Sunday, January 8, 2012

Me & OKC (Part Two): Why I Only Kissed French Men, but Didn't Date Them

Remember that time I tried online dating in France? And I was totally sold on it after meeting Ron,* and then sorta, kinda, not exactly dating him for a few months?

Then, of course, I met the boyfriend this summer via as well, so, clearly, my whole little venture into online dating has been nothing but fun-filled thrills.

Right. I'm also a vegan nonvirgin Buddhist who considers Starbucks an unnecessary luxury.**

What I glossed over when describing my first meeting with Ron is that I then met up with another guy shortly afterward. This time, a French computer programmer or video-game designer or something like that. He had first contacted me after reading my profile and seeing how blasé I was (and still am, always have been) about having Crohn's disease. I'm always wary of my fellow Crohnies thinking we have some sort of cosmic connection because we share a fucked up digestive system, but Frédéric* was funny in both French and in English, and it was easy to IM with him in both languages. I'm charming both online and in person, so I assumed he would also be fun in person.


Apparently someone can be amusing and bilingual online, but SUPER-AWKWARD and thickly-accented in person. Let's see if I can find my message to Ron after our first rendez-vous.

“I enjoyed meeting you too!! Kelly* & I both found it really enjoyable chatting with you and not at all forced or awkward...

...unlike my second okcupid meeting of the day, a few hours later. Ughhhh. He's like, nice and all, and it's been surprisingly easy to IM him even in French, but in person, I was checking my watch after 30 minutes, and then it was like every 15 minutes. Luckily he's originally from Marseille, so Kelly was able to keep the conversation going in that aspect. So not telling him next time I'm in Paris.

But I'll let you know. :) ”


It was seriously one of the longest, most uncomfortable hours (hour and a half? two hours?) in my life. I kept on hinting that we were tired, and he thought that meant we should switch to English instead of French. I just wanted to shake him and say, “Noooo, trying to understand your horribly-accented, broken English is more fatiguing than chatting in French.” I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't been traveling with my friend Kelly, who was teaching English in Marseille. I think the majority of the conversation ended up being about different places they both knew in the city. Oh, Lord. It was just awful.

But, hey. At least now I have an amusing anecdote to share with the blogosphere.

Next time, on OKC & Me...

The arrogant Ph.D. student from Yale and the asshole cheapskate who had apparently never seen breasts before.

*Les noms faux, comme toujours
**Not that there would be anything wrong with these qualities. But I love bacon almost as much as the boyfriend, and I've had a much longer relationship with Starbucks than I have had with him too. Also I'm vaguely Christian.


  1. Found your blog from Jessica Lynn. Glad to see I'm not the only one who had trouble finding decent suitors while living in la belle France ;)

    1. I was there for two years, and the closest I got was kinda-sorta dating another American. Was it too much to ask the universe to send me a romantic Frenchman?!


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