Friday, April 26, 2013

Book Club Friday: Flat-Out Matt

I feel like every time I link up for Book Club Friday, I have to first apologize for how long it's been. Working two jobs keeps a woman busy! That, and spending last weekend at a water park and spa with my beloved boyfriend kept me a little preoccupied... 

Last year I reviewed the best ebook I've ever purchased: Flat-Out Love by Jessica Park. I have recommended this book to anyone, man or woman, who asks for book recommendations. It is such a fun, easy read with complex characters, witty (but realistic!) dialogue, and an intriguing plot.

A few weeks ago I received an email from, one that reminded me of why I sign up for company emails even when I delete 75% of them. Amazon just wanted me to know that Jessica Park had a new ebook out. Not just a new ebook, but a companion novella to Flat-Out Love, called Flat-Out Matt.

I flipped a shit, in a good way. I have Amazon Prime, so I was eligible to borrow Flat-Out Matt for free, but I decided to buy it anyway. When you find an author you really love, it's important to support her as much as possible! 

Before I get into my actual review, I should post a huge spoiler warning. Do NOT read this book before reading Flat-Out Love. Some companion novels can be read in either order, but this is NOT true for Flat-Out Love and Flat-Out Matt.

The first book is told from Julie's POV, and the companion novella (much shorter than the original) is told from Matt's POV. It's just as beautiful and emotional as the first one.


Saturday, April 20, 2013

Without My Consent: A Guest Post

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. I dream of a world when we don't need to raise awareness for sexual assault, but sadly, we're not there yet. The more I speak out on sexual assault and consent, the more men and women come forward and confide in me. Another friend of mine asked me if she could share her story.

I want to preface this by saying that when I first read her guest post the other night, I started crying. Beau had to hold me for about ten minutes until I could stop. When I tweet angry things, and when I argue passionately on my blog, it's because hearing these stories from people I love just wound me so deeply.

I was anything but innocent (and definitely wasn’t a virgin), but that still doesn’t change the fact that it is my choice who I do and don’t have sex with. Just because I had sex with your friend doesn’t mean that I am obligated to have sex with you. Just because I had sex with you previously doesn’t mean I am obligated to have sex with you again. These are some fundamentally misunderstood issues in our culture.

You, and only you, are in control of your sex life in every single instance, no exceptions.

I was violated without my consent.

Because I have had sex before, my friends wrote it off as me getting what I had coming. The fact of the matter is that this philosophy on sex is NOT okay.

This is my story.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Pretending to be a Fashion Blogger

I'm not a fashion blogger. Not even close. I might occasionally tweet pictures with the hashtag #OOTD, but that's a pretty rare occurrence. Not to mention all photos are self-portraits in horrible lighting.

In the winter, I rotate between jeans, black slacks, black corduroy leggings, and gray sweater leggings paired with a rotation of long-sleeved shirts, 3/4-sleeved shirts, and sweaters in a mostly black, white, and gray color scheme and an assortment of colorful scarves.

The Midwest is cold, even in the spring. The weather in the last several weeks has been all over the place. My clothes have to accommodate an office that's usually cool, a department store that ranges from freezing to boiling, and the outdoors itself. 

In other words, I basically wear the same pair of floral skinny jeans almost every day.

3/4-sleeved gray sweater purchased on sale from The Loft in January 2013, pink boots bought in Bordeaux in December 2010

Sunday, April 14, 2013

The Virginity Manifesto: A Guest Post

I love all my blog readers. I love your tweets, your DMs, your comments, and your emails. All of you encourage me so much, and I feel like all the time I spend on this blog is worth it. Some of my readers turn into writers, and I'm thrilled to give them a platform to share their thoughts on virginity. Yulia commented on my blog awhile back with some of her thoughts, and I invited her to write a blog post. She recently submitted the following to me, which I gladly share with you.

I don’t consider my virginity a prize to be won. Never have. More importantly, I don’t think it is something a modern woman should necessarily hold onto until she gets married. And, even more surprisingly, I don’t consider myself amoral or depraved for thinking so. 

GIF found here.

I am 26 years old, and I am a virgin. I have never known a man the way many other girls my age would have done by now. I have never experienced the slightest touch of a strong man’s hand against my body. It might be shocking for some of you to learn that I have never even been kissed. Weird confession to make for a 26-year-old young woman, yet it is true.  

Let us speak of virginity not as some condition imposed upon women by God or some other external force, the breach of which would entail the highest possible degree of public condemnation and male disrespect. Let us instead consider virginity as something internal to us, something that belongs to us by right, something we hold sole possession of, an inner condition that defines our attitude towards intimacy and men, as well as our readiness for both. You are the only person to decide what to do with your virginity (and when, and where, and with whom, and how, and why, and...) From this vantage point virginity stops being the proverbial prize for (some) men and becomes your own. And since it is yours, and yours alone, it is strictly inviolable, and you are free to treat it as you please.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Consent: A Definition

Remember that one time, I wrote a post on consent, and I promised to write more on consent, like how consent can be sexy, and then I never did?

Yeah, sorry about that. Life happened? I was distracted by other blog ideas? I wrote posts that were timely with current events?

Speaking of current events, consent should be a timeless idea, but in the Steubenville aftermath, and to honor Sexual Assault Awareness Month, bringing it up again seems especially appropriate.

Confession: My observations of the political and social climate in the States are clouded by my identity as a feminist. (Shocking revelation, I know).

I spend a borderline-obsessive amount of time educating myself on the gender pay gap (it exists, but whining about 77 cents on the dollar makes you look like an uninformed idiot), following proposed and enacted anti-choice legislation seeking to limit women’s reproductive health (I then inform Beau of states where we cannot live one day, like North Dakota), and studying sexual assault (the prevalence, the perpetrators, the different forms, societal causes, etc.).

One of the most encouraging trends I’ve noticed in the last year is the appearance, at least, of more people calling for a change in rape prevention. The trendy feminist thing to say is “Don’t teach women not to get raped. Teach men not to rape.” Campaigns include Men Can Stop Rape and Don’t BeThat Guy.

From the new bystander intervention campaign.

One of the most discouraging trends I’ve noticed, however, is the


Disgusting, whiny, misogynistic, uncaring attitude from waaaaaaaay too many men who are falling over themselves to see who can be the most obnoxious and privileged asshole of all time.

Not all men are rapists! I’m offended at the implication! No fucking duh. Look, feminists are a little tired of prefacing every conversation about rape with the disclaimer that we know most men aren’t rapists. But guess what. Most rapists are men. So if we’re gonna talk about rape, we gotta talk about men. GET OVER YOUR DAMN PRIVILEGE.

What, I have to get consent now every time I have sex? That’s absurd! What a mood-killer. You’re a fucking idiot who’s either a rapist or just really lousy in bed. If you can’t find a sexy way to get clear consent from your partner, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.


Or, more nicely put, one of the most discouraging trends I’ve noticed is when some men don’t understand what feminists are trying to do and thus lash out with irrational fear.


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