G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S in Miami

A week ago, I was in Miami, spending two nights in a glamorous hotel, riding in the backseat of a Lincoln Town car, allowing valets and drivers to open all doors for me, enjoying the handiwork of the three stylists who did my hair and make-up, taking selfies with my bestie and sorority sister of eight years who doubled as my entourage.

Fancy hotel pool! Unfortunately, we got kicked out. It's not officially open yet, alas.

I'm pretty sure I hashtagged everything on twitter and instagram as #fancy, because seriously, it was the only word to describe my surroundings.

The fancy tissue flower in the fancy bathroom in the fancy hotel.

The Fusion Network, a new TV channel that launched in October 2013, was my host for the trip. They wanted me to come on their shows Alicia Menendez Tonight and Documental to talk about the documentary How to Lose Your Virginity, which includes an interview with Beau and me.

Getting my hair straightened before filming Alicia Menendez Tonight.

I was in Miami less than 48 hours. While I enjoyed the royal treatment, it was an exhausting trip. I only slept five hours both Thursday and Friday night, so I was pretty happy to sleep on the plane home Saturday morning. 

As beautiful as I looked with professional hair and make-up, I remembered Friday night that the glam life is not for me. It's fun for a day or two, but at the end of the day, that's not who I am.

Fancy hair and makeup!

Two towelettes to remove all the make-up Friday night.

I'm a curly-haired, bare-faced, hoodie and jeans kind of woman.

And that's okay.

Beau likes to take surprise pictures of me at the zoo.

No One Searched for Boobs Last Week?

Y'all, I just love looking at the keywords that people search to find my blog. I haven't done a recap since September. This is my latest week!

From Jan 21, 2014 10:00 PM – Jan 28, 2014 9:00 PM

 

I'm glad that people know my blog's name and search for it actively! Of course, you can always follow me on bloglovin to keep up with my latest posts. No need for google!

I'm a little concerned that so many people have been violated by having their underwear stolen. It sounds like a harmless prank, but when a man in my apartment building went through my laundry in two washing machines last summer and stole all my sexy panties, I felt completely violated. I didn't do ANY laundry in my building for months, and I still only do innocuous clothing like towels and sheets. My friend Carolynn actually offered to help me move beyond this, and I'm very grateful for her understanding. So the asshole who stole someone's panties, I really hope you read my blog post and felt like shit afterward. 

Just FYI, there is absolutely NO way to tell if a woman is a virgin or not. So any article that offers simple tips to know if your wife is a virgin is LYING and probably misogynistic.

Also, I'm really surprised no one searched for boobs, since that is usually among my highest-ranking keywords. But tits is up there, so that's close enough.

Did you find my blog via google? Care to 'fess up to how you searched for it? Leave a comment!

Sunday Shoutouts: I'm Such a Feminist

It's been a great week in my personal and professional life! My city did Restaurant Week, so Lauren and I went to a local Indian restaurant for dinner on Monday. Then Beau was able to be in town for work stuff on Wednesday, so we had two lovely nights together. Then I was in Miami for less than 48 hours doing some kickass promotion for the documentary How to Lose Your Virginity. This had the added benefit of seeing one of my best friends for the first time in four and a half years! We joined the same sorority in January 2006 (delayed recruitment) and were best friends within weeks. We don't get to see each other very often, but whenever we do, it's like no time has passed.

I spent a lot of time waiting around at the airport Thursday night and Saturday morning, so I spent a lot of time reading articles on my phone. Find out what I liked the best!

Biggest Truth Bomb About Wendy Davis: One of these days, I'll write a how-to guide on how to criticize someone without being racist or sexist. Seriously, the coverage of Wendy Davis's minor inconsistencies in the details of her biography has been incredibly inflammatory and sexist. I loved this article that called out the bullshit. Just a little sample of its awesomeness.

"Following your fundamental nature; learning that there is a whole big world out there; adjusting your aspirations upward; getting some help from people who believe in you, people whose well-being is entangled with your own: this is the stuff of the typical American success story, the American dream. It’s a story we fall in love with, except, apparently, when the dreamer happens to be female.

Most Eye-Opening: I casually talk about privilege a lot, but I know that if you're not spending all your free time reading up on feminist issues, privilege is hard to understand. This essay by Petticoat Despot is a great introduction to the topic.

Most Artistic: I absolutely loved this photo series of a dad and his baby. It's hilarious.

Best Binge Read: I divide the blogs I read into two categories: daily reads and binge reads. Blogs I read daily are usually those who post 3-4 times a week. Keeping up with most of their posts is not a huge time commitment. Blogs I binge-read are either written by bloggers who post 5+ times a week OR are mainly focused on serious issues. I binge-read them when I want to catch up with the blogger's life or when I'm in the mood for a LOT of meaty, thought-provoking work. Today I binge-read Kitty Adventures by Carolynn. Y'all might remember that she guest-posted for me last year. Today I spent about an hour and a half reading her blog. 

This post about funny conversations with her husband totally cracked me up.

I'm blown away by Carolynn's honesty and vulnerability in writing about infertility and miscarriage. Her latest post on her grief is just beautiful.

Her photos from the fog are downright ethereal.

Most Rage-Worthy: Yes, Virginia, sexism does exist. Women die not just because of obvious forms of sexism, like rape and forced birth, but because fucking sexist idiots are still in charge of medical and safety standards. Did you know that until 2011, the fucking 21st century, car crash dummies were ONLY MALE?! I literally just learned that today, and I'm pretty well-versed in women's issues. 

I want to leave this on a high note, since not everything I read is rage-worthy.

Most Inspiring: It's so great to read encouraging essays by teenagers! I love young feminists! This young woman totally gets why Modesty Culture is such a problem.

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4 Times I Vacationed in Nice

My favorite city in the world is Paris, but my second-favorite city is Nice. During my two years of living and working in France, I had the opportunity to visit Nice four times. 

One of my favorite pictures from all my travels.

My first time discovering the gorgeous southern city was during the Toussaint in 2009, while I was working as an au pair in Le Vésinet. My boss and her kids visited her family in Ireland while I traveled with three of my fellow French majors from undergrad. The four of us had all studied in Versailles together in 2007, so it was pretty cool to travel together once again.

Near the end of my job as an au pair, my three au pair besties and I spent a weekend in Nice. Unfortunately, it rained most of the weekend, but we still managed to relax. It was great getting away from our kids and host families for the weekend, with the chance to cook for ourselves, catch up on reading, and work on our tans.

When I taught English in Niort, I traveled during all the school breaks. For the February break, I traveled by myself for the first time, which was awesome. Nice was pretty gray during my visit, but it was still warmer than Niort at the time. The highlight of my trip was a day spent in Saint-Paul-de-Vence. I really hope to go back one day with Beau and buy some original art!

The view from Saint-Paul-de-Vence.

At the very end of my two years working in France, my best friend Mark came to visit me for a week and a half. Our travels included a return to Nice where we enjoyed the hot sunshine and topless sunbathing. I miss many qualities of France, but I especially miss the freedom to sunbathe topless.

One day, I hope to share my travel adventures with my amazing boyfriend, who has never been to France.

I'm guest-posting over at Jessica Lynn Writes today about what I want to do before Beau and I have kids. Travel is definitely part of that list! Check it out and let me know what else I should do before I attempt procreative sex.

Linking up with Bonnie at A Compass Rose. 

Sunday Shoutouts: Women are Second-Class Citizens

Unfortunately, the links I'm sharing this week are mostly on the depressing side of things. But reading about current events is important. As a feminist, I keep up with the reality of women's lives across the globe.

Most Obnoxious Double Standard: Last week I discovered an upcoming film called Free the Nipple, a movie based on the real-life events of New York women who fought against censorship laws. In this article, the director Lina Esco explains the ridiculous social media guidelines that allow videos of women being decapitated and sexualized boobs for the male gaze... but bans desexualized boobs. Can we just talk about how ridiculous it is that men can go shirtless in public, but not women?

Best Biblical Exegesis: If you're a Christian feminist, then you know that certain Bible passages are cringe-worthy. But part of being a Christian feminist is studying those passages, free from the close-minded chains of patriarchy, and discovering new interpretations that don't oppress anyone. I read this awesome blog post on 1 Timothy 2:12, which has traditionally been used to deny women ordination in the Church.

The Latest WTF?! by Forced-Birthers: A brain-dead woman is literally being used as an incubator right now in Texas. I lack the words to describe how horrifying this is.

What have you learned this week?

Share the best links in the comments!

Book Club Friday: The Princess and the Horse

Compared to all books, The Princess and the Horse by Mette Ivie Harrison is an engrossing work of fantasy fiction. Compared to the previous three novels in this series, the fourth installment falls short of expectations. 

From the website: A companion story to The Princess and the Hound about Fierce, who is the hound daughter of Chala. Left behind when her mother becomes human, Fierce is rejected by her pack. When she is changed into a human herself, she wants only to be a hound again. Until she falls in love with a human.


This book tells the story of Fierce, who is the hound daughter of Chala. From the best of my understanding, it's in the same time period as George and Marit.
 
I absolutely loved Fierce, her love interest, and the way they fall in love. Discovering how Fierce felt when she was abandoned by her mother was the emotional conclusion I craved from The Princess and the Hound.


If you haven't read the first three books, that's okay. This novel can be enjoyed without having read the previous works. In fact, you might enjoy it more, due to my only problem with this book.
 
The rules of magic change with each book. With the first three books, the changes were logical. We learn about animal magic in the first book. The second book explains more about all magic. The third book, I think, is another battle of the magic and unmagic in the future, way after George and Marit's time, because Chala and King Richon extended magic in time. All of this I could follow and figure out in my head.

But in this fourth novel, I have no idea how the magical battle matches up with George and Marit's time. It must be during their time period, because Fierce is Chala's hound daughter, who we briefly meet in the first novel. The magical battles are cool, but I don't understand how they mesh with the rules created in the first three novels. 

I hope the fifth book explains how all of this works. I just haven't had a chance to read it yet.

If you've been reading my book reviews and interested in trying this series without a big financial commitment, The Princess and the Horse is available for free as an ebook. Like I said, it can definitely be enjoyed without reading the first three books.

What books have you read lately?
P.S. This is my 200th blog post! Woohoo! 

The Day I Showed My Boobs: A Guest Post

I think we all know I write about boobs a lot. Ellie Ava contacted me after some boob tweets and offered to write a guest post for me! She grew up on the more moderate fringes of American evangelicalism – and then moved to Europe for 5 years. All the cool people live in Europe for awhile. Now back in the US, Ellie Ava writes, speaks, and blogs about her experiences living in-between two very different cultures. She loves birds, beauty, and cheesy sci-fi, and you can find a collection of her writings at EllieAva.tumblr.com

Yes, this basically counts as boobs for me. Image via

A few weeks ago, at a theme park in Florida, I wore a tank top/bra combination that intentionally revealed a bit of my boobs. And you know what? The world didn’t end.

This probably doesn’t come as a surprise to you if you were raised outside the confines of purity culture. But if you’ve been there, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Every clothing choice had to be evaluated rigorously. We had to predict every possible negative or sexual response our clothing might evoke and do everything in our power to prevent it. Cleavage and midriff were explicitly prohibited. Skin below the collarbone was sketchy at best, and well-defined rump or boob shapes under your clothes were questionable.

But I’m learning and growing and recovering from my stint with the modesty police. I’ve read and written in-depth analyses of modesty issues, our bodies, and sexuality. And on that vacation, it was finally time to put my new beliefs into practice.

It was plenty appropriate for the situation. We were in Florida, where clothes are mostly optional in the first place. It was hot and sunny, and my outfit was in no way provocative (which is probably sensible around young kids). But it was something I never would have worn before. It was a risk I never would have taken, showing so much of my skin in public.

I had to resist the urge to pull the shirt up a few times. I was a little scandalized every time I looked down and saw them there, out in front of God and everybody. I was honestly a little shocked that I had visible cleavage at all, as I’m small-chested and didn’t even realize that I could do that with the right combination of clothing.

So why did this conservative-raised girl risk the dangers of exposed boobage, the potential to “cause boys to stumble” or receive inappropriate and uncomfortable attention?

Because my shape is a part of my humanity and doesn’t need to be hidden.

Because a woman’s skin and body are more than sex objects.

Because I need to be able to look down and see my own form and not fear it or feel shame over it.

Because I want my younger sisters to see a woman who chooses her clothes based on appropriateness and beauty and expression and joy instead of fear of what other people will think.

Because I want my little brother to see that people who have boobs are still people.

Because I am smart enough to determine what clothes are appropriate to a situation even if they don’t conform to the “rules” set by someone else.

Because language like “not revealing secret things” and “valuing hidden virtue” makes a woman valuable for NOT doing something and installs her virtue in her body parts.

Because wisdom brings life, but rules about inches and hemlines and collarbones bring suffocation and stifling.

Because even if sex is something valuable and private, our bodies are not the same thing as sex.

Will I make it a habit? Well, it is winter, so maybe not for a while. Appropriateness, after all. But I know I won't look at myself in the mirror the same way again. I will be proud and grateful that I have boobs, and I won't let them make me feel like a lesser person anymore.

4 Tips to Survive a Cold Cold Winter

A warm shoutout to all the visitors from Jess's blog!

I'm a southern belle, born and raised, currently braving Midwestern winters for love.

It's not easy to leave a warm and sunny state with mild winters where an inch of snow will shut down a small town for the day. Especially not for a cold and gray state with frequent highs never hitting above freezing.

But I'm learning how to cope. This is my second winter in the Midwest, after a winter split between New York and Toronto, after two winters spent in France. I've picked up a few tips from year to year on how to brave the cold and brighten the gray days.

It gets boring wearing the same winter coat over and over and over again. By investing in a large collection of colorful scarves, you can easily mix up your winter wardrobe. I bought most of my scarves in France, but Target has lots of cute, inexpensive options here in the States.

I drink hot tea year-round, but I drink a lot more of it in the winter. My morning starts with a cup of Fast Lane, and my night ends with a cup of Sleepytime Extra. A nice mug of hot tea warms you from the inside out!

Fresh flowers are surprisingly affordable, but you just have to know where to look. I bought a dozen pink roses for less than $7 at the grocery store, plus the bouquet of those other flowers for only $2. It's not a practical expenditure every week, but when it's particularly gross and gray, having some brightly colored fresh flowers in the house can cheer you up.

And when all else fails, grab a cuddle buddy and snuggle for warmth!

How do you stay warm all winter long?

Sunday Shoutouts: The New Year and Feminism

Last weekend, I visited Beau, who had just moved into a new place. We had a pretty great weekend, the perfect balance between productivity and relaxation. I usually leave early Monday morning to come back to my city, but when we woke up to go to work, we discovered we were under a Level Three Snow Emergency. For my fellow southerners who have no idea what that means, a Level Three means the roads are closed to non-emergency personnel. So it would have been illegal for me to drive home. I ended up snowed in until Wednesday morning, when I was finally able to get back.

Last week's Sunday Shoutouts were all about the New Year. Today will include a few more inspiring New Year links, among others.

Most Intersectional: NinjaCate aka Batty Mamzelle is the primary reason I'm trying to be a more intersectional feminist. Her writing never fails to teach me something new. A few days ago, she wrote a straightforward post called "This Is What I Mean When I Say 'White Feminism.'" It included the following handy (if limited*) diagram.

Most Thought-Provoking: Betsy shared her thoughts on remembering the past and learning from our mistakes. Her post "Regrets and Blank Slates" reminds us that we can't really start fresh with the New Year, as much as we like to think the past is just in the past.

Best Feminist New Year's Resolution: I love this idea that we should adopt feminists. Those of us who have been feminists for a long time should guide some newbie feminists.

Most Eye-Opening and Heartbreaking: Our society does not take rape seriously. That is the shortest way to explain rape culture. Ma'lik Richmond, one of the Steubenville rapists, was just released after only serving nine months of a minimum one-year sentence. This is a clear-cut example of our society not taking rape seriously. From the linked article:

Our society is clearly failing young women. That young men are sufficiently comfortable in their behaviour that they think nothing of taping and distributing their crimes shows just how little society values young women.

But we are also failing young men because we keep permitting this cycle to repeat. Perhaps these boys act like they did nothing wrong because they have absorbed the convoluted messages of a culture that reassures them that they haven’t.

What have you read recently? Share your links in the comments! Also, just FYI, if you've written something brag-worthy, you can share your own post with me, and I'll consider it for next week's Sunday Shoutouts.

*Please don't debate the limitations of the graphic in my comments. They will not be approved. If you follow the link, NinjaCate has explained the graphic's limitations in both the post itself and further in the comments.

Book Club Friday: The Princess and the Snowbird

It's been a few weeks since my last book review, of The Princess and the Bear by Mette Ivie Harrison. Since then, I've read both the third and the fourth books in the series. Since I love these books so much, I'm dedicating today's post to The Princess and the Snowbird.

via

The Princess and the Snowbird introduces two new characters to the magical universe. The daughter of King Richon and Chala, who inherited all of her parents' magic, befriends a boy with no magic. 

From her website: Her parents were legends. When she was born, they gave their magic to her. And they will not take it back. Now, it is up to her if magic lives or dies. But she has lived all her life with animals. Why should it matter to her what humans do to their own magic?

While I loved this book as well, reading it felt a little bittersweet. I get really attached to book characters, and this book takes place in a later time period than George and Marit. 

Magic has once again transformed. The animal magic introduced in the first book is now known as the aur-magic, and a human corruption of it is the tehr-magic. Most humans fear the aur-magic, and there's an evil magic-less man called the Hunter who is trying to eradicate all magic.

I don't think it's too much of a spoiler to mention that I loved the romance and adventure in this novel.

Although I recommend reading the first two novels before trying The Princess and the Snowbird, this book can stand alone. Anyone with a love for fantasy and adventure should definitely check out The Princess and the Snowbird.

 

*Post contains two Amazon Affiliate links.

Please Stop Asking Me About My Sex Life

I’ve been a virgin my whole life, for well over 25 years. I’ve been blogging about virginity for about two and a half years now. I like to accessorize with a scarlet V on my chest, and sometimes I accidentally pull my V-card out of my wallet when I’m reaching for my credit card.

via

So, like, you’d think I’d be totally suave and sophisticated, or at least straightforward and sensible, when discussing S-E-X with actual people, in real life.*

Nuh-uh.

Not even close.

If I don’t blush and stammer, then I go off on some academic, feminist diatribe. Anything to avoid talking about my own sex life.

Yet, I can’t always avoid the conversation. Even with my family.

Especially with my family.

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, my mom and I had a lovely little chat.

Mom: So where are you and Beau staying during the weekend?

Me: I booked us a hotel downtown, within walking distance of the church.

Mom: Just one room?!

Me: I can’t exactly afford two rooms, Mom, and I’m not going to ask him to pay for the hotel for my sorority sister’s wedding.

Mom: Oh, goodness me. Well, you know, just be sure to only pack nice underwear, in case he goes through your bag or something. I mean, I don’t know why he’d be in your suitcase, but you wouldn’t want him to come across one of those older pairs you have or something.

Me: Um, okay, Mom. So, on a completely unrelated note, if I call in a refill of my birth control at our local pharmacy, could you pick it up and mail it to me?

Mom: *crickets*

Me: Mom, I’m only going to say this once, and then I never want to discuss it again. Beau and I are both saving sex for marriage.

It came up with Beau, his brother, and his brother’s wife when we were debating the “religious freedom” of the coverage of birth control.

Me: I’m lucky that mine only costs $10 a month, but that’s with insurance. Not all formulas are the same, and without insurance, it can be really expensive.

Beau’s Brother: *raises his eyebrows and looks at Beau*

Beau: *undertone* She takes it for medical reasons.

Me: *blushes*

Oh, hey, my aunt brought it up at Christmas last year!

Aunt: *undertone* So are you two doing it?

Me: *undertone* Aunt!!!!!!!!!!!!! No! *blushes*

Everyone Else: *looks at us*

What can I say? I really don’t want to tell my family my boyfriend and I aren’t having sex. But I also don’t want lectures on how we shouldn’t be having sex until we’re married. Which we’re not.

Basically I’m screwed—well, not screwed—either way.

*Exceptions to my awkwardness would be with select besties, who are great for sexy chats.

Sunday Shoutouts: Happy New Year!

I skipped Sunday Secrets Shoutouts (oops, I was tired when I wrote this) last week. Beau and I spent the weekend in his hometown, hanging out with his high school and college friends who were all in town for the holidays. Beau has AWESOME friends, and I regret that we don't get to see his oldest friends more often. Sunday we went to the art museum in his hometown. While I definitely enjoyed it, I was bummed that their ONE painting by Monet was on loan. It was a busy weekend, lots of fun, but blogging just wasn't a priority. 

But it's a new year! And my first Sunday Shoutouts of 2014! I read tons of great posts this past week, and I can't wait to share them all.

Most Inspirational New Year post: I didn't make any "normal" resolutions this year, and the two that I did make I'm keeping private. I LOVE what Lindsay did in lieu of a normal resolution, over at Trial By Sapphire. She chose a word to live by in 2014. So original! And the word she chose is so great I might just steal it for myself... But you'll have to read the post itself to find out!

Most Reasonable New Year post: I might join Elle Sees in her resolutions this year. Last year, she did a mini resolution every week! And before that, she did a different one every month. This year, she's changing it up once again. 

Bravest post: Newer readers might not know this, because I don't bring it up often, but I'm bisexual. One of the Christian feminist bloggers I follow started the new year by coming out as queer, being somewhere in-between straight and lesbian. It's a beautiful, honest post, and I highly encourage everyone to read it.

If you missed it, check out my review of my blog in 2013.

What did you read this week?