Monday, September 17, 2012

The Sexiest Virgins Alive

Twitterverse is obsessed with Mean Girls. The world stops whenever it's on television, and I'm pretty sure all women aged 18 to 25 spontaneously orgasmed when Mean Girls finally became available on Netflix.

Sorry, that was a gender generalization, which I normally try really hard not to make.
But as much as I see anons tweeting quotations from Mean Girls, I rarely see much discussion about what we can learn from the movie.

The definition of sex has become rather broad and often confusing in today's American culture. Even this asshole our former president doesn't seem to get it.

So what is sex? What is virginity? Does a definition even matter?

Well, no.

But our society is obsessed with it, and as a self-proclaimed virgin who blogs about sex, virginity, and everything in-between, I'm not exactly helping de-emphasize the "importance" of the distinction.

But I AM provoking discussion and sparking debate and challenging preconceived notions of virgins.

Last Friday, I went to a sex shop for the first time ever (and then applied to work there). Naturally, I tweeted about the experience before blogging about it. The reaction was... mixed, to say the least.

Some friends thought this was a brilliant idea. Like me, they thought it would provide great inspiration for my blog.

Or like me, they thought sex toys were a positive thing for women to enjoy, either with or without a partner.

Some friends thought I should I admit my sexual experiences make me less than virginal.

And others questioned if I'm honestly a virgin at all.

I might not have enjoyed the entire discussion, and at one point, so many followers were jumping in that I could no longer keep up with my timeline. 


Not only was it eye-opening, but it proved that there is an ongoing need for my blog, with all my thoughts on sex and virginity.

There is still a prevailing attitude that virginity means the exact same thing for everyone.

If we can't agree on the definition of sex, then how can anyone expect us to agree on virginity? 

Which brings me back to my first point. 

Does it even matter?

Sexuality is incredibly personal. Yet, for whatever reason (I'm blaming patriarchy), sex is very much in the public eye. Between those trying to control sex and those trying to exploit sex, anyone trying to figure out their sexuality on their own has public pressure adding to their confusion.

To anyone in the gray zone between sex and virginity, to anyone like me, this is my advice.

It's your body, your experiences, you sexuality, your label.

I started this blog before I had ever owned a vibrator, or seen a man naked, or participated in skype sex. I guess you could say I was "more virginal" when I started this blog than I am today. 

The boyfriend and I have drawn our line at coitus, or PIV sex. We're saving that for marriage. Until then, we'll both refer to ourselves as virgins, because we can, but we also both know the label no longer matters.

At the end of the day, we're a young couple in love, and we're making choices about our relationship based on our own happiness, not anyone else's.


  1. although i consider all of those as sex, i would still say you're a virgin and that you've not had sex.

    1. Virginity is basically a social concept, so it's really up to the individual. Some men and women "reclaim" their virginity, acting as virgins even though they'd previously had intercourse.

  2. Hey Belle,
    Interesting and entertaining blog. My question to you is why draw the line at sex but not sex acts? What is your driving reason behind not having PIV sex? Please don't tell me it's becaus of the quintessential Christian youth conundrum-- "how far can I go and still be saved?" Lol.

    My boyfriend and I are also waiting till marriage but we draw the line higher since we are both very sexual people and we:

    a)don't want to start what we can't/won't finish
    b) want to strengthen our actually relationship (good sex/sexual play covers a multitude of sins)
    c) want to follow a Christ-like model for our relationship which for us means keeping the clothes on, hands above the waist and mouths above the neck.

    1. The short answer is that I don't believe premarital sex is a sin, but that I want to save at least one sexual experience for my husband alone.

      The long answer can't really be written out while I'm at work. :) But I've touched on this before in these two blog posts (one is an outside link).

      How I'm "Finding My Virginity"

      "Two Become One: A Naked Look at Virginity"


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