Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Three Years--I Can't Believe It!

Three years ago today, I started writing Confessions of a Virgin, known today as Finding My Virginity.

I didn't have much in mind except to challenge stereotypes about virgins. I figured I could lure readers in with provocative pictures and honest, titillating stories of my past. And then be like BAM, I'm saving sex for marriage, WHAT THEN?!

And while I've certainly managed to show off pictures of my cleavage and write a series on virginity myths, writing this blog has changed me more than I ever could have predicted. I mean, I started this blog with the intention of changing other people. I had no idea that I needed to change my own ideas of virginity.

Like Therese from How to Lose Your Virginity says,

What if all we had to lose were our virginity myths?

This blog inadvertently chronicled my entire relationship with Beau, from dating to becoming "official," from saying "I love you" to mutually sharing our first fellatio experience, from being long-distance to getting married.

And as our physical relationship has grown, always completely entwined with our romantic relationship, I learned to challenge my own ideas of virginity.

Can I have a heteronormative definition of virginity, even though I'm bisexual?

Why was saving coitus for marriage the right choice? It definitely was the right choice for us, but why did we call our pre-coital sexual status virginity?

Will I ever be honest about my personal definition of virginity and "waiting til marriage" outside of my anonymous identity?

Can I ever come out to my family and friends from high school/college as bisexual? 

I don't know the answers to all these questions, but I'm ready to start exploring them.

I'm ready to share how Beau and I prepared for a painless wedding day.

I'm ready to reveal how wedding day sex changed me--and didn't change me.

But I'm also ready to be a better advocate for Christian feminism, under my own name.

Confession: I've been blogging under my own name for almost a month now.

I have a fancy self-hosted WordPress blog, with an SEO plugin to help me focus on keywords, and a ridiculous quantity of good pictures with my watermark, and a social sharing plugin to help me cross-promote, and a consistent photo across all forms of social media.

If anyone noticed the decrease in blog posts for the month of July--this is the 8th--after six months of 11-14 posts a month, well, now you know why. I've written eight posts under my own name this month, with all the bells and whistles that a blog needs to stand out. 

Because while I'm ready to talk to y'all more about sex and virginity, I've also discovered how much I like the "lifestyle" posts. And I've really really not enjoyed keeping my location anonymous. My new blog already has four location-specific blog posts about what Beau and I have done this summer. 

So while I plan to write more here about the big stuff, I will also be writing less about the little stuff. 

Book reviews will be at my new blog, although I'll finish my Summer Challenge updates here. After all, I will debut my first paid column next month, and it's a monthly column reviewing books. I want a blog to back that up.

Feminist posts that are NOT about virginity/sex, consent, and/or rape culture will be at my new blog. Mainly, I will no longer feature posts about Christian feminism here. 

This blog will no longer include travel posts, either about trips Beau and I take in the future, or about my past trips to France.

While I love the expanded writing that I've done, and I love that my devoted readers have accepted non-virginal topics, I want this blog to return to its original subject. More or less, at least. 

Over the next six months, I will also slowly remove old posts that are better suited for my new blog. I will then edit/revise them and post them under my real name.

Even though I will be writing here less, and the writing will be more focused, I want to share my life with my blogging friends. I've been so blessed to befriend bloggers across the globe, and I want to take y'all with me! 

I want y'all to know my real name, and where I live, and where I'm from. I want y'all to know Beau's real name, and the names of our friends, and what other people in our lives look like. I want to stop hiding so much of my life from people I've grown to love, my friends, even if we haven't met in "real life."

So while I won't post a link to my new blog here, I will give it freely to (most) people who email me or DM on Twitter to ask for it. A few blogging friends already follow my personal Twitter, and I'd like to extend that invitation to more.

I just ask that you continue to keep this half of my life anonymous-ish. If you're talking to me as Belle, don't use my real name or location. If this sounds paranoid... well, you'll understand when you learn my name. I need to keep a clear Google history for now, since my job is in digital marketing.

Thank you for being with me for three years. I hope that my announced changes will not lose me any readers. I appreciate the love and encouragement I've received these past three years, and I hope y'all will continue to support me as the direction of my blog refocuses to its original intent.


  1. I have loved reading your blog and have even changed the way I used to look at certain aspects of my life. I have used your links to help friends better understand the culture that we as Americans are allowing. I would love to continue to follow your journey, not only here, but in real life as well.

  2. i missed your posts! Definitely email me your new blog link—if you don't mind sharing it with me :)

  3. I have looovveeed reading you Belle, and I can't wait to see what you do with your story! I kinda like all your changes :)

  4. I would absolutely love to have the link to your new blog!! I miss seeing you post all the time.

  5. I would absolutely love to read your new blog! Have always loved reading this one and all of your thoughts :)

  6. I would love to follow you on your new blog if your wanting to share it with me. Congratulations creating a new blog. It's a scary thing to do - come out in the open.

  7. I've quietly been reading along and would love to read your new posts.

  8. First off, congrats on your blogoversary! And second, of course I want the link to your new blog. My e-mail should be connected to my posts, but just in case, it's shoshanahinla(at)gmail(dot)com. I do think making a separate blog makes sense for you. I'd imagine it be hard at times to be completely anonymous, especially as you've gotten more and more visible on the blog. But I know there's times where I was my blog was a bit more anonymous, so I love the idea of having two blogs for each side of life.

  9. I would love to read your new blog, as well as continue reading this one. Please, please send me the link to: katie.bellflower (at) gmx (dot) de

  10. Well I'm new here, but I have enjoyed what I've read so far and would love to read more of what you write, regardless of the name you use.

  11. Congrats on blogging for so long! I would love to follow your new blog...perhaps you could comment on my blog with the link? Or e-mail it to me ( Also, my blog has been private for a while, but it's back to being public now if you would like to follow it. :-) I love your posts! Can't wait till you're famous and I can say I followed you "back when."


Thanks for reading and commenting!

Anonymous commenting disabled while my mom is sick.

Comments are moderated because I receive a lot of spam, and I think CAPTCHA is annoying. I reply to most of your comments within the comment section because it inspires discussion between readers. For first-time commenters, I try to reply by email.

Yes, you can comment anonymously. Yes, you can disagree with me. However, as of 05/31/2013, if you are commenting anonymously, and your words are hateful or abusive, I will publish these at my discretion. I like that my blog can be a forum for discussion, but anything that blames or mocks survivors of sexual assault will NOT be tolerated.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Copyright © 2013 Finding My Virginity | Design By 2317studio | Powered By Blogger