Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Your Choice to Make: A Guest Post

I didn't want to abandon my blog, though, so I put out a call for guest posts, and I've had several volunteers! 

Classy in K.C. is one of my online friends, via both blogging and tweeting. We've had some pretty different adventures in dating, but I still find it so easy to relate to her blog posts. Also, if you need further proof of her awesomeness, she is one of only fourteen people my boyfriend follows on twitter. High praise indeed. So, I think it goes without saying, I was thrilled when she approached me to write a guest post!  

Classy is a 21-year-old college student living her dream life in Kansas City. Her major is Public Relations, and she hopes either to work in an art museum (love this goal!!) or for a non-profit that benefits children (so maybe we have more in common than I thought). In her free time she teaches swim lessons, reads, and, of course, writes!! We hope you enjoy her guest post.

We all know that we can say no anytime we want, but what about saying yes? What happens when somebody takes away the choice to decide when we want to have sex?

In my first “grown-up” relationship with my ex-boyfriend, that choice was in a way taken from me. But probably not the way you think. My ex had decided that he was waiting until marriage, so I respected his choice and, at the time, I thought that meant I wouldn’t be having sex until marriage either.

The problems started when our relationship ended, and I was 20 years old with no hard and fast feelings on when I wanted to have sex. And let me tell you, being in a college setting with no real sexual boundaries set is NOT a good idea.

I remember hearing in all my sex-ed classes that you have to have boundaries set with a guy before anything. The problem is: it’s college. Usually there isn’t some sort of lengthy courtside where these boundaries are set.

So pretty much, these lack of boundaries led to me losing my virginity to a guy I sort of liked, but with whom I had no real emotional connection. I didn’t know him very well, and it turned out he had a girlfriend he forgot to mention, but that’s another story.

That’s not at all how I pictured it happening. I had envisioned my first time being with someone that I loved and of course there would be fireworks and candles and a harp playing softly in the background. Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but you get the picture. My first time wasn’t magical.

Now, I believe in living with no regrets, and I can’t change the past so what’s done is done. I am now happily in a relationship with someone I love, someone with whom I know sex will mean much more when it happens.

But all that being said, I think it’s really important to decide for yourself what YOU want to do with your sex life. If you don’t set your own boundaries, regardless of the situation you are in, single or taken you can end up making a decision you will regret.

The person you are with shouldn’t dictate your boundaries even if that means you would consider having sex when they don’t want to. That’s something you need to know in case you ever find yourself in… compromising situations.

If I could take it back and choose a different person to lose my virginity to, I probably would, but since I can’t, I hope that I can help others make better choices for themselves than what I did!

Classy with her sister


Edit 09/27/2012: My twin brother's tumor is completely gone, by some miraculous surgery.

Hi, friends. By now, most of y'all know how crazy my life has gotten. My twin brother has a brain tumor, I just moved back home July 6 from Toronto, and my kid brother left for Melbourne, Australia July 11. Oh, and I'm moving to the Midwest July 29. Let's just say that blogging has been the furthest thing from my mind at the moment.


  1. HI! I am one of your newest followers & I just loved your cute little blog and wanted to nominate you & present you with the Liebster award!!

    I added you to a list of 11 other wonderful bloggers I've come across that I really like, here:

    I see that you are going thru a lot right now...maybe this will bring you some time where you can escape the madness for a bit and put this post together - I'm praying for your brother!!


    1. Sorry, the last month has been CRAZY (I moved, I started a new job, and my brother had brain surgery, so... a lot). I would LOVE to accept the Liebster award. I can post it in the next few days.

      P.S. Thanks for the prayers. We have seen them at work! He is doing so well post-surgery. :D

  2. I understand wanting your first time to be with someone special. I lost my PIV virginity to someone I loved dearly, to the man I later married. "Magical" is not the word I'd use to describe it. Even though we'd done plenty of "non-sex" sex as Belle calls it, it was.... I'll just call it awkward. There have been other magical times in our relationship, but that wasn't one of them. :-)

    I think it's great that some people have magical first time experiences, but I'll venture that it's not very magical for most people.


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Anonymous commenting disabled while my mom is sick.

Comments are moderated because I receive a lot of spam, and I think CAPTCHA is annoying. I reply to most of your comments within the comment section because it inspires discussion between readers. For first-time commenters, I try to reply by email.

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