Friday, August 12, 2011

Confessing Your Virginity

Step One. Read my blog.

Step Two. Follow me on twitter.

Step Three. Link my posts on facebook, your blog etc.

Step Four. Retweet me.

Eventually your friends and/or significant other might get the hint... If they don't, then you'll need...

Step Five. If that doesn't work, and/or you're trying to tell the guy/girl with whom you've been making out for the last hour, then you might want to continue reading.

Until I graduated uni, telling people I was a virgin and waiting for marriage was a non-issue. I'm from a small, conservative town in the South. I went to a small, conservative school in the South. I was raised in a conservative Christian denomination and became involved with an even more conservative on-campus Christian group during undergrad. Everyone either assumed (rightfully) that I was a virgin and/or that sex was reserved for a serious relationship only. I never had to “come out” as a virgin.

Leaving school changed all of that. I've lived in a variety of cities, from the small but bourgeois to the grand and cosmopolitan, all across the globe. (Well, all across the States and France). My friends have ranged in age from 18 to mid-30s, and even my close friends fall within a range of 21 to 32. They span four continents (North America, Europe, Asia, and Australia), and I've lost count of how many countries and American states. The majority of them all have one thing in common, though.

Most of them are nonvirgins.

So I've now had a lot of practice in telling people that I'm waiting until marriage to have sex. Here's a sample of my experiences.

Strategy: Say no, but don't say why. Great for making out in public.

I was out with my friends one night at Duplex, a club along the Champs Elysées. This guy started dancing with me, and after a few songs, we started making out. It was extremely loud in the club, so there was very little talking involved. He told me his name, like, three times, but for the life of me I couldn't understand over the music. He also offered to buy me a drink, but I was already drunk enough, so I declined. Anyway. We moved from the dance floor to up against the wall to sitting at a table, with me in his lap. I allowed his hands fairly liberal freedom to roam, but I moved them each time he tried to slide them down my jeans. After about an hour, he asked me “Tu veux faire l'amour? (Do you want to make love?),” and I very simply replied, “Non, merci, (No, thank you).” We made out for another five minutes or so, at which point I excused myself to find my friends. I didn't look back.

Strategy: Explain that you only make out unless you're in a serious relationship. Great for making out after a date or any other private encounter.

I went out with this great guy last week. We had an awesome first date, with very engaging conversation, and just enough flirting to keep things interesting. I kissed him good-night, and we parted ways. Well. After some flirtatious texting, I invited him back to my apartment. In that text, I also added, “Also, not to be blunt & kill the flirting, but I'm not going to sleep with you. So... yeah. Just FYI.” He was really cool about it. He came over, we started making out, things heated up, and I finally had to stop. I was like, “I don't want to stop, but if we don't stop making out now, I won't be able to stop myself, and I'll regret it later. I might kiss on the first date, but anything beyond making out is reserved for serious relationships only.” Again, he was totally cool about it.

Strategy: When everyone's sharing their best sex stories, share your wildest and/or hottest make out story. OR tell your funniest story about someone who tried to sleep with you.

This happens to me a lot. Everyone's sharing sex stories, like getting blackout drunk and waking up with a stranger, or having sex in a random location (hospital bed, parents' bedroom, bathroom at a club—I've heard it all), or enjoying the most mind-blowing sex ever. When my turn comes around, I smile and look sideways, away from the group, giving off a slightly bashful, slightly guilty expression. I then proceed to tell them about one of my wildest nights in Paris.

“Well, this one time in Paris... I was out with my two best friends, and we got really drunk. After pregaming, and then splitting a couple of bottles of wine at a bar, we went to this club. Katy Perry came on the radio, I mentioned I'd never made out with a girl before, and Jane* was like, 'That's changing tonight!' So then Jane, Ali*, and I all took tequila shots... erm, they might have been body shots... Jane and I made out, then Ali and I made out, then they both made out. At some point we did another round of body shots, and we all made out again. Then Ali and I both made out with the same guy too. There's more, but God, it was just, really crazy. I usually don't talk about the rest of the night.”

The rest of the night was us just making a stupid decision and getting in a car with guys we didn't know. Everything worked out fine, but it was really stupid and dangerous. However, with the trailing off, people can assume what they want, but you're not technically lying. Also, if you have any girl-on-girl stories, everyone loves those. In my experience, it's almost always on par with the sex stories.

Strategy: Clam up. When pressed to say more, just say “I prefer to keep my private life private.”

I've never actually done this because I'm pretty open about everyone I've kissed. But this might work for you.

Strategy: Fall back on religion. Regardless of whether or not your virginity is inspired by religious reasons, if you need to give an explanation that most people understand, religion works.

I was making out with this guy at a party in France. He tried to lead me upstairs, and I darted off from him. (Note: I was extremely drunk). When we were making out again later in the evening, I said to him, “Je suis vierge. Je suis un ange. J'attends le mariage. C'est un cadeau pour mon mari. Je suis très religieuse.” (I'm a virgin. I'm an angel. I'm waiting for marriage. It's a gift for my husband. I'm very religious). I couldn't figure out how to explain all my reasons (for another post, another day) in French, so I fell back on religion. That, at least, he understood.

Strategy: Be honest. Be yourself. If your friends are really your friends, they won't care.

At the end of the day, this is what I do. In fact, it was a conversation with my new group of friends this summer that inspired this blog. We were all sharing our sex stats, and finally, it was my turn. My roommate already knew, but the rest of our friends didn't. When it got to my turn, I opened by saying, “I usually don't talk about this right away. I prefer to let people know more about who I am before I say anything because otherwise they get the wrong idea. The truth is... I'm one of the last virgins standing, by choice, not by circumstance. Etc. Etc.” Obviously, my friends were awesome about it, and even said that it was cool, that they respected my choice. I wouldn't be friends with them if they were so close-minded and thought otherwise. 

*Not their real names.

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