Saturday, October 8, 2011

Virgin Myths: Virgins Can't Kiss

Cherry graphic via

Today's myth is a little bit different. It has been implied to me in multiple variations, but never as blatantly or as explicitly as Myths One, Two, and Three.

Myth Number Four: Virgins are bad kissers/ Nonvirgins are better kissers/ Good kissers must be nonvirgins/ Etc

I have been told, on more than one occasion, “You don't kiss like a virgin.”

I'm never exactly sure how to respond to that. On the one hand, I know he means it as a compliment, so I'm flattered. Who doesn't want to impress their hook-ups with their awesome kissing skills? On the other hand...

What the fuck does he mean by that?! I don't kiss like a virgin? Okay. Tell me how a virgin kisses. Timidly? Close-mouthed? Not at all? I don't understand how a virgin and nonvirgin kiss all that differently.

You gotta learn to walk before you can run, right? Well, it's the same thing with kissing and sex. Ideally, you perfect your kissing skills before you move on to your sexual prowess. So, no, I haven't had sex yet, but yes, I mastered kissing years ago.

In fact, I'm a virgin who's a better kisser than several of the nonvirgins with whom I've hooked up. I've made out with some guys who I know have slept with many girls, and when we've been done kissing, the main thought running through my head has been, “How the hell did you get so many girls into bed with you?”

They were probably insecure. Or drunk. But that's another post for another day.

Moral of the story. Kissing is a skill just like any other. Some people are naturally good at it. Like me.* ;) Some people need more practice. Everyone can improve with practice and patient, loving feedback. But just because I don't enjoy running doesn't mean I can't comfortably spend hours walking and exploring Paris/London/Vienna/etc.


*I'm not being immodest. Remember my first kiss? He was also my best friend. If my first kiss had been with someone else, naturally, I would have told him. About halfway through our make out session, he stopped and looked at me, with a slightly accusatory look on his face. “I'm not your first kiss, am I,” he said, sounding hurt. It took me several minutes to convince him that he was.

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