Tuesday, June 25, 2013

A Man Violated Me Without Laying a Finger on Me

I'm writing this as I attempt to control my sobbing. I'm taking deep breaths and trying to focus on the words on the screen in front of me.

Someone stole my underwear from the laundry room of my apartment building tonight.

When I write it out, it seems silly. Like the plot of a book set at summer camp. Certainly nothing worth crying over. It's just clothes, right? I should be thankful the thief left my sheets and towels, right? It's just one of the hazards of using shared laundry facilities, right?

Except whoever stole my underwear left all the plain cotton ones. Whoever stole my underwear stole lacy, frilly, sexy pairs of underwear that I've worn to seduce my boyfriend. The thief took my favorite cheeky panties that make my ass look amazing. This creep stole almost my entire collection of pretty underwear, about $100 worth of lingerie.

I kept my cool for almost two hours. I emailed my building manager, I put a sign up in the laundry room, and I walked door-to-door for over an hour, questioning the tenants. I did everything right. I was cool, calm, and collected. I knocked loudly on the doors, I asked each tenant if he or she had done laundry around 5:15pm today, and I didn't cry. One tenant had retrieved her laundry at that time, and she described a man leaving as she approached. She had also noticed that the washing machine lid was open, and some clothes were in the sink next to it, both of which she thought was odd. Since I checked my laundry at 5:30pm, and both washers were closed, and no laundry was in the sink, I'm pretty sure it was that man who stole my underwear. Another tenant told me that she'd had bras, camisoles, and panties stolen from the laundry room in the past.

A man, who lives in the same apartment building that I do, stole my sexy panties.

I no longer feel safe in my apartment building. He didn't just steal my underwear. He stole my feeling of security.

I paused in writing this for about half an hour, during which I skyped with Beau, who encouraged me to fill out a police report. I've stopped crying now, but I cried for a good half hour before I get online, and then at least another fifteen minutes while talking to him.

My building manager emailed me back. On top of explaining the steps she is taking for this situation, she also validated my feelings. (Edited to remove personal information. Emphasis mine).

Again, I personally have had strange things happen
 to me in the past... and I know how  
victimized and violated it can make you feel.

Yes. That is exactly how I feel. I feel victimized and violated, two horrible feelings that I haven't felt in a long time. He didn't have to touch me or speak to me or even see me to violate me. By stealing something so personal, where I live, the thief violated me.

Now, anytime I run into a man in my apartment, I will be nervous. Alert. On edge. Was it him? Does he have my underwear? Am I safe?

Men are understandably upset when women treat them like potential rapists. But I was 12, at home, in my kitchen, the first time a boy violated my body. I'm in my 20s now, in my apartment building, and this is only the most recent of times a man has violated me. 

So if I'm extra-cautious around men I don't know,  
can you blame me?

10 comments:

  1. I am so sorry this happened to you. :( What a truly violating, icky thing. Hopefully the person is question is found.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, hon. It squicks me out SO much. I hope they find him too, but aside from searching every man's unit, I don't know how they will. =/

      Delete
  2. God, how scary! and how CREEPY. I'm glad you're okay (physically, at least) and that your building manager is supporting you. Can you file a report - is that an option?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly. It sucks SO MUCH, and I feel unsafe in my building. I still feel safe within my apartment, with my two locks, although I'm asking Beau to install a third lock on my door.

      I'm glad I'm physically okay too. Even though I wish he could have been caught in the act, I'm glad I wasn't there when he did it. I don't even want to think what could have happened, and how much worse I would feel.

      I filed a police report, but I doubt there's anything they can do unless other victims filed reports before me. I'm basically just creating a paper trail in case he does it again.

      Delete
  3. It makes me so outraged that creeps like this man can go around making people feel unsafe in their own homes. I'm at least glad that the building manager understood your situation, and did not write it off as just some weird event.

    Also, just wanted to say how much I love your blog. Everything I've read so far has been incredibly insightful and interesting. Also, although I'm not religious myself I'm very interested in the relationship between feminism and religion. I'm very much looking forward to continuing to read your blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know. It's disgusting. And he's still living in this building, because we have no idea who he is.

      I'm glad you love my blog!!! That is music to my ears. :)

      I was discussing this on Jezebel the other day, and like the other commentator said, you can't really decide whether or not you believe in God. It just happens. I do, so I'm stuck with organized religion. Thus I just have to figure out how to reconcile my beliefs. It's not always easy, and I feel as though I receive a lot of criticism from one side or the other, depending on the topic, but I can't abandon either set of beliefs.

      Thanks for commenting!

      Delete
  4. Girl thats sick! This happened to me before too...except I hired movers to move a box plain as day labeled "undergarments"...and they took it!!! How sick is that?!I hope they can find the loser who did that. What a creep!

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    Replies
    1. Ughhh, why are so many people creeps?! I'm even more disturbed by the number of women who have responded sympathetically... AND then explained a similar thing happened to them! Obviously this is just a very small group of men who ruin things for all the good men, but THIS is why it's not always easy for women to trust any man blindly.

      Delete
  5. awful! when i was in HS, a guy who mowed our grass as a kid, was caught outside my window as i was getting ready for school. he was on drugs, remembered my sis and i from when we were all kids, and took the screens off our bedroom windows. luckily, a cop who was leaving his mistress' house spotted him. his intent was to rape us,he admitted. i don't know what happened to him, but i slept with tin foil on my windows for years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's even worse! I'm so glad the cop was there to stop him. I would feel nervous for years after something like that.

      Delete

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Anonymous commenting disabled while my mom is sick.

Comments are moderated because I receive a lot of spam, and I think CAPTCHA is annoying. I reply to most of your comments within the comment section because it inspires discussion between readers. For first-time commenters, I try to reply by email.

Yes, you can comment anonymously. Yes, you can disagree with me. However, as of 05/31/2013, if you are commenting anonymously, and your words are hateful or abusive, I will publish these at my discretion. I like that my blog can be a forum for discussion, but anything that blames or mocks survivors of sexual assault will NOT be tolerated.

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