Wednesday, July 23, 2014

5 Things You Should Never Say to a New Bride

Today I've been married for four months and one day, which is pretty exciting! Every day, I feel so blessed to call Beau my husband. I know we're only newlyweds, but we've already weathered a few storms together. Marriage has been amazing, and I look forward to our lifetime together.

That said, I still receive a few comments that range from annoying to infuriating, and I have a feeling I'm not the only bride who has to endure them. So to all well-meaning family members and nosy busybodies, here are a few things you should NOT tell a new bride.

Now that you're married, you don't have to work if you don't want to!

You're kidding, right? Like, I realize my husband has a great job and could support both of us, but I happily supported myself before we got married. I might not earn much money right now, but leaving the workforce to be a housewife would be hugely detrimental to my future earnings potential. I like working. I like having a job. I realize my career choices are no longer entirely my own, but I wouldn't give up working just because my husband earns a lot of money. And if I DID, that's no one else's business but ours.

Your husband is so sweet. You'd better be nice to him.

Yes, please cast me in the role of the evil, nagging wife who is so mean to her perfect, patient husband. These comments are never said jokingly. I literally have people checking in on me to make sure I'm nice to my husband. Um, he married me, so my personality must be okay.

I'm going to call you by your husband's last name because I'm old-fashioned and don't care about your specifically expressed preferences. 

Some thank-you notes have been signed with my full name. All return address labels have both mine and Beau's first and last names.

Have you fixed all of your husband's bad habits yet? 

Stop acting like my husband is a child, unless we're talking about how he and I are adorable and child-like. I am allowed to complain about his tendency to leave laundry everywhere, which is basically the only bad habit I've complained about since we moved in together. No one else gets to judge his life choices AND THEN expect me to fix them to meet your stupid expectations.

When are you having children?

WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR FOUR MONTHS. And the vast majority of people know that we saved coitus for marriage, AND we didn't move in together until four weeks before the wedding. Like, can we please be newlyweds for a little bit before you hound us about children? Not to mention this is SUPER-HURTFUL if a couple is dealing with infertility. It's 2014, and people still think it's okay to essentially ask if we're having unprotected sex. Think about it. If you ask me when we're having kids, you're asking me when I want to have unprotected sex with my husband. None of your damn business. 

Fellow brides (and grooms!), what have people said to you that irritated or infuriated you? Let me know in the comments!
Linking up with Nancy J, Meredith, and Mary for Wedding Wednesday! 


  1. Oh my gosh. No way. No, no no no! I can't believe people have said those things to you! I've gotten the kids thing, but not the others! WOW. I'm infuriated FOR you!!!

    And totally agree about how personal all of the questions/statements are, especially the kids one...especially if people may have fertility issues. Oy. People. So sorry you have to deal with all of that!!!

    Also, thank you again for your sweet comment on my blog post! You are so kind! The compliments are much appreciated, more than you know!

    1. Ha, thank you! It's just really weird what people think they can say to you once you're married. While the first and third point have only been said to me once, I've actually gotten the other comments multiple times. It's so inappropriate.

      Keep all of your beautiful pictures coming! My poor friends and family haven't even seen my pictures on Facebook yet because I've been too busy to load them all...

  2. I relate to this so much! Every word :) love it!

    1. I actually thought of you when I wrote two of those points, including the first one. I hope I successfully made it clear that it's fine if one spouse chooses to stay home, but it's inappropriate to tell someone that when she gets married.

    2. I totally agree! People tell me all the time I am lazy and should get a job. No matter what choice a women makes others should not presume! I have friends who say my choice isn't for them but they totally support me :) and I might not dream of working outside my home but if you do you go girl! I think you are pretty much amazing!

  3. People have no filter. I'm single and so many of my family members/married friends like to ask things like, "when are you going to finally settle down," or "don't worry you'll find him." I didn't express doubt about that, but thanks for questioning my life choices that aren't any of your business. Yeesh.

    1. Beau was my first boyfriend, and we met when I was 24. So I heard all sorts of great totally unsolicited "advice" and comments on my single status. There's this weird unspoken implication that something is obviously wrong with you if you're single. Um, thanks?

  4. After taking care of a screaming child the other day, I (mostly jokingly) said, "This is why I don't think I want children." and the women protested, "No! Never say that! They aren't like this forever!" as if I am not competent enough to make my own choices.

    I can't believe someone would say, "Now you don't have to work!" I hear this sometimes after children are born, but just being married? That's new to me.

    I try not to ask about children mostly for the reasons you just listed above. :)

    1. Some people aren't meant to be parents. Why is that such a difficult concept? A good friend of mine is engaged, and she told me her fiancé has already gotten a vasectomy because they don't want to have kids. I love kids, and I'm dying to ONE DAY NOT NOW have them, but even I joke all the time about how kids ruin your life. Having kids is not a decision people should make lightly! (But if you have them accidentally and need government assistance, you're an evil whore, just for the record).

      Only one person has told me I don't need to work, and I think she meant it as a compliment? She works with Beau, so I think she was complimenting his good job and work ethic? But it just came out really badly. That was on the irritating scale, not the infuriating. ;)

  5. People always said to me "Your poor husband doesn't know what he's in for." Oh, ha ha, aren't you funny. I know I can be a bit sassy and he's incredibly chill but, hello, RUDE! As for the kids, I got pregnant like 3 months after we got married so fortunately I dodged any annoying questions about that!

  6. I have been together with my boyfriend (he is 24, I am 23) for two years now. We love each other dearly and know we are "the one" for each other. At family reunions (of his family) I get asked quite frequently by his family members why I didn't fix this or that bad habit of my man (mostly laundry everywere or the occasional cigarette). Mostly I get asked these things when he is standing right next to me. And I am constantly saying: "I don't bother" (even if it sometimes can get me mad) or "I'm not his mother! Why should I bring him up?" And when his parents ask me this (HIS PARENTS!), I say "You have such a wonderful son and I think it's sad that you can't see his good sides." Why are they asking me these mean things so often? I am sure I have some issues of my own and nobody ever asked him why he did not fix them (I think he would hit them on their nosy nose if they did it because he would want to protect me).
    How dare they?
    I get asked sometimes when we are going to get married. But I think it's nice to hear. I think that they see how happy we are with each other and I like the idea of getting married to him. It is indeed nosy but I don't mind being asked this question.
    P.S.: I love your blog! Just find it today and will surely follow!


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