Sunday, May 4, 2014

In a Sex-Saturated Society, Honest Discussions of Healthy Sexuality are Stifled

Most of the time I blog in this Christian feminist bubble of sex-positivity and critiques of purity culture, so sometimes I forget that not everyone associates virginity with religious values or patriarchy.

But three things happened to my blog recently that reminded me that with everything wrong about proponents of purity culture, they make at least one good point:

Gender equality starts by not treating women like sex objects.
Feminists make this point too, but I try to find common ground with everyone for the greater good.


I recently got a custom url for my facebook page. I tried to choose the url But when I tried it, this is what happened.

On the off chance that someone else had already taken the url, I tested it, but the url only took me to a page saying it didn't exist or had been moved. 

For whatever reason, a custom url with the word "virginity" in it is not okay with facebook. I had to settle for the French form of virginity.

Have you liked me on facebook yet? 


I was recently looking at my profile on bloglovin when I noticed that the dropdown box prompted me to "Claim my blog." Since I had already claimed my blog about a year prior, I was confused. I searched for my blog, and nothing came up. So I contacted Bloglovin's support, and this is the response I received. 

So yes, you can still follow me on bloglovin, but no one can search for my blog on their website. 


I received this gem in my inbox.

I guess I should be happy that it's taken almost three years of blogging about sex and virginity via a Christian feminist lens for someone to sexually harass me via email?

No matter how hard I try, I can't always escape the prude/slut dichotomy. Just the other day, I wrote that my blog is not porn, and yet I'm being treated as though it is.  

Women's sexual autonomy, even the choice not to have sex, has been distorted into male fetish. 

And just like women who are called sluts and whores when men are called studs and players, those of us who write candidly about our own sexuality must be punished. 

Girlhood is becoming more and more sexualized, but when teenage girls absorb those messages and try to be "sexy," we judge them for leading teenage boys astray

Add in abstinence-only education and church lectures about dirty roses, and suddenly we're stuck in the cesspool of fucked-up American attitudes towards female sexuality. Oh, and don't forget the stubborn insistence that a woman's "first time" MUST BE PAINFUL OR ELSE!

But I won't be silenced. I won't be shamed for writing honestly about sex and virginity. I stand by both my sexual choices and my decision to share them with the world. I am SO OVER the male gaze and the paternalistic control of female sexuality, and my blog is my small attempt to change that. 

To write about women's sexual choices from an actual woman's perspective, not a man's creepy or controlling vision of slutty virgins. To be an advocate for healthy sexual relationships. To share medically-accurate information about sex. 

While keyword-filters might dismiss my blog as pornographic, I hope that you do not. I encourage you to share this post if you agree that women should be free to make their own consensual sexual choices. 


  1. Ugh, I am so disgusted by all of this. Like, literally angry! But do not stop writing; you have inspired a lot of people and your words are being heard. Bisous!

    1. It just sickens me that so many people have twisted the concept of virginity--which should be analyzed and critiqued--into something perverse, to the point that my blog is blacklisted.

      I will keep writing. :) Thanks for the encouragement!

  2. Wow. Once again I think it's so fantastic that you are blogging about these topics, and as frustrating as these responses are, they do show the importance of what you're doing.

    1. Thank you, Sarah! It's bad enough that a woman having sex has already been dirtied in our culture--now a woman NOT having sex has been perverted?

  3. this blog post made me so mad! I understand that most porn sights do use certain words to attract visitors, but there needs to be a way to differ from the good sights. Because the words themselves are not bad, its the way people are using them that are bad! And your use of the word is wonderful, amazing, fulfilling and helpful.

    Grr. I'm going to eat some dark chocolate and brood. It isn't fair for you to be punished!

    1. "Because the words themselves are not bad, its the way people are using them that are bad!"

      Yes! Exactly!

  4. I can't believe bloglovin. It seems a little ridiculous that they basically acknowledge there's a problem, but yet there's nothing they can do to fix it. Hopefully their are at least trying to do something on their end.

    1. I don't know why they can't create a whitelist. Especially since this is a fairly recent thing. I had claimed my blog, and I could search for my blog, and only recently did it disappear.


Thanks for reading and commenting!

Anonymous commenting disabled while my mom is sick.

Comments are moderated because I receive a lot of spam, and I think CAPTCHA is annoying. I reply to most of your comments within the comment section because it inspires discussion between readers. For first-time commenters, I try to reply by email.

Yes, you can comment anonymously. Yes, you can disagree with me. However, as of 05/31/2013, if you are commenting anonymously, and your words are hateful or abusive, I will publish these at my discretion. I like that my blog can be a forum for discussion, but anything that blames or mocks survivors of sexual assault will NOT be tolerated.


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