My Bikini Answer: All Women Cannot Prevent the Lust of All Men

I obviously have a lot of THOUGHTS and FEELINGS on bikinis and modesty. For now, however, I want to stick with criticizing the original piece that started this year’s modesty shitstorm. I realize that at this point, I’m writing two months after the original article. Sorry, y’all, but I am not paid to blog, and as much as I love writing, I love writing well even more, which means that it takes time to organize all my thoughts coherently.

I mentioned a shitstorm, right? Yeah, the evangelical and/or feminist blogosphere has gone crazy this summer (like it does every summer…) talking about bikinis and modesty. Although each voice is slightly different, on both sides of the argument, I see one common theme throughout the pro-modesty bloggers/commenters, one that is present in the original post.

So why don’t you just wear a bikini, you ask? Why? Because I am making a sacrifice for the guys around me. I’ve heard the excuse, Guys just have an imagination, it’s not a girl’s problem. Frankly, I think that’s stupid. Part of it is our problem. The way we dress impacts those around us, especially guys. I don’t really want a guy to look at me and notice me for my butt, upper thighs, or chest. I’d rather him notice my smile or God-loving personality. Well sure, you say, that’s all fine and good, but guys should be able to control their imagination and look beyond our bodies. That’s true, they should control it. But it’s important for girls to help them as they try and do so…

This is how I imagine it is for guys. Girls are walking around all the time with barely any clothes on at the beach or pool! Guys can never get a break from it, even if they’re trying to see past all the bodies to find the smiles and personalities within the girls.

So really, how hard is it to not wear a bikini? If you’re like me, it might be a little disappointing... Let’s make a commitment this summer to ditch the skimpy swimsuits, earn self respect, and help our brothers in Christ.

The original article never refers to scripture, but the comments and other blogs are all quick to quote Romans 14 as justification for women covering up their bodies. The overall message is: Yes, men are responsible for their own lust, but women need to help them out by covering up.

Seriously, if one more person tells me I’m a “stumbling block” for men, I’ll give up clothes forever and join a nudist colony.

Let’s examine Romans 14 together. The entire chapter is relevant, so you should pull that up in a separate window. I’m just going to quote the part that is popular on the Interwebz.

Romans 14: 20-21 (NRSV) 20 Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for you to make others fall by what you eat; 21 it is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that makes your brother or sister stumble.

One more common point by the pro-modesty crowd. Many of them offer the analogy of an alcoholic. Would you serve alcohol to your friend who’s a recovering alcoholic? No, because you don’t want to tempt him to sin, even if drinking alcohol isn’t sinful for you.

Should I give up champagne forever just in case I run into an alcoholic?

The original bikini post, the horrible misinterpretation of Romans 14, and the alcoholic analogy all share a fatal flaw:

Blogoversary: Two Years of Finding My Virginity

Two years and one day ago, I styled my hair a new way.

Today I twist my hair up like that several times a week.

Two years and one day ago, I wore a new black dress with purple flowers.

Today that dress is too big for me, but it hangs in my closet for curvier days ahead.

Two years ago, I had my shared apartment to myself because Lauren was out of town.

Today Lauren and I have our own apartments down the street from each other.

Two years ago, I drank 3-4 cans of Diet Coke with Lime a day.

Today I drink 3-4 cans of Diet Coke, sometimes with Lime, a week.

One year and one day ago, I said good-bye to my family in the South and moved to the Midwest.

Today I’ve lived in the same city, without interruption, for the longest amount of time since graduating high school.*

One year ago, I wrote the scariest post I’d ever written.

Today I take the first step to losing my anonymity.**

Taking selfies without showing my face is HARD, y'all!

My reasons for anonymity are legit. I think wanting to discuss sensitive topics like sex and sexuality with complete honesty is difficult without anonymity. I mostly read lifestyle blogs, and y’all don’t talk about sex. Like, ever. Which is totally fine and your prerogative and I respect that decision completely, because sex is personal. But I can’t talk about virginity without talking about sex, and I don’t know if I could have maintained this blog for the last two years if my parents, former professors, colleagues, etc. had been reading it.

But anonymity is tiring. I think twice before I tweet about what I’m doing. Does this refer to my location? I crop all my photos. How much of my face can I reveal before it identifies me too much? I have to keep track of pseudonyms for every single person in my life. I was hanging out with Hardy and Lauren, and damn it, where’s my list of best friends? What do I call… James, that’s it. I call him James.

And I write and write and write. I tweet and tweet and tweet. I comment everywhere. I buy ads on other blogs. I’m myself. I’m authentic. I paid for a blog design. I do all that stuff I’m supposed to do to build blog traffic, and it’s not enough. 

Look at my new button on Casey's blog!

<center> <a href="http://www.findingmyvirginity.com/"><br><img src="http://i1167.photobucket.com/albums/q633/belle_vierge/fcebc759-3ed1-4f8f-92c4-0a099a67497e.jpg" border="0"/><br></a></center>

Because the people who know me IRL aren’t allowed to post my blog to facebook, or link it to any mutual friends. Because I can’t ask my friends and family to like my facebook page.

Because the network I have who comment all over my personal facebook wall, who send me links to articles on sexual assault and modesty culture and France and women’s history, who email me to thank me for the work I do, who ask me if I blog, who share all over the place the tiny handful of public writing I do…

They have no idea Belle Vierge exists. Or if they’ve stumbled across her (this happened once), they don’t realize Belle is me.

But as much as I want to shed my cloak of anonymity and shout to the rooftops that I’m happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time, I’m not there yet.

I don’t really think my parents should find out I’m bisexual via a blog post, nor do I think it’s right or fair to attach H’s name to his assholery. And those of you who do know me IRL, and those of you who I met here who have discovered my real name, I think y’all will agree that my first name is unique. Unique enough that fear of discovery by future potential employers is a legitimate concern.

Seriously, if you google my first and last name, you find results for three people. That’s it. I share my name with a lawyer and with a photographer. Also my firstnamelastname.com domain name has already been taken, alas.

I’ve spent a lot of time over the last few weeks thinking about this post. Planning what I would write. And I should note, for the record, that I’m writing this the actual evening of July 30, 2013, still torn on what to reveal of myself while still allowing the freedom to be myself.

I realized I’m not so worried about people finding my blog and realizing it’s me as I am people knowing who I am, looking me up online, and discovering my blog. The first involves searching for certain qualities and associating them with me. The latter is only knowing me or my name and suddenly discovering some rather strong opinions and personal information.

So here are some things 

I never directly mentioned before.

Book Club Friday: Princess Series (Books Three and Four)

I just got back Monday evening from a wonderful long weekend in Denver, during which my second cousin got married and his parents threw a big party the next day to celebrate multiple events, including their 35th wedding anniversary. It was a wonderful holiday, during which I was able to spend quality time with both Beau and with many family members who I rarely see. Beau and I kept our bodies on Eastern time for most of the trip, so we were up early every morning, without much to do. I used the time to catch up on my reading, and I finally finished the last of the Princess Series!

If you remember back a few weeks ago, I reviewed the first two books of the Princess Series, The Stepsister Scheme and The Mermaid's Madness, by Jim C. Hines. Today I will conclude the all-too-short series by reviewing the last two books, Red Hood's Revenge and The Snow Queen's Shadow. 

  

From the book/website: 

Roudette’s story was a simple one. A red cape. A wolf. A hunter. 

Her mother told her she would be safe, so long as she kept to the path. But sometimes the path leads to dark places. 

Roudette is the hunter now, an assassin known throughout the world as the Lady of the Red Hood. Her mission will take her to Arathea and an ancient fairy threat. At the heart of the conflict between humans and fairies stands the woman Roudette has been hired to kill, the only human ever to have fought the Lady of the Red Hood and survived: 

The princess known as Sleeping Beauty.

Although Hines reveals details about all three princesses throughout the series, the first two books are more about Danielle than Talia or Snow. In this book, the princesses end up in Talia's homeland, a desert kingdom called Arathea. Hines also introduces a new--and slightly terrifying--character, Roudette, the Lady of the Red Hood. Oh, and religion is a side plot, and human magic is apparently sinful while fairy magic is good... 

Yeah, there's definitely a lot going on in this book, but it's still as kickass as its predecessors. 

From the book/website: 

A broken mirror. A stolen child. A final mission to try to stop an enemy they never dreamed they would face.

When a spell gone wrong shatters Snow White’s enchanted mirror, a demon escapes into the world. The demon’s magic distorts the vision of all it touches, showing them only ugliness and hate. It is a power which turns even friends and lovers into mortal foes, one which will threaten humans and fairies alike.

And the first to fall under the demon’s power is the princess Snow White.

This is the bittersweet conclusion to the series. 

It did not end the way I expected. 

I might have definitely cried. And then I might have felt like hitting something, but I didn't go that far. 

Just like the first two books focused on Danielle, and the third on Talia, this one focuses on Snow. Hines tells us more about her childhood and her wintery homeland, Allesandria. 

We also learn more about Jakob, Danielle's son, which was one of the most interesting revelations in the book. (And also why I hope Hines returns to this series one day).

Without trying to give away much of the plot, what really struck me with this book were the ethical questions I asked myself. The demon affects anyone it touches, and those people all turn on the princesses, fighting them, trying to kill them. So much bloodshed occurs in this book, but unlike in the previous novels, when the enemies "had it coming," I felt very unsettled by the "enemies" injured and killed. And it made me think about soldiers who fight for their country, even if they don't always agree with what they're doing. I've become more and more of a pacifist in my old age, and this book partly reaffirmed that. 

Anyway, the four books are all brilliant, and as happy as I am to have read them, I'm sad the series is over. The ending is certainly fitting, and I understood why Hines ended it on this note, but I was still very sad about it. I just really like happy endings, with everyone alive, and paired off in love. But that only happens in Disney movies, not in brilliant adaptations of fairy tales.

Once again, I'm linking up for Book Club Friday!

A Month of Birthdays

My birthday month might be over, but I always find new occasions to celebrate! This weekend, Beau and I are in Denver for my second cousin's wedding (yesterday!) and for a big family party (today!) thrown by my first cousin once removed and his wife, aka the groom's parents. These are my French/American cousins, so happy Bastille Day!

I love my birthday. I love a celebration that's all about me, true, but it's more than that. I love taking the time to reflect on my growth in the previous year, to reminisce about fun and/or new experiences, to focus on my goals for the next year.

My birthday was June 8th, but I celebrated all month long, as I do... Highlights included:

Buying a rattan table and chairs for my apartment

Joyeux anniversaire à moi

My boyfriend and my besties coming over for a wine & cheese night

Going to a big city with my boyfriend for the weekend, my first time ever visiting this city

In this city, visiting several museums and the zoo

Yes, I love taking pictures with all the bronze statues. Especially silly pictures.

Just outside this city, seeing a community production of Shrek the Musical

In this city, going to a major league baseball game

Catching up (a little) on my reading

Going to my local Pride Festival

The Pride Festival included booths for several sex shops. I couldn't resist taking this photo.

Seeing a Broadway show on tour

Spending several mornings and afternoons in a bikini, at a pool, causing men to lust after me

The only bad part of my birthday was H proposing to his girlfriend the day before our birthday, aka stealing the spotlight away from me. That, and finding out that his girlfriend now fiancée had defriended me on facebook. That, and seeing that none of our mutual church camp friends bothered wishing me a happy birthday.

Sometimes, taking the high road and not telling all your mutual friends about exactly why you're not speaking to someone really SUCKS, because he's obviously told them all that I'm overreacting and that he's the victim in this situation. 

Other than that, my birthday month was PERFECT. My boyfriend spoiled me rotten with all sorts of lovely prezzies, like two humongous bags of gummy candy, and a bottle of Bordeaux, and a laptop cooling board, and a new set of wine glasses, and a new bikini, and something I'm not blogging about that's just between us. (Fine, I told Lauren and Hardy too. And my parents. But I'm not blogging about it).

My birthday month was perfect this year, but the boyfriend has already figured out a way to give me an even BETTER birthday month next year... Too bad y'all will have to wait until then to find out his plans for us.

Book Club Friday: The Forged Series

So if y'all remember back a few weeks, I blogged about Summer Book Crush. A sweet opportunity to buy some e-books at bargain prices. Remember?
My point-of-contact for the event was Angela Orlowski Peart, one of the authors. After a few emails back and forth, I realized that she had written some pretty sweet fantasy fiction, and she realized that I love to blog about books, especially of the e-read variety. Clearly a magical partnership was necessary. Angela emailed me her books, formatted for my kindle, in exchange for my honest review. Luckily for her, I LOVED her books, so I don't have to write any diplomatic BS about her work being better-suited for people who aren't me.

The Forged Series is a blend of urban fantasy and high fantasy, Forged by Greed being the former and Forged by Magic: Origins being the latter. Forged by Greed is a full-length novel, and Forged by Magic: Origins is a collection of short stories that serve as a prequel. Read them in the published order, even though they're both available. Nerdy #ProTip: Prequels work best when read after reading the main novel (think The Chronicles of Narnia). 

via

From the website:


Two Seattle 16-year-olds, Jatred and Jasmira, are not your typical star-crossed lovers. They are not even your typical Shape Shifters. Sure, they try to live an ordinary life. At least, as ordinary as the Prince and the Princess of the rivaling ancient Races–the Winter wolves and the Summer leopards–can live. But eventually they learn that not much about their existence can be normal. Especially when the Races’ two commanding Goddesses are involved.

I somehow managed to read this in a single weekend, one that was largely spent working at JCP. Almost immediately, I was intrigued by this overlapping mortal/magical world, one with two races of shapeshifters, two goddesses, an amulet, and otherworldly realms. At first, I struggled to keep straight all of the characters and their respective races/friend groups, but as the book progressed, I understood the need to have so many characters. There's definitely a lot to digest in the first few chapters, but if you stop trying to analyze it (difficult, I know!), and just keep reading, everything comes together.
 
I know that the genre of "star-crossed lovers" has been done, many times over, but I never grow tired of it. Plus Angela definitely included a few twists to keep things interesting. The true reason Jatred and Jasmira can't be together is MIND-BLOWING, to say the least.

The more I learned about the Winter and Summer races, the more I wanted to know. Angela has borrowed from ancient mythologies worldwide to create a a new mythology of two races, led by two goddesses.

So obviously, I was excited to finish this book and then start the prequel, which fills in many of the gaps about this mythology.

via

From the website:
 
Prequel 1 to the Forged Series, Forged by Magic: Origins is a collection of short stories, featuring the characters from the Forged series. This is the first of two prequels to the series. Each story is told from a different character’s point-of-view.
 
Find out how the Amulet and the Dasht-e Kavir have been created, and how the powers of the Universe opened the gates to other dimensions, inadvertently releasing unworldly supernatural creatures into the Human World.

Like I said, the mythology Angela has created is fascinating. I loved reading more about the magicians, the Amulet and the Dasht-e Kavir, the goddesses, and the shapeshifters in their early days. I was a little confused by the inclusion of a story about a water nymph, but I assume this character becomes important later.

The next prequel just came out on July 10th! I haven't had a chance to read Forged by Legacy: Beginnings yet, but rest assured, I will review it as soon as I can! 

Linking up with Heather & Katie 

for Book Club Friday!