Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Five Myths About Women Who Love Sex: A Guest Post

Y'all, I become so excited whenever someone offers to write a guest post for me! Melissa Messer contacted me ages ago, but preoccupied me didn't get around to accepting her offer until just last week.

Melissa is a freelance contributor to The Dating Website who is dangerously close to being a college graduate. Her native habitat includes an ample coffee supply, a collection of scarves, and headphones pumping an endless supply of music into her ears.
Melissa is writing from the nonvirgin perspective on life, and I'm thrilled she chose to share her viewpoint!

Now, I can’t for a second say that this was an easy post to write. Ladies who openly love sex are still somewhat of an anomaly in today’s world, and God forbid you live in a country where simply having sex outside of marriage is grounds for murder. In more progressive places, life is easier for women, but female promiscuity still tends to bring out nasty streaks in people's personalities. Even while writing this, I am somewhat fearful of the comments I may receive. I’ll admit though, that I’m no longer ashamed of the truth: there are women in this world who love sex. Not because of anything associated with it, not the power or the attention, but just because of the fact that sex can be one of the most amazing things you’ll ever experience. How you choose to go about it should be entirely up to each woman in the world (and man, for that matter!). I’m sick to death of the stigma and hushed tones that our mothers and grandmothers were forced to associate with sex. My own mother, bless her heart, still regards the whole topic as one she “doesn’t want to talk about.”

So, as Belle has been kind enough to allow me to share my opinion on women who love sex with you lovely readers of Confessions of a Virgin, I declare that I’ve had enough. Let’s talk about this out in the open like adults. Let’s dispel some of the myths associated with women who unabashedly love sex.

Slutwalks UK

1. A woman who loves sex is a slut.
Society has trouble exactly defining what a “slut” is, but what I seem to be able to gather from the babble are several definitions. One is that a slut is someone who equates sex with power. Sluts, then, don’t seem to be actually interested in sex. They just want the power that they gain from it. Slut also seems to be a girl who has sex to make up for her insecurities by using sex to either gain or keep the interest of men. Again, these women don’t necessarily love sex—they just want the attention and power that it brings them.

However, I’d go so far as to say that since the world can’t seem to tell me what a “slut” actually is, sluts don’t actually exist except as a term to attempt to demean women. It’s the equivalent of calling someone a “cotton-headed ninnymuggins.” It’s nonsense. Calling someone a slut says way more about the one doing the calling than it does the perceived slut, and I vote we get rid of this silliness once and for all.

2. Obviously, because she loves sex, she wants to have it with me RIGHT NOW.
Just a reminder, everyone, nobody is entitled to have sex with you, or anyone else for that matter. This mindset is awful and deplorable. The world we live in is gradually changing its views on the promiscuity of women (and on that note, why can’t we talk about the promiscuity of men??), but there are still some people in the world who believe that a woman who loves sex will have it with anybody who glances her way. This just isn’t true.

3. Women who love sex need to have it all the time. You’re wrong. Women with standards and a deep love of themselves don’t necessarily feel the need to bed every single man they see. It’s not always about arbitrarily having sex. Sure, sometimes a wild night with a near stranger is just what you’re looking for. And for some women, that might be all they ever need. But liking sex and needing sex aren’t intrinsically the same.

4. Sex without love isn’t meaningful.
Here’s a polarizing myth. Everyone seems to have their own personal opinion on this, which is fine and dandy. Personally, I disagree. Love is possible without sex, right? Why can you not have sex without love, then? In my experience, it’s possible to have sex with respect for yourself and your partner, and just indulge in the physical and often times emotional pleasure that can come with the experience. Granted, I have also found that sex with a man whom I do love is more meaningful than any hookup, but that doesn’t necessarily negate every experience to the point of lost meaning for every hookup prior.

5. Women who love sex have every disease ever. All of them. 
There are millions of women without access to basic reproductive rights and care in this world. It would be pretty silly not to take advantage of the rights you are lucky enough to have. For me, that means ALWAYS using two forms of protection unless I'm in a long term relationship. I love my local Planned Parenthood for their professionalism and judgement-free environment, and I head there for my checkups and birth control. I'm happy to say being this careful has allowed me to stay perfectly safe and healthy.


  1. I love that women are taking the time to discuss sex so openly! People like this make me feel better about the world :)

    1. As a sex-positive feminist virgin, I think it's important to feature guest posts from women (and men, if they ever volunteer) who have made different choices than my own. Just like I have a few guest writers who want to write about the purity perspective of virginity, I also enjoy guest posts from honest, non-judgmental nonvirgins.

      Thanks for commenting!


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