Don't Trust the Big Screen: A Guest Post

Y'all. My first guest post from someone who isn't dating me!

A few weeks ago I received an email from a fellow writer, Mallory Hughes, asking if she could guest post for my blog. I get excited when people admit to reading (and liking my blog), so of course I said yes. She ended up becoming very busy (ah, student life, those were the days!), but passed on this gem from Lilly Star, the lead female writer at DatingWebsites.com.

Lilly is a professional advice-giver with experiences in dating men of all types, including the good ones that got away. Her passions include white wine, purple peonies and relaxing on the chaise lounge with her dachshund Samantha. Lilly's work can be read on dating blogs for both men and women.

So, dear readers, grab yourself a glass of white wine (Lilly would approve) and read what she has to say about one of my guilty pleasures: romcoms.

The moment comes in almost every romantic comedy when man and woman unite in a hug after a drawn out, overly dramatic sprint into each others arms. They embrace, they kiss, they sweep each other’s foreheads. Ultimately they forgive the previous two hours of indiscretion and heartache. The message: Despite everything, we are in love.

Love in the real world is a little different.

If you’re like me, then you understand that there is a lot of doubt in the dating world that movies creatively cover up. The indecision and lack of commitment from male counterparts* is only the tip of what can be an iceberg of confusion. It’s the gray area, the confusion, that most movies voluntarily skip. Why impart reality when fantasies are what you want?

The problem I’ve found is, that if I buy into the bogus perceptions, then I’m usually in for some major disappointments (even movies as “self-aware” as He’s Just Not That Into You have a nasty habit of ending on the sorts of upticks that make the realist woman grimace). I know that there is real optimism in the movies, and that is a powerful antacid for the trivialities of life, but taking lessons from these movies can be counterproductive. I’ve looked down on myself as the awful words, “Well, Samantha on Sex and the City ….” have left my mouth. I know better than to think Christian Louboutin heels are going to make me sexier to a man who has never looked at the underside of shoes in his life. Still, I make the mistake of following those pearls of advice from the Hollywood starlets, and end up as frustrated as before, but with a grand less to spend on groceries.

Note to self: Samantha is just a character, not my real life BFF (Photo Credit)

Maybe women shouldn’t buy into the movie-making mess at all. Maybe we should establish a firm line against taking dating advice from scripts...?

The real world of dating is complicated, and while When Harry Met Sally is heartwarming and healing, learning lessons about dating from friends and loved ones is much more valuable than taking notes on the story arc of New Year’s Eve. Serendipity is powerful precisely because it’s a scarcity. But patience, especially when used in abundance, can be a powerful antiseptic for our dating doubts. Dating isn’t about doing everything right--it’s about learning from what you’ve done wrong in the past and moving forward. Give yourself the time to learn those lessons, because the shortcuts of Hollywood are just priming you for failure.

Think about your best date. Was it something you’d want to see in a movie? Was it effortless? Was it undertaken with a soundtrack by Mumford and Sons? Of course not! You primped, you prepared, you worried, and when the moment came you were an honest, realistic, whole-hearted woman--insecurities and all. I’ve gone on dates where I thought that my makeup looked awful, and my hair had to be put in a pony tail for fear of scaring children, but when I showed up, I was somehow more honest--maybe because my expectations were lessened--and I found myself enjoying the date. In a sense, it was the most unscripted version of a date I could imagine. Just me being me. The movies can’t portray that type of reality in any way except hyperbole, making their lessons non-applicable at best, and counter-productive at worst. The vixens of the big screen say the right thing and get the right response while wearing $1000 heels. We have 12-hour workdays and only 45-minutes to get ready. That’s real.

The next time Charlize Theron runs into the arms of Ryan Reynolds at the end of your new romantic comedy I’m going to laugh and remember that this is only fiction. The authenticity of my relationships and the lessons handed to me by my friends will always serve me better than a Hollywood script.

*Belle's obligatory feminist note: Lilly is writing from her own heteronormative point of view. Neither of us are saying only men lack commitment to only women.