I look hot tonight.
I’m wearing my new Rock Revival jeans, a nice little bonus I received from my boss this week. Topped with a simple black button-down (with gathered elastic over the bust!) and accessorized with red wedges & a red necklace. Plus I’m actually wearing a touch of make-up: my roommate and our friend Sue* worked magic on my eyes, which I complimented with a hint of lip gloss.
The purpose of looking hot?
Feeling old enough to go to a sex shop.
Legally, I’ve been old enough for… awhile, to say the least. But I didn’t fully embrace myself as a sexual being until I finished undergrad (and moved to France), and I didn’t embrace my attraction to women until about a year ago (after two years of kissing women in France). So the idea of going to a sex shop has honestly only crossed my mind once or twice before tonight.
Seriously, the thought of it used to make me blush and stammer and try to joke like I wasn’t shocked, but my friends always saw through me.
Tonight, though, tonight, I became a woman.
Tonight, I lost my (sex shop) virginity.
SteampunkTink and Sue had plans to go after work today. I had nothing going on, so my roommate invited me to join them. They were almost as excited for my first time as I was!
Confession: My sex shop virginity mirrored my real life virginity. As in, I had technically never been in a sex shop before tonight, but I had browsed a Good Vibrations catalog, researched different options at amazon, and, uh, enjoyed a toy or two or three.
Going to Hustler Hollywood tonight was like every other sexual “first time” I’ve had. I was excited, and curious, but still a little nervous.
I mean, what if some creepy guy hit on us? What if there was a back room for viewing porn? What if the store was trashy?
Luckily, my nerves were for naught. The three of us seriously had SO much fun tonight.
(Not THAT kind of fun. Pervs.)
The first thing I noticed when we walked in was the wall of sexy bustiers, bras, and panties. I would LOVE a nice bustier, but I’m pretty certain with my figure, I will need to custom-order it. Gargh.
I also checked out the sexy Halloween costumes—pretty sure the beau and I are going as Commander Riker and Deanna Troi from Star Trek: The Next Generation—but it never hurts just to look! I wouldn’t mind dressing up as a naughty schoolgirl at some point… And by “naughty schoolgirl,” I clearly mean a sexy Hermione. Duh.
Sue tried on a sexy football “uniform.” Um. Clearly these things are designed for smaller ladies. The large barely covered half her bust. SteampunkTink and I couldn’t help laughing. She just looked so sad, and the fit was just so comically bad.
The next amusing part of our trip was being IDed for the “adult” section aka where all the toys are displayed. After the salesman checked our IDs, I asked how old you had to be to go back there.
The three of us have all been out of undergrad for awhile now. We all passed that 18th birthday many many ages ago.
Apparently even my hot outfit isn’t enough to compensate for my petite frame. Drats.
Hustler had an awesome selection of toys, including the butterfly vibrator I picked out recently (and the boyfriend purchased for me). The saleswoman was really helpful, really honest, really nice, and really funny. She was just all sorts of awesome. Basically, all three of us would like to one day own a few of the high end toys (like, $200 toys).
She explained all their cool features and all the research behind the design. I couldn’t help myself from exclaiming:
“It’s like the perfect combination of my nerdy side and my sexy side!”
You would think discussing the features of toys that stimulate both the clitoris and the G-spot would be awkward… But even when the man was helping us at one point, it was just very matter-of-fact. No big deal.
I loved it.
Which is why I’ve applied to work there part-time.
I mean, why not? I have the time, I could use the extra cash, and this is writing gold. You can’t make up this kind of stuff.
Besides, I believe there is a huge untapped market of sexually frustrated virgins. I could help these people! Sex toys are basically the most pleasurable alternative to sex. What better way to hold on to your V-card than some really satisfying solo time?
So. Fingers crossed!
I’m just glad teenage!Belle can’t see sexy!virgin!Belle.
She would be praying for my (our?) soul.
*Fake name. Duh. Also, I lied when I said I didn't know SteampunkTink. She wanted to be uber-anonymous at first. Now she's okay with being identified as my roommate.