20&linkId=GKMJ6NCDYVDAFYFD"><img border="0" src="http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B004JN1D3M&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=findmyvirg-20" /></a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=findmyvirg-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B004JN1D3M" height="1" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" /></span></center>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b> </b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>25 points: </b>Read a book written by a blogger.</span> <span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00BSBR558/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00BSBR558&linkCode=as2&tag=findmyvirg-20&linkId=OVJJXOYGQ4UB7CZL" target="_blank"><i>Jesus Feminist</i></a> by Sarah Bessey (201 pages, 5 stars)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
<b>25 points:</b> Read a biography, autobiography or memoir.</span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004JN1D3M/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B004JN1D3M&linkCode=as2&tag=findmyvirg-20&linkId=GKMJ6NCDYVDAFYFD" target="_blank"><i>Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?</i></a> by Mindy Kaling (222 pages, 4 stars)</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: large;">This month I will read the entire Divergent trilogy, which should count towards a book read by another blogger for this challenge, a book being made into a movie, and a book on the NYT bestseller list. Then I just have to find a book written before 1987 that I want to read!</span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://megancstroup.blogspot.com/2014/04/semi-charmed-summer-2014-book-challenge.html" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://i1073.photobucket.com/albums/w399/mcszr3/SCSBC14_250x250_zps8f5fcabe.jpg" width="250" /></a> </span></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: large;">I also want to take a moment to thank all of you for your overwhelmingly kind and supportive response to my <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/07/three-years-i-cant-believe-it.html" target="_blank">three-year blogoversary and announced changes</a>. Book reviews will be posted at my new blog, and I also live-tweeted <i>Jesus Feminist</i> because reading it just inspired me so much. Please continue to comment or email me or DM me on Twitter if you'd like my new blog url and personal Twitter handle. </span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-48351929104609946372014-07-30T23:32:00.000-04:002014-07-30T23:32:12.984-04:00Three Years--I Can't Believe It!<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2011/07/inaugural-post.html" target="_blank">Three years ago today</a>, I started writing Confessions of a Virgin, known today as Finding My Virginity.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I didn't have much in mind except to challenge stereotypes about virgins. I figured I could lure readers in with provocative pictures and honest, titillating stories of my past. And then be like BAM, I'm saving sex for marriage, WHAT THEN?!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And while I've certainly managed to show off <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2013/01/my-boobs-have-nothing-to-do-with-you.html" target="_blank">pictures of my cleavage</a> and write a <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/search/label/Virgin%20Myths" target="_blank">series on virginity myths</a>, writing this blog has changed me more than I ever could have predicted. I mean, I started this blog with the intention of changing other people. I had no idea that I needed to change my own ideas of virginity.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Like Therese from <a href="http://www.virginitymovie.com/" target="_blank"><i>How to Lose Your Virginity</i></a> says,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">What if all we had to lose were our virginity myths?</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This blog inadvertently chronicled my entire relationship with Beau, from dating to becoming "official," from saying "I love you" to mutually sharing our first fellatio experience, from being long-distance to getting married.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And as our physical relationship has grown, always completely entwined with our romantic relationship, I learned to challenge my own ideas of virginity.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Can I have a heteronormative definition of virginity, even though I'm bisexual?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Why was saving coitus for marriage the right choice? It definitely <b>was </b>the right choice for us, but why did we call our pre-coital sexual status virginity?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Will I ever be honest about my personal definition of virginity and "waiting til marriage" outside of my anonymous identity?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Can I ever come out to my family and friends from high school/college as bisexual? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I don't know the answers to all these questions, but I'm ready to start exploring them.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm ready to share how Beau and I prepared for a painless wedding day.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm ready to reveal how wedding day sex changed me--and didn't change me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">But I'm also ready to be a better advocate for Christian feminism, under my own name.</span><br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Confession: I've been blogging under my own name for almost a month now.</span></b><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I have a fancy self-hosted WordPress blog, with an SEO plugin to help me focus on keywords, and a ridiculous quantity of good pictures with my watermark, and a social sharing plugin to help me cross-promote, and a consistent photo across all forms of social media.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">If anyone noticed the decrease in blog posts for the month of July--this is the 8th--after six months of 11-14 posts a month, well, now you know why. I've written eight posts under my own name this month, with all the bells and whistles that a blog needs to stand out. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Because while I'm ready to talk to y'all more about sex and virginity, I've also discovered how much I like the "lifestyle" posts. And I've really really not enjoyed keeping my location anonymous. My new blog already has four location-specific blog posts about what Beau and I have done this summer. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So while I plan to write more here about the big stuff, I will also be writing less about the little stuff. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Book reviews will be at my new blog, although I'll finish my <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/07/summer-2014-book-challenge-two-months.html" target="_blank">Summer Challenge updates</a> here. After all, I will debut my first paid column next month, and it's a monthly column reviewing books. I want a blog to back that up.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Feminist posts that are NOT about virginity/sex, consent, and/or rape culture will be at my new blog. Mainly, I will no longer feature posts about Christian feminism here. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This blog will no longer include travel posts, either about trips Beau and I take in the future, or about my past trips to France.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">While I love the expanded writing that I've done, and I love that my devoted readers have accepted non-virginal topics, I want this blog to return to its original subject. More or less, at least. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Over the next six months, I will also slowly remove old posts that are better suited for my new blog. I will then edit/revise them and post them under my real name.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Even though I will be writing here less, and the writing will be more focused, I want to share my life with my blogging friends. I've been so blessed to befriend bloggers across the globe, and I want to take y'all with me! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I want y'all to know my real name, and where I live, and where I'm from. I want y'all to know Beau's real name, and the names of our friends, and what other people in our lives look like. I want to stop hiding so much of my life from people I've grown to love, my friends, even if we haven't met in "real life."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So while I won't post a link to my new blog here, I will give it freely to (most) people who email me or DM on Twitter to ask for it. A few blogging friends already follow my personal Twitter, and I'd like to extend that invitation to more.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I just ask that you continue to keep this half of my life anonymous-ish. If you're talking to me as Belle, don't use my real name or location. If this sounds paranoid... well, you'll understand when you learn my name. I need to keep a clear Google history for now, since my job is in digital marketing.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Thank you for being with me for three years. I hope that my announced changes will not lose me any readers. I appreciate the love and encouragement I've received these past three years, and I hope y'all will continue to support me as the direction of my blog refocuses to its original intent.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-51626892303503655222014-07-27T15:32:00.000-04:002014-07-27T15:32:21.427-04:00Sunday Shoutouts: All Things Nerdy<span style="font-size: large;">My life is always nerdy, but somehow I ended up reading a lot of nerdy stuff this week.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8KGFpL94jtI/UnbjWYXEzpI/AAAAAAAABOg/s5JiI5h1Yag/s1600/Sunday+Shoutouts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8KGFpL94jtI/UnbjWYXEzpI/AAAAAAAABOg/s5JiI5h1Yag/s1600/Sunday+Shoutouts.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Harry Potter:</b> <a href="https://twitter.com/BattyMamzelle" target="_blank">Batty Mamzelle</a> <a href="http://battymamzelle.blogspot.com/2014/07/rereading-harry-potter-10-questions-i.html#.U9VQlmOTLgI" target="_blank">asked some interesting questions</a> she had while rereading the first two Harry Potter books. Is the answer to everything, "Well, it's magic, so there"?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Historical Fashion:</b> I totally reblogged this look at <a href="http://bellevierge.tumblr.com/post/92843727325/medievalpoc-beggars-opera-ive-seen-a-few" target="_blank">overlapping historical time periods and their respective fashions</a>. Mad props to the blogger who added artwork and photos of women of color to the original piece. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Book-Inspired Fashion:</b> <a href="http://bellevierge.tumblr.com/post/92549348355/nicolesbookreviews-book-nerd-jewelry-is-my" target="_blank">I would like all of these, please</a>. But seriously, who doesn't want cute jewelry about books?!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Book Recommendations:</b> <a href="https://twitter.com/ItsMollyFord" target="_blank">Molly</a> at Smart, Pretty, and Awkward has compiled all of her <a href="http://smartprettyandawkward.com/bookrecommendations/" target="_blank">book recommendations</a> into one list!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">What did you read this week?</span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-10648589488139093952014-07-23T17:09:00.000-04:002014-07-23T17:09:35.587-04:005 Things You Should Never Say to a New Bride<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KP_zHPW5T5g/U9Ajas3JWkI/AAAAAAAABXc/1ZvSEjreqj0/s1600/5-things-never-say-bride.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KP_zHPW5T5g/U9Ajas3JWkI/AAAAAAAABXc/1ZvSEjreqj0/s1600/5-things-never-say-bride.jpg" height="424" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Today <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/03/very-important-announcement.html" target="_blank">I've been married</a> for four months and one day, which is pretty exciting! Every day, I feel so blessed to call Beau my husband. I know we're only newlyweds, but we've already weathered a few storms together. <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/03/a-week-of-love-sex-and-marriage.html" target="_blank">Marriage</a> has been amazing, and I look forward to our lifetime together.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">That said, I still receive a few comments that range from annoying to infuriating, and I have a feeling I'm not the only bride who has to endure them. So to all well-meaning family members and nosy busybodies, here are a few things you should NOT tell a new bride.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<h2>
<span style="font-size: large;">Now that you're married, you don't have to work if you don't want to!</span></h2>
<span style="font-size: large;">You're kidding, right? Like, I realize my husband has a great job and could support both of us, but I happily supported myself before we got married. I might not earn much money right now, but leaving the workforce to be a housewife would be hugely detrimental to my future earnings potential. I like working. I like having a job. I realize my career choices are no longer entirely my own, but I wouldn't give up working just because my husband earns a lot of money. And if I DID, that's no one else's business but ours. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<h2>
<span style="font-size: large;">Your husband is so sweet. You'd better be nice to him.</span></h2>
<span style="font-size: large;">Yes, please cast me in the role of the evil, nagging wife who is so mean to her perfect, patient husband. These comments are never said jokingly. I literally have people checking in on me to make sure <i>I'm nice to my husband</i>. Um, he married me, so my personality must be okay. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<h2>
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm going to call you by your husband's last name because I'm old-fashioned and don't care about your specifically expressed preferences. </span></h2>
<span style="font-size: large;">Some thank-you notes have been signed with my full name. All return address labels have both mine and Beau's first and last names. </span><br />
<br />
<h2>
<span style="font-size: large;">Have you fixed all of your husband's bad habits yet? </span></h2>
<span style="font-size: large;">Stop acting like my husband is a child, unless we're talking about how he and I are adorable and child-like. I am allowed to complain about his tendency to leave laundry everywhere, which is basically the only bad habit I've complained about since we moved in together. No one else gets to judge his life choices AND THEN expect me to fix them to meet your stupid expectations. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<h2>
<span style="font-size: large;">When are you having children?</span></h2>
<span style="font-size: large;">WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR FOUR MONTHS. And the vast majority of people know that we saved coitus for marriage, AND we didn't move in together until four weeks before the wedding. Like, can we please be newlyweds for a little bit before you hound us about children? Not to mention this is SUPER-HURTFUL if a couple is dealing with infertility. It's 2014, and people still think it's okay to essentially ask if we're having unprotected sex. Think about it. If you ask me when we're having kids, you're asking me when I want to have unprotected sex with my husband. None of your damn business. </span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Fellow brides (and grooms!), what have people said to you that irritated or infuriated you? Let me know in the comments! </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Linking up with <a href="http://www.lovealwaysnancyj.com/search/label/the%20petty%20wedding" target="_blank">Nancy J</a>, <a href="http://ncbelleinboots.blogspot.com/2014/04/diy-wedding-programs.html" target="_blank">Meredith</a>, and <a href="http://www.littlebitofclasslittlebitofsass.com/search?q=wedding+wednesday&max-results=20&by-date=true" target="_blank">Mary</a> for Wedding Wednesday! </span> </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-12880724266577018482014-07-20T21:42:00.000-04:002014-07-20T21:42:13.686-04:00Sunday Shoutouts: Yes, I Know I'm Beautiful<span style="font-size: large;">Married life is keeping me busy! Almost too busy to blog, but I also spent a fair amount of time working on some paid writing this past week. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8KGFpL94jtI/UnbjWYXEzpI/AAAAAAAABOg/s5JiI5h1Yag/s1600/Sunday+Shoutouts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8KGFpL94jtI/UnbjWYXEzpI/AAAAAAAABOg/s5JiI5h1Yag/s1600/Sunday+Shoutouts.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Biggest Conversation-Starter:</b> I read this great article last week called "<a href="http://thehairpin.com/2014/07/what-happened-when-we-gave-our-daughter-my-last-name" target="_blank">What Happened When We Gave Our Daughter My Last Name</a>." I shared it to my personal Facebook page, which sparked a great conversation. The biggest takeaway is that naming children should be a discussion, not an assumption. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Best Criticism of Musical Tropes:</b> I've been saying for YEARS that <a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/ariannarebolini/stop-singing-songs-about-women-who-dont-know-theyre-beautifu" target="_blank">I'm sick and tired of pop romance songs saying that girls are beautiful, but don't know it</a>. And their not knowing it makes them more beautiful. I'm not arrogant. I don't think I'm some supermodel. But I know that I'm pretty. How does that somehow make me less pretty?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Best on Gaslighting:</b> <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/07/09/men-really-need-to-stop-calling-women-crazy/" target="_blank">Stop calling women crazy</a>. Seriously. Just because you disagree with us, or dislike what we have to say, does NOT mean we're crazy. </span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">What did you read last week?</span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-33924998156032886862014-07-14T19:13:00.000-04:002014-07-14T19:13:31.791-04:00Monday Mentions: Oops, I was Busy This Weekend<span style="font-size: large;">I feel pulled in a million different directions, and posting regularly is not at the top of my priorities. I love my blog, and I love my readers, but I'm also trying to figure out marriage, and make new friends, and keep up with my old friends, and enjoy the summer, and read books, and talk to my mom regularly, and organize meals for her, my dad, and younger brother long-distance (why my brother isn't doing this I DON'T KNOW).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">That said, I did read stuff on the Internet last week. So I might be <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/07/sunday-shoutouts-is-back-for-now.html" target="_blank">late with Sunday Shoutouts</a>, but at least I can do some Monday Mentions. Here's the best of what I've read since last week!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jdthBie8PCI/UvmCcLh1d1I/AAAAAAAABOg/jkODsh1xh40/s1600/Monday+Mentions.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jdthBie8PCI/UvmCcLh1d1I/AAAAAAAABOg/jkODsh1xh40/s1600/Monday+Mentions.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Happy Bastille Day:</b> For grammar nerds, knowing when to use "tu" and when to use "vous" is a nightmare. <a href="http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-og-bastile-vous-tu-20140711-htmlstory.html" target="_blank">This handy chart </a>explains the tricky nuances!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Most Uncomfortable Juxtaposition:</b> As <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/09/disney-princess-domestic-abuse-saint-hoax_n_5567711.html" target="_blank">an awareness campaign for intimate partner violence</a>, an artist rendered Disney princesses as women physically abused by their significant others. If the wording of any of that is weird to you, that's because I don't like the phrases "domestic violence" and "battered women." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Best Historical Figure:</b> So I've started following a tumblr on "Rejected Disney Princesses." I love <a href="http://bellevierge.tumblr.com/post/91269480064/rejectedprincesses-elisabeth-bathory-the-blood" target="_blank">this post which details all the evil things one countess did</a>... And then provides the argument that it was all a smear campaign. I love history!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">To keep up with everything I read online, follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/SaBelleFemme" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, LIKE me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/FindingMyVirginite" target="_blank">Facebook</a>, and follow me on <a href="http://bellevierge.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">Tumblr</a>. </span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-35804906666014211202014-07-09T03:00:00.000-04:002014-07-09T03:00:09.926-04:00Wedding Wednesday: Liebster Award<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uI53FfhI8_U/U2ExosJsY9I/AAAAAAAABSo/Pu0r4rJv1Ds/s1600/Wedding-Wednesday-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uI53FfhI8_U/U2ExosJsY9I/AAAAAAAABSo/Pu0r4rJv1Ds/s1600/Wedding-Wednesday-1.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;">Writing a weekly <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/search/label/wedding" target="_blank">Wedding Wednesday</a> post has proven to be very difficult, so I set a goal of blogging about wedding stuff every other week. Except sometimes that is not easy either.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;">BUT I was recently nominated by Emily at <a href="http://southernexpectationsx.blogspot.com/2014/06/liebster-award.html" target="_blank">Southern Expectations</a> for a Liebster Award. Being the clever cat that I am, I'm killing two birds with one stone. </span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OIDSBXYNLAg/U7yui_cDlPI/AAAAAAAABXI/q8T9dkQIVzU/s1600/liebster.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OIDSBXYNLAg/U7yui_cDlPI/AAAAAAAABXI/q8T9dkQIVzU/s1600/liebster.png" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">RULES</b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">1. Each person must post 11 things about themselves.</span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">2. Answer the questions that the nominator has set for you, plus create 11 questions for the people you've nominated to answer.</span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">3. Choose 11 people (with 200 followers of less) and link them in your post.</span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">4. Go to their page and tell them.</span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">5. No tag backs!</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;"><b>11 Facts About My Wedding</b></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">We chose our wedding date based on my younger brother's college spring break.</span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">Beau and I appeared in a local TV news segment two nights before our wedding, discussing why the church and its food pantry should be saved from new zoning laws.</span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">I was sick on our wedding night.</span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">Luckily our wedding was in the morning, so we had married sex in the afternoon before I got sick.</span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">I intentionally chose a morning wedding because I wanted both a champagne brunch afterwards and more time for married sex.</span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">Our "first look" was pretty anti-climatic because Beau is not a crier. <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-E_xDEHqW8Ro/U5kVlliDLfI/AAAAAAAABTo/PjwgF7tY6cI/s1600/DSC_6373.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-E_xDEHqW8Ro/U5kVlliDLfI/AAAAAAAABTo/PjwgF7tY6cI/s1600/DSC_6373.JPG" height="400" width="263" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This was faked, remember?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">My younger brother got ordained on the Internet and co-led the service with the church's actual minister. </span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">My twin brother proposed to his fiancée before Beau and I got engaged, but their wedding isn't until October. </span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">I didn't have a bridal party because I didn't want to choose a Maid of Honor. Or bridesmaids. </span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">Not having a bridal party led to my idea of only having parents and siblings at the wedding itself. </span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">Having coitus for the first time did not hurt. It actually felt pretty awesome. </span></span></span></li>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;">11 Answers to 11 Questions</span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 1px; line-height: 21px;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;">1. <i>What is your favorite part of blogging?</i> Meeting new people and exchanging ideas!</span></span></div>
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2. <i>If you could move to any country in the world, where would it be?</i> France, bien sûr!</span></span></div>
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3. <i>Favorite 'adult' beverage?</i> Sparkling wine.</span></span></div>
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4. <i>Favorite hobby?</i> Writing.</span></span></div>
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5. <i>If you could have a super power, what would it be and why?</i> Telekinesis because I could save people from getting crushed by heavy stuff and because I wouldn't have to get out of bed to get food or drink.</span></span></div>
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6. <i>What does your last text message say? Who was it from?</i> My husband texted me about his sweet hotel suite.</span></span></div>
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7. <i>What is your idea of a perfect date night?</i> Date Night In: pizza and/or boneless wings, beer, Star Trek, sex, cuddles, sleep. Date Night Out: Zoo trip followed by hibachi for dinner.</span></span></div>
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8. <i>Favorite food/foods?</i> Candy. Cereal. Chips. Bacon. Pizza. Boneless wings. </span></span></div>
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9. <i>You have just one 1 million dollars, you have 24 hours to spend it, what do you do with the money?</i> Book a private jet for me, my family, and my friends to Paris! Shopping spree for everyone, freely flowing champagne (<b>real </b>champagne), and gourmet meals.</span></span></div>
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10. <i>Best 4th of July Memory?</i> Spending the 4th with my best friend Rose, her grandparents, and her great-aunts. Rose made us all dinner, and then we went to the neighborhood fireworks show. Afterward, Rose and I watched Beauty and the Beast while I drank white wine from a light-up wine glass, and she drank scotch. </span></span></div>
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11. <i>Coffee or Tea?</i> Tea!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;">Thanks for the nomination, Emily! This is my third nomination for the Liebster Award (see previous awards <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2013/06/they-love-me-they-really-love-me.html" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2012/08/and-liebster-blog-award-goes-to-belle.html" target="_blank">HERE</a>), so I'm following <a href="http://astoldbydana.com/2014/06/12/liebster-award-part-3/" target="_blank">my friend Dana's lead</a> and not tagging anyone else. </span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-6808496645443186212014-07-06T03:00:00.000-04:002014-07-06T03:00:03.571-04:00Sunday Shoutouts is Back... for Now<span style="font-size: large;">This is <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/05/sunday-shoutouts-happy-mommy-bloggers.html" target="_blank">my first Sunday Shoutouts post</a> since my mom was diagnosed with cancer. While I've still somehow managed to keep my blog going amidst all the craziness, I have spent considerably less time reading the writing of others online. But I've slowly gotten back into my routines, which include reading the best of the Internet. </span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4x9kUPXs9L0/UtGosiikA1I/AAAAAAAABOg/tpCZSgKN9sQ/s1600/Sunday+Shoutouts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4x9kUPXs9L0/UtGosiikA1I/AAAAAAAABOg/tpCZSgKN9sQ/s1600/Sunday+Shoutouts.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Shit People Say to Adult Virgins:</b> Whenever I link to a post in GroupThink, I feel obliged to point out that it is a forum of Jezebel, the Gawker Media site. The writers there are not professional. We are not paid. Sometimes we just happen to write stuff that is really good, so an actual paid writer for Jezebel chooses to share it. I say this only because some of the criticisms lobbed at posts on GroupThink are based on the inaccurate idea that GroupThink writers are paid by Gawker Media.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">With that long caveat, <a href="http://groupthink.jezebel.com/shit-people-say-to-adult-virgins-1596805782" target="_blank">I loved this post</a>! I definitely heard my fair share of these comments before I started dating Beau, and I was only 24 when we started dating. I imagine the irritating and presumptuous comments only get worse as a person ages and still maintains a virginal status.</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MEJ1Lk9gLGI/U7inyx7402I/AAAAAAAABW4/xf2M4JJ9ayE/s1600/carol-rossetti-bisexual.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MEJ1Lk9gLGI/U7inyx7402I/AAAAAAAABW4/xf2M4JJ9ayE/s1600/carol-rossetti-bisexual.jpg" height="400" width="290" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image credit Carol Rossetti</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>18 Empowering Illustrations:</b> I had actually seen two or three of these before, but seeing <a href="http://mic.com/articles/92651/18-empowering-illustrations-to-remind-everyone-who-s-really-in-charge-of-women-s-bodies" target="_blank">so many of these drawings together</a> is truly inspiring. Graphic designer Carol Rossetti created these amazing illustrations of different kinds of women and the empowered choices they make.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Make Me an Internet Meme:</b> For the month of July, <a href="http://watch.virginitymovie.com/" target="_blank">you can stream the amazing documentary <i>How to Lose Your Virginity</i> for only $4.99</a>! Part of the promotion includes some cool gifs from the film's highlights, including some <a href="http://bellevierge.tumblr.com/post/90686005267/virgin-watch-the-documentary-how-to-lose-your" target="_blank">truly hilarious statements by Beau</a>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">What have you read this week?</span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-20740823409849627082014-07-01T20:25:00.000-04:002014-07-27T13:13:56.263-04:00Summer 2014 Book Challenge: Two Months Down!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3txuN59nGKo/U09IOnfd4oI/AAAAAAAABQs/sVS0wXku2aQ/s1600/_DSC3997.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3txuN59nGKo/U09IOnfd4oI/AAAAAAAABQs/sVS0wXku2aQ/s1600/_DSC3997.jpg" height="425" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's a little surreal how fast summer is going by. But I guess when you spend most of May freaking out because <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/06/thanks-for-all-prayers-love-and-support.html" target="_blank">your mom has cancer</a>, and you spend all of June celebrating your <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/search/label/birthday" target="_blank">birthday</a> except for that time you ended up in the ER... time flies?</span><br />
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</span> <span style="font-size: large;">But at least I've read several good books, and I feel very confident that I will finish the challenge in time, if not early! I read three books in the month of June, including the book I just finished today. This time, I deviated slightly from <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/05/summer-2014-reading-challenge.html" target="_blank">my original proposed reading list</a> that I shared at the beginning of the challenge. </span><br />
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</span> <span style="font-size: large;"><b>10 points:</b> Finish reading a book you couldn't finish the first time around. <i>Maphead </i>by Ken Jennings (276 pages, 4 stars)</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>15 points:</b> Read a historical fiction book that does not take place in Europe. <i>Lucky Us</i> by Amy Bloom (256 pages, 4 stars, <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/06/book-club-friday-review-and-giveaway-of.html" target="_blank">review here</a>)</span><br />
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</span> <span style="font-size: large;"><b>30 points:</b> Read a pair of books with antonyms in the titles. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19.32px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>American Savage: Insights, Slights, and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics </i>by Dan Savage (312 pages, 4 stars, <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/06/book-club-friday-american-savage.html" target="_blank">review here</a>) Note: the points are for two books and include <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/06/book-club-friday-is-for-abstinence.html" target="_blank"><i>A is for Abstinence</i></a> by Kelly Oram, which I read in May.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19.32px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Previous points: 35</span></span></span></span></span></b><br />
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<a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/06/summer-2014-book-challenge-one-month.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19.32px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">Read my first month's summary of the Summer 2014 Book Challenge.</span></span></span></span></a><b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19.32px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/06/summer-2014-book-challenge-one-month.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></a></span></span></span></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19.32px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Total points: 90 </span></b></span></span></span></span><br />
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</b></span> <span style="font-size: large;">Also, a big FELICITATIONS to the winner of <i>Lucky Us</i> by Amy Bloom. Michelle, you are the LUCKY winner. Check your inbox for an email from me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">What have you read lately?</span><b><br />
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Linking up with <a href="http://creativehomekeeper.com/tag/book-notes/" target="_blank">Book Notes!</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-40222472608265245442014-06-27T03:00:00.000-04:002014-06-27T03:00:02.792-04:00Book Club Friday: Review and Giveaway of Lucky Us by Amy Bloom<span style="font-size: large;">So far I'm on track with my Summer Book Challenge. Every book I've read this summer has contributed to the challenge categories. Since <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/06/summer-2014-book-challenge-one-month.html" target="_blank">my recap at the beginning of the month</a>, I've read <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/06/book-club-friday-american-savage.html" target="_blank"><i>American Savage: Insights, Slights, and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics</i></a>, with "sex" being my chosen antonym to "abstinence" (<a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/06/book-club-friday-is-for-abstinence.html" target="_blank"><i>A is for Abstinence</i></a> by Kelly Oram!). </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My latest read is <i>Lucky Us</i> by Amy Bloom, in bookstores on July 29th. I was <b>lucky </b>enough to receive an ARC of the novel in exchange for my honest review.*</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ccN6DJaD2nY/U6doc-AGRPI/AAAAAAAABUw/Peg-1UBx8R0/s1600/Lucky-Us-new.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ccN6DJaD2nY/U6doc-AGRPI/AAAAAAAABUw/Peg-1UBx8R0/s1600/Lucky-Us-new.png" height="400" width="282" /></a> </div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://amybloom.com/" target="_blank">Official book summary</a>: <b><i>“My father’s wife died. My mother said we should drive down to his place and see what might be in it for us.”</i></b></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">So begins the story of teenage half sisters Eva and Iris in this
brilliantly written, deeply moving, and fantastically funny novel by the
beloved and critically acclaimed author of <i>Away</i>. Disappointed
by their families, Iris, the hopeful star, and Eva, the sidekick,
journey across 1940s America in search of fame and fortune. Iris’s
ambitions take the sisters from small-town Ohio to an unexpected and
sensuous Hollywood, across the America of Reinvention in a stolen
station wagon, to the jazz clubs and golden mansions of Long Island.
With their friends in high and low places, Iris and Eva stumble and
shine through a landscape of big dreams, scandals, betrayals, and war.
Filled with memorable characters and unexpected turns, <i>Lucky Us</i>
is a thrilling and resonant novel about success and failure, good luck
and bad, and the pleasures and inevitable perils of family life. From
Brooklyn’s beauty parlors to London’s West End, these unforgettable
people love, lie, cheat, and survive in this story of our fragile,
absurd, heroic species.</span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Based on the description, I was expecting another kind of book. I thought more of the focus would be on Iris's quest for stardom. Even so, I LOVED this book. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The characters are deeply flawed, but in a very human way. The father is selfish and aimless. Iris is ruthless in pursuit of both stardom and love. Eva is a colorless character, lacking her own personality and dreams.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But <i>Lucky Us</i> is, in many ways, a coming-of-age novel not just for Eva, but for Iris and even their father as well. Each character (eventually) grows and matures in their own way. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">While other reviews have not liked the use of letters to introduce new chapters, I disagree. I think that's a personal stylistic preference, but I like the mixing of letters and prose. If you tend to skim chapter titles, though, just realize that some of the letters are marked as never sent. So while we get to read the character's thoughts in the letter, the recipient never had the chance to read it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So far, I have avoided spoilers in my review, but I want to include a few small spoilers to explain my favorite parts of the novel. You have been warned.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">ENTERING THE SPOILER ZONE</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Iris is a lesbian. Despite the book's setting against the backdrop of WWII, Iris's same-sex attraction and relationships with women are completely accepted by the few people allowed to know. Of course, it is a scandal when a photographer catches Iris having sex on the beach with a big Hollywood star who then betrays Iris and has the rising starlet blacklisted from the town. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I won't say the most despicable or even the second-most despicable thing that Iris later does for love, but they are pretty horrible and eventually cause a long-lasting rift with Eva. </span><span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">LEAVING THE SPOILER ZONE</span></div>
<br /><span style="font-size: large;">Due to the generosity of Random House, one <b>lucky </b>reader will win a copy of <i>Lucky Us</i>! Sadly, this is only open to US readers. Alas. Enter using the Rafflecopter below!</span><br />
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<a class="rafl" href="http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/e769c10/" id="rc-e769c10" rel="nofollow">a Rafflecopter giveaway</a></center>
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<script src="//widget.rafflecopter.com/load.js"></script></center>
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*I received both a book and a gift card in exchange for my honest review. <br />
<script src="//widget.rafflecopter.com/load.js"></script></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4487897975553552090.post-91679674497384038842014-06-25T03:00:00.000-04:002014-06-25T03:00:12.177-04:00Wedding Wednesday: The Demi-Vièrge Wore White<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkIlOVTE0eluWqBNwAD0JUg_1eOpOp6yfgo_cycbz4OdhQ_gTr56sZuhk6DmOpt8iDPeeG1IxzvsVIcBVpNB53C5Hgx-u5OIcWXqbJ7MIIzyUjWI-12WGNogWCOmCyM2RkU_6wrp87sFg/s1600/virgin-white-wedding-dress.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Why I wore a short white satin dress on my wedding day" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkIlOVTE0eluWqBNwAD0JUg_1eOpOp6yfgo_cycbz4OdhQ_gTr56sZuhk6DmOpt8iDPeeG1IxzvsVIcBVpNB53C5Hgx-u5OIcWXqbJ7MIIzyUjWI-12WGNogWCOmCyM2RkU_6wrp87sFg/s1600/virgin-white-wedding-dress.jpg" height="640" title="The Demi-Vièrge Wore White" width="424" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Contrary to popular belief, brides wearing white on their wedding day has <a href="http://www.stuffmomnevertoldyou.com/blog/why-do-brides-wear-white/" target="_blank">nothing to do with virginity</a>. Of course, Americans tend to rewrite history all the time, so I'm not that surprised that the average person assumes the white wedding dress has something to do with "sexual purity." In reality, Queen Victoria started a new fashion trend among the elite when she opted to wear an off-white wedding dress in 1840. Or at least, she eventually popularized a trend that was already rising among the very wealthy.</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xG9pbT8Bmag/U6lvlC-TEGI/AAAAAAAABVs/FotDZ1eYWD0/s1600/Queen-Victoria-1847.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Queen Victoria in her famous white wedding dress" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xG9pbT8Bmag/U6lvlC-TEGI/AAAAAAAABVs/FotDZ1eYWD0/s1600/Queen-Victoria-1847.jpg" height="400" title="1847 Portrait of Queen Victoria" width="323" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wedding_dress_of_Queen_Victoria" target="_blank">via</a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;">From <a href="http://thedreamstress.com/2011/04/queen-victorias-wedding-dress-the-one-that-started-it-all/" target="_blank">this really awesome article</a>, "Queen Victoria's Wedding Dress: The One That Started It All." </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Long before Victoria, white was a popular choice for wedding dresses, at least among the wealthy nobility... Weddings were usually more about political alliances and transfers of
wealth than they were about romance, and so the wedding dress was just
another excuse to show the wealth and culture of the brides family... Before the invention of effective bleaching techniques, white was a
valued colour: it was both difficult to achieve, and hard to maintain.
Wealthy brides, then, often wore white to demonstrate their money, not
their purity.</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;">In order to stimulate and support the lace industry [struggling due to industrialization], Victoria chose for
her wedding dress a large piece of handmade Honiton lace... The rest of the dress then became a
vehicle to showcase the lace, and white was chosen as the most suitable
colour to do this. In the case of Victoria’s dress, white symbolised
practicality and patriotism, rather than purity. </span></blockquote>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>So if a white dress didn't actually represent my virginal status, why did everyone's favorite demi-vièrge choose to wear one?</b> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I didn't always intend to wear a white wedding dress. When I was a kid, I told my parents I wanted to get married in a rainbow-colored wedding dress. In high school, when I wore a big pink poofy princess dress in the <a href="http://www.ajm.org/" target="_blank">Junior Miss pageant</a>, I told the other girls that I wanted to get married in it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But after my debutante ball, I assumed I would just wear my debutante dress again. Spending a lot of money on two formal white dresses to wear one time only just didn't make sense to me, and I LOVED my debutante dress. So why wouldn't I wear it to get married? </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CTwXATTFNfk/U6oUjyyJgkI/AAAAAAAABV8/TXNCl8GADsU/s1600/star+7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="I wore a floor-length, formal wedding dress to my debutante ball" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CTwXATTFNfk/U6oUjyyJgkI/AAAAAAAABV8/TXNCl8GADsU/s1600/star+7.jpg" height="315" title="Formal Debutante Portraits" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of my formal debutante portraits</td></tr>
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<a name='more'></a><span style="font-size: large;">Except while I was dating Beau, I lost both weight and the desire for a big formal wedding. Even if I wanted to spend the hundreds of dollars to alter my debutante dress, the formality of the dress no longer matched my wedding vision. I still wanted to wear white, though. As much as I tried to avoid the siren voice of the Wedding Industry during my wedding planning, I still absorbed the idea that brides wear white. I still wanted a special dress that would help me look like a bride, even while I wanted to look like me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/06/wedding-wednesday-i-want-to-look.html" target="_blank">Huh, that sounds a lot like my bridal beauty instructions</a>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Last spring, when I was still working at JCP, I bought a green and blue dress that is probably familiar to regular blog readers. After wearing it several times, I suddenly realized how similar it was to other dresses in my closet. When wearing my dress at JCP, I mentioned this to my co-worker, and she pointed out the style is called "fit and flare." Basically, I like dresses with a fitted bodice, a defined waist, and a loose skirt that flares.</span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rt0anVFNFXQ/U6og1U9pt8I/AAAAAAAABWM/nEEtVSxwNpk/s1600/favorite-dresses.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rt0anVFNFXQ/U6og1U9pt8I/AAAAAAAABWM/nEEtVSxwNpk/s1600/favorite-dresses.jpg" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I spent some time looking at short white dresses online when I suddenly had an epiphany. Years ago, during the second season of <i>Glee</i>, I had bookmarked one of the most beautiful black dresses I had ever seen, a dress featured in <i>Glee</i>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Does this look familiar?</span> </span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lCjXwfiQJjQ/U6oiMNfp9rI/AAAAAAAABWY/TYPIn0UuRZs/s1600/glee-regionals-dress.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lCjXwfiQJjQ/U6oiMNfp9rI/AAAAAAAABWY/TYPIn0UuRZs/s1600/glee-regionals-dress.jpg" height="512" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://fashionofglee.com/post/17260577228/glee-regionals-dress" target="_blank">via</a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1XuHYlWZwj8/U6oramcx18I/AAAAAAAABWo/7UG81eTv8cI/s1600/unique-vintage-white-wedding-dress.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1XuHYlWZwj8/U6oramcx18I/AAAAAAAABWo/7UG81eTv8cI/s1600/unique-vintage-white-wedding-dress.jpg" height="640" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">As soon as I realized <a href="http://prom.unique-vintage.com/unique-vintage-ivory-satin-happily-ever-after-pleated-swing-dress.html" target="_blank">the dress came in white</a>, I knew I wanted it for my wedding dress. I also picked out my <a href="http://www.unique-vintage.com/1950s-style-raspberry-tulle-tea-length-petticoat-crinoline-sku-37950.html" target="_blank">pink tulle petticoat</a> from Unique Vintage. They don't have petite sizes, so my mom hemmed the dress and petticoat for me, she took up the straps, and she added pink lace to the bodice. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Do I regret not having the whole shopping experience with my mom and girlfriends? Sometimes. I think it would have been fun to look at wedding dresses with my mom and Rose or Lauren, aka my best friends in my home state and current state, respectively. But logistically, it would not have been possible. I found my dream dress online, and my dress + petticoat still cost less than alterations of my debutante dress. I had plenty of girlie bestie time with <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/2014/04/wedding-wednesday-loved-ones-far-and.html" target="_blank">my closest friends at both of my receptions</a>, occasions far more important than dress shopping. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So while I was a virgin on my wedding day, and I did wear a white dress, the former choice did not influence the latter. And while I might not have worn the rainbow-colored or pink dress of my childhood dreams, I do think my choice of hot pink accessories was an appropriate personalized bit of flair to the traditional white dress. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span><span>Linking up with <a href="http://ncbelleinboots.blogspot.com/p/its-herewedding-wednesday.html" target="_blank">Meredith</a>, <a href="http://www.lovealwaysnancyj.com/search/label/the%20petty%20wedding" target="_blank">Nancy J</a>, and <a href="http://www.littlebitofclasslittlebitofsass.com/search?q=wedding+wednesday&max-results=20&by-date=true" target="_blank">Mary</a> for Wedding Wednesday!</span></span> </span></span> </span> Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09711743439868985297noreply@blogger.com11