Wednesday, July 23, 2014

5 Things You Should Never Say to a New Bride

Today I've been married for four months and one day, which is pretty exciting! Every day, I feel so blessed to call Beau my husband. I know we're only newlyweds, but we've already weathered a few storms together. Marriage has been amazing, and I look forward to our lifetime together.

That said, I still receive a few comments that range from annoying to infuriating, and I have a feeling I'm not the only bride who has to endure them. So to all well-meaning family members and nosy busybodies, here are a few things you should NOT tell a new bride.

Now that you're married, you don't have to work if you don't want to!

You're kidding, right? Like, I realize my husband has a great job and could support both of us, but I happily supported myself before we got married. I might not earn much money right now, but leaving the workforce to be a housewife would be hugely detrimental to my future earnings potential. I like working. I like having a job. I realize my career choices are no longer entirely my own, but I wouldn't give up working just because my husband earns a lot of money. And if I DID, that's no one else's business but ours.

Your husband is so sweet. You'd better be nice to him.

Yes, please cast me in the role of the evil, nagging wife who is so mean to her perfect, patient husband. These comments are never said jokingly. I literally have people checking in on me to make sure I'm nice to my husband. Um, he married me, so my personality must be okay.

I'm going to call you by your husband's last name because I'm old-fashioned and don't care about your specifically expressed preferences. 

Some thank-you notes have been signed with my full name. All return address labels have both mine and Beau's first and last names.

Have you fixed all of your husband's bad habits yet? 

Stop acting like my husband is a child, unless we're talking about how he and I are adorable and child-like. I am allowed to complain about his tendency to leave laundry everywhere, which is basically the only bad habit I've complained about since we moved in together. No one else gets to judge his life choices AND THEN expect me to fix them to meet your stupid expectations.

When are you having children?

WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR FOUR MONTHS. And the vast majority of people know that we saved coitus for marriage, AND we didn't move in together until four weeks before the wedding. Like, can we please be newlyweds for a little bit before you hound us about children? Not to mention this is SUPER-HURTFUL if a couple is dealing with infertility. It's 2014, and people still think it's okay to essentially ask if we're having unprotected sex. Think about it. If you ask me when we're having kids, you're asking me when I want to have unprotected sex with my husband. None of your damn business. 

Fellow brides (and grooms!), what have people said to you that irritated or infuriated you? Let me know in the comments!
Linking up with Nancy J, Meredith, and Mary for Wedding Wednesday! 

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Sunday Shoutouts: Yes, I Know I'm Beautiful

Married life is keeping me busy! Almost too busy to blog, but I also spent a fair amount of time working on some paid writing this past week. 
Biggest Conversation-Starter: I read this great article last week called "What Happened When We Gave Our Daughter My Last Name." I shared it to my personal Facebook page, which sparked a great conversation. The biggest takeaway is that naming children should be a discussion, not an assumption. 

Best Criticism of Musical Tropes: I've been saying for YEARS that I'm sick and tired of pop romance songs saying that girls are beautiful, but don't know it. And their not knowing it makes them more beautiful. I'm not arrogant. I don't think I'm some supermodel. But I know that I'm pretty. How does that somehow make me less pretty?

Best on Gaslighting: Stop calling women crazy. Seriously. Just because you disagree with us, or dislike what we have to say, does NOT mean we're crazy. 

What did you read last week?

Monday, July 14, 2014

Monday Mentions: Oops, I was Busy This Weekend

I feel pulled in a million different directions, and posting regularly is not at the top of my priorities. I love my blog, and I love my readers, but I'm also trying to figure out marriage, and make new friends, and keep up with my old friends, and enjoy the summer, and read books, and talk to my mom regularly, and organize meals for her, my dad, and younger brother long-distance (why my brother isn't doing this I DON'T KNOW).

That said, I did read stuff on the Internet last week. So I might be late with Sunday Shoutouts, but at least I can do some Monday Mentions. Here's the best of what I've read since last week!

Happy Bastille Day: For grammar nerds, knowing when to use "tu" and when to use "vous" is a nightmare. This handy chart explains the tricky nuances!

Most Uncomfortable Juxtaposition: As an awareness campaign for intimate partner violence, an artist rendered Disney princesses as women physically abused by their significant others. If the wording of any of that is weird to you, that's because I don't like the phrases "domestic violence" and "battered women." 

Best Historical Figure: So I've started following a tumblr on "Rejected Disney Princesses." I love this post which details all the evil things one countess did... And then provides the argument that it was all a smear campaign. I love history!

To keep up with everything I read online, follow me on Twitter, LIKE me on Facebook, and follow me on Tumblr.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Wedding Wednesday: Liebster Award

Writing a weekly Wedding Wednesday post has proven to be very difficult, so I set a goal of blogging about wedding stuff every other week. Except sometimes that is not easy either.

BUT I was recently nominated by Emily at Southern Expectations for a Liebster Award. Being the clever cat that I am, I'm killing two birds with one stone. 

1. Each person must post 11 things about themselves. 2. Answer the questions that the nominator has set for you, plus create 11 questions for the  people you've nominated to answer. 3. Choose 11 people (with 200 followers of less) and link them in your post. 4. Go to their page and tell them. 5. No tag backs!
11 Facts About My Wedding
  1. We chose our wedding date based on my younger brother's college spring break.
  2. Beau and I appeared in a local TV news segment two nights before our wedding, discussing why the church and its food pantry should be saved from new zoning laws.
  3. I was sick on our wedding night.
  4. Luckily our wedding was in the morning, so we had married sex in the afternoon before I got sick.
  5. I intentionally chose a morning wedding because I wanted both a champagne brunch afterwards and more time for married sex.
  6. Our "first look" was pretty anti-climatic because Beau is not a crier. 
    This was faked, remember?
  7. My younger brother got ordained on the Internet and co-led the service with the church's actual minister. 
  8. My twin brother proposed to his fiancée before Beau and I got engaged, but their wedding isn't until October. 
  9. I didn't have a bridal party because I didn't want to choose a Maid of Honor. Or bridesmaids. 
  10. Not having a bridal party led to my idea of only having parents and siblings at the wedding itself. 
  11. Having coitus for the first time did not hurt. It actually felt pretty awesome. 
11 Answers to 11 Questions
1. What is your favorite part of blogging? Meeting new people and exchanging ideas!

2. If you could move to any country in the world, where would it be? France, bien sûr!

3. Favorite 'adult' beverage? Sparkling wine.

4. Favorite hobby? Writing.

5. If you could have a super power, what would it be and why? Telekinesis because I could save people from getting crushed by heavy stuff and because I wouldn't have to get out of bed to get food or drink.

6. What does your last text message say? Who was it from? My husband texted me about his sweet hotel suite.

7. What is your idea of a perfect date night? Date Night In: pizza and/or boneless wings, beer, Star Trek, sex, cuddles, sleep. Date Night Out: Zoo trip followed by hibachi for dinner.

8. Favorite food/foods? Candy. Cereal. Chips. Bacon. Pizza. Boneless wings. 

9. You have just one 1 million dollars, you have 24 hours to spend it, what do you do with the money? Book a private jet for me, my family, and my friends to Paris! Shopping spree for everyone, freely flowing champagne (real champagne), and gourmet meals.

10. Best 4th of July Memory? Spending the 4th with my best friend Rose, her grandparents, and her great-aunts. Rose made us all dinner, and then we went to the neighborhood fireworks show. Afterward, Rose and I watched Beauty and the Beast while I drank white wine from a light-up wine glass, and she drank scotch. 

11. Coffee or Tea? Tea!

Thanks for the nomination, Emily! This is my third nomination for the Liebster Award (see previous awards HERE and HERE), so I'm following my friend Dana's lead and not tagging anyone else.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Sunday Shoutouts is Back... for Now

This is my first Sunday Shoutouts post since my mom was diagnosed with cancer. While I've still somehow managed to keep my blog going amidst all the craziness, I have spent considerably less time reading the writing of others online. But I've slowly gotten back into my routines, which include reading the best of the Internet.

Shit People Say to Adult Virgins: Whenever I link to a post in GroupThink, I feel obliged to point out that it is a forum of Jezebel, the Gawker Media site. The writers there are not professional. We are not paid. Sometimes we just happen to write stuff that is really good, so an actual paid writer for Jezebel chooses to share it. I say this only because some of the criticisms lobbed at posts on GroupThink are based on the inaccurate idea that GroupThink writers are paid by Gawker Media.

With that long caveat, I loved this post! I definitely heard my fair share of these comments before I started dating Beau, and I was only 24 when we started dating. I imagine the irritating and presumptuous comments only get worse as a person ages and still maintains a virginal status.

Image credit Carol Rossetti
18 Empowering Illustrations: I had actually seen two or three of these before, but seeing so many of these drawings together is truly inspiring. Graphic designer Carol Rossetti created these amazing illustrations of different kinds of women and the empowered choices they make.

Make Me an Internet Meme: For the month of July, you can stream the amazing documentary How to Lose Your Virginity for only $4.99! Part of the promotion includes some cool gifs from the film's highlights, including some truly hilarious statements by Beau

What have you read this week?


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Copyright © 2013 Finding My Virginity | Design By 2317studio | Powered By Blogger