I went to church this morning.
And I almost cried. Several times.
I had forgotten how much joy I can feel in the right church setting.
I had forgotten how light my heart feels when I'm worshiping God, when I can feel Her love pouring over me, when I'm just so happy to be in Her presence.
It's been so long since I've attended church. I didn't even go to church at Christmas. I think the last time I went to church was when I was home for Thanksgiving.
I haven't had a church home in a long time, since I graduated college, in fact.
It made sense at first. Was my French good enough to follow services in France? Plus I woke up so early most of the time, and I just wanted to sleep in on Sundays. In New York and in Toronto, I relied on walking and public transportation on the weekends, which didn't really encourage me. I knew living in Big City would be temporary, and I didn't want to commit to a new church right before moving again. Then I was working two jobs most of last year, and I often had to work on Sundays.
But reading that paragraph, all these decisions that made perfect sense at the time now just come off as excuses to me now.
Beau and I will probably live here in Small City for at least two years, if not longer. I need to find a church home, and today I took that first step.
Beau and I attended Easter services at the Episcopal Church. I was raised in a conservative Presbyterian denomination, but I need to find a Protestant denomination with a more liberal theology. The Episcopal Church is a contender.
While I didn't completely follow the entire order of service (there's a lot of repetition, and they use multiple books for reading stuff), I did love the rituals performed this morning. Plus we sang my two favorite Easter hymns!
Next weekend, I'll be a bit busy with our final wedding receptions and my parents visiting, but I hope to try out the Episcopal Church again in May.
I want to feel this joy and peace again. I want to celebrate God's love every day, not just on Easter Sunday. I just hope that I remember how I feel today in a few weeks.